Merry Christmas, Mom

Merry Christmas, Mom! I took flowers to the cemetery last week. Gosh, the cemetery was so beautiful! It’s one of my favorite places during the holidays. There is more love to be experienced there than in any gaudily decorated mall. There were quite a few families putting up trees and decorations when I was there. Everywhere you could see the love that people put into decorating and including their loved ones in their holiday celebrations. Of course, we all know our loved ones aren’t lying there under the sod; you are all free from any physical encumbrances, no limitations imposed on you by a body any longer. But the cemetery gives us a very special place to gather, to share memories or to ponder alone. There is a sense of aliveness there, oddly enough, because the energy of love is just so powerful and the cemetery is filled with love. One family puts up a cardboard fireplace each year, hung with paper stockings with family names written on them; as new members join the family, new stockings join the others on the mantel. It always touches my heart; those are the kinds of things that always touched yours, too.

When I was cleaning your headstone and polishing it to a gleam, I noticed an incense stick stuck in the dirt around the stone again. That always touches me, too; someone (a stranger, I assume), lights incense and says prayers for you. I sometimes see the red stick in a couple of other graves, but not in all those that surround yours. Someone specifically chooses yours for their incense and prayers. That kind of thing would touch your heart, too, I know.

So, we had Christmas brunch at my place today. Steve offered to bring the food and make brunch for everyone. Ern and the Wesleys brought drinks and food, too. I love that everyone pitches in when they come over, like family always did at home when we had Christmas with you and Dad. There’s no sense of “host and guests;” it’s family all setting up the table, gathering chairs, helping to serve, lighting candles. (BTW, I sent Dad See’s chocolates for Thanksgiving; Amber and I sent him a Hickory Farms basket for Christmas. We didn’t hear from him for either occasion. I miss him so much, Mom, that I just have to try to not think of him too much. Please watch over him, OK?) Brianna wanted me to play Rudolph on the piano after we ate, so I played and some of them sang. Then I played Silver Bells for you since you always loved that. I’ve been playing your other favorites the last few days, too, like Little Drummer Boy, White Christmas and the carols.

I miss you, Mom, but I carry your love with me always. Just look at the beautiful family you started, mom to sons and daughter to granddaughter to great-granddaughters. Your presence is felt in every family celebration. I love you, Mom!

Giddy!

Giddy, giddy, giddy!  I get so giddy with anticipation as Advent comes to an end and we approach Christmas! I love Advent (see previous post) and all the inner work and calm presence that it provides. But I find myself yearning for the fireworks and happy joy that is Christmas!

I’m restless, anticipatory, finding it difficult to live in the present moment because I’m looking ahead to Saturday, planning my trip to my daughter’s home … then my brother’s … then my Dad’s; envisioning everyone opening the presents that I’ve chosen for each of them. Giving gifts is one of the best parts of Christmas! (Being together with those we love is the best.) I try to put careful thought into the presents and that makes it all the more delicious when I see the recipient’s happy smiles and I know I’ve hit the mark. Yippee!

I took a vacation day today and I’m glad I had a lot to do with my restless self. In the morning, I had two lab tests: bone densitometry and mammogram. Both went smoothly; in and out in an hour. Stopped at Trader Joe’s to pick up a few things and bought a pretty bouquet to take to the cemetery for my mom. After the cemetery, I had a hair appointment in the afternoon. Full day and kept me busy.

The cemetery at Christmas is absolutely THE most festive and joyful place to be! Christmas decor explodes in a riot of color and sparkle all over the hills of Good Shepherd. It’s been raining for the last 5 days, but today was nice and clear so there were a lot of families there putting up their holiday decorations; everyone working together, chatting, being family. Red, white and yellow poinsettias in big, foil-covered pots; white picket fences with gold, silver and colored garlands; cardboard fireplaces; giant red-and-white candy canes; angels, snowmen, Santas, wreaths. And the Christmas trees everywhere! Brightly, joyfully decorated with ornaments and garland wound round and round. I wish I could take pics of it all and share with you but it really has to be experienced in person. One family puts up a large cardboard fireplace and hangs stockings on it with each family member’s name; each year, more and more stockings are added to the fireplace. It always moves me; their family clearly consists of those who are still here physically as well as their loved one who crossed over.

And that’s the other beauty of the cemetery: you can feel the air almost vibrating with all the love there! I wish I could share it with you; it’s utterly amazing and always stops me for a moment as I become accustomed to the vibration there. I believe that when we think of others with love in our hearts, we often create a strong, loving connection to them in spirit, whether they’re with or without a physical body. (When my daughter was a child, if we were apart, I’d think of her or she’d think of me with love and the other would feel it with absolute certainty. My mom did that, too, all my life, and even now I sense her loving presence at times.) The physical sense doesn’t matter; it’s temporary anyway and can get in the way of the deepest connections we can make. The forever part of our selves—our spirits—are joined in a beautiful wave of love.

It’s that love connection that makes the air vibrate, I think. As people decorate with their families, they’re loving those who are with them, they’re loving those who have gone ahead of them, they’re remembering their ancestors and their people, where they’ve come from, where they’ve been. It’s all infused with a powerful, abiding, enduring love. The connections blend and blur, filling the air, the earth, the sky, the decorations, the Christmas trees. It’s an amazing experience; I think it’s especially powerful there because ALL those people are gathered there on behalf of loved ones, thinking, remembering and creating a whole lot of love energy concentrated all in one place. Even after they’ve left, that palpable energy remains in the places they’ve been. I’m really glad we still have cemeteries where so many can gather to generate this amazing and loving experience.

I hadn’t been to the cemetery since July when I broke my ankle. Mom’s headstone was in sore need of polishing and the leaves needed to be cleared off. I tried to pry the flower vases from the holes in the ground but they were tightly and stubbornly stuck. I wrestled and wrestled with them until one of the cemetery workers driving by stopped to help, using his shovel to pull the vases out and then to clear the overgrown grass around them. I was grateful for his kind help and wished him a Merry Christmas as he smiled, waved and drove away. I arranged my flowers, cleared away the grass and polished and polished Mom’s headstone until it gleamed. I knelt and prayed, sending her love, sending love to my tios and tias, my abuelos, my cousins and friends who have all gone ahead, adding to the existing loving energy in that place. My restlessness became a calmer, quieter, loving giddiness. Filled with love from all that energy, I’m soooooo ready for Christmas.

Namaste

Of Advent, anticipation and acceptance

Advent is a time of joyful anticipation, a space to slow down, prepare, go within and examine our hearts and souls, finding a home in our hearts for the spirit of the season; for many of us, for the love of a Savior, a new King. In the midst of holiday hustle and bustle, shopping, decorating, baking, parties, it can be hard to consider Advent being a slowing down time. I used to get caught up in all the chaos until I started focusing on the Advent aspect of this time of year. Eventually, I learned to plan and organize so that I can slow down during Advent. My trick? I take the week off after Thanksgiving, do my shopping (mostly online), write out my cards, do my holiday decorating and spend time preparing my inner life while the outer life around me buzzes with Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays, extended shopping hours, sweater sales and people frantically trying to find the perfect toy. That week allows me to get things done and frees up my time for the rest of the season so I can be more thoughtful, less hurried, more prepared. I remove myself from all the holiday chaos, intentionally, purposefully, planfully.

And that was the plan this year. I took the week off – and promptly became very ill the day after Thanksgiving. I was sick with fever, sweat, chills, nausea – oh, so sick! I lost 14.5 lbs in 4 days. I did manage to get the online shopping done toward the and of the week, but the cards didn’t get mailed, the decorating didn’t get done and three weeks later, I’m still recovering, with a lingering cough and an uncertain tummy.

Life happens and we have to adapt and adjust our plans accordingly, trusting that everything will turn out the way that it’s supposed to. I think of a young girl betrothed to be married, making her plans to become a wife. But all the plans change when her entire world is tossed upside down by the appearance of an angel with a remarkable, fantastical story. I think of a carpenter, betrothed to a girl who we understand to be faith-filled, good and virtuous. Then plans change when he is told that this good girl is pregnant—and not by him, which, according to the laws of the day, could result in her being stoned as punishment. Instead of having her stoned for her betrayal, he decides to quietly divorce her. But plans change again (another angel!) and he takes her as his wife. The lives that they had planned together took a wild, unexpected, unplanned detour. Yet with deep faith they trusted that everything would turn out the way it was supposed to turn out in some unknown way.

Faith is not rigid, unyielding. Faith requires flexibility, an adaptive spirit, the ability to go with the flow. Faith requires accepting the possibility of change, that things may not go the way we’d planned. We can’t stay attached to the plans when circumstances change; rigid attachment creates misery and unhappiness. We have to release our expectations and be flexible to whatever comes up.

Although I didn’t accomplish all I wanted to during my vacation week, I did slow down during Advent nonetheless, editing my plans to suit my changed circumstances, giving up a little in order to gain the peace and calm that nourishes me at Advent. Trusting with deep faith that everything would turn out the way it is supposed to turn out.

 
I wish you and yours the deep, abiding peace, love and happy joy of the season!

Love,

Rose

A bit of creativity with stuff on hand

View from the pier, Christmas Eve 2009

After 9 months of being home and having all the time in the world to do whatever I needed to do, I need to work on my time management skills now that I’m working again – lol! The week and the weekend really got away from me so this will just have to be a quick post and I’ll try to carve out a bit more time next weekend.

With a tiny Christmas budget for 2009, I had to get the ol’ creative juices churning and figure out what kind of gifts that I could create myself that would be (1) pleasing to the giftee, (2) inexpensive to make, and (3) would be something I could do fairly well. (Sewing projects would be out of the question. Yes, I have a sewing machine. In a closet. In a box … that’s never been opened.)

Quite fortunately, I had several different frames on hand that I’d collected for other “one-day-when-I-have-time” projects. Ah ha! [Insert lightbulb icon here.] So each of my brothers got a framed pic of us all together on Dad’s 80th birthday. Dad got a pic, too. I also had a small photo book printed for Dad with family pics, juxtaposing certain pics for effect: a 70s family portrait on the same page as a more recent family pic; Dad walking me up the aisle next to a pic of Dad walking my daughter, Amber, up the aisle. I tried to put some real thought into the pics I selected. I think he really liked it, cuz he kept saying things like “Oh, would you look at that.” and other Dad-like expressions that indicate he likes something. Dad isn’t an effusive type, but his comments assured me he was happy. In fact, he went through it at least three times while we were together. [Insert my smile here.]

I also had a photo book printed for my daughter and son-in-law of our vacation to Mexico in June. It was fun to see them all going through it, laughing at sunburns and remembrances of the fun we had. And one of the frames I so fortunately had on hand had 4 inserts so I put in some of our Mexico pics plus a very cute pic of the girls taken recently .

In addition to frames, I also had two shadowboxes on hand, bought years ago with the intent to make something cool for the girls. Now was the time! Still staying with the Mexico theme, I made a shadowbox for each of them with different colors and stickers, some flowers and shells (some that their mom and I’d collected over the years) and one of my favorite pics from our trip: a rear-view of Jas and Bri in their swimsuits, walking across a footbridge, with their arms around one another, carefree and happy. I was really hoping they’d like them; I wanted to make these nice and memorable for them.

On Christmas morning, I watched Jas’ face closely as she began to open her shadowbox: her smile got bigger and then bigger and then spread like sunshine all over as she opened it. Bam! She looked so darned happy! [Insert my smile here, too.] She loved the picture and she loved how I decorated the boxes. Yay! Bri loved hers, too, but Jas had the biggest reaction.

In yet another very fortunate stroke of good luck, Jas asked for a painting by me for Christmas and it so happened that I had an extra blank canvas already in the closet. Inspired by a painting I’d found on an art site, I painted a light, happy floral for her:

With a mix of creativity, some things on hand and a desire to do something special for those I love, I managed to stay within budget and had a lot of fun making and creating memorable gifts for my family. A very happy Christmas! 

A little bit of sparkle …

Growing up, I always looked forward to getting our Christmas tree and setting it up. We didn’t do much other holiday decor; the tree was magnificent on its own, sometimes with a train going round the base and among the pile of presents gathered there. At my Tio and Tia’s house, my Tio created magical little buildings by hand from cardboard with doors and windows, the windows covered with a type of glassine for sparkle, and cotton for snow. As a single parent, the tree my daughter and I set up glowed in gold and crystal with lots of little white lights. I loved those lights because they tinkled softly as they blinked on and off. With her on my lap and my arms wrapped around my precious daughter, we’d have all the other lights off and just gaze at the tree together in the quiet of Christmas … tink … tink … tink …

For holiday decorating, I still prefer simple displays, just a little bit of sparkle, enough to mark the season, but not so much as to distract me from the focus of Advent. I haven’t had a tree in years; I’m allergic to real ones and even a fake one is more work than I care to do, rearranging furniture, moving things around. Instead, I just do a few simple displays.

The first to go up at the beginning of Advent: the manger and my advent candles. The manger’s on the new etagere this year, with tiny lights to light it.  As always, the angel hanging above falls if nudged even a little. Christmas tradition.

Instead of an Advent wreath, I gather the appropriately colored candles (three purple, one rose, one white) and place them on an oval glass tray with a bit of greenery, some sparkly ribbon, beads, gold ornaments and crystal gems. (Photo is from the 2nd Sunday in Advent last week.)

Those are the two most important displays for me. Everything else is just for a bit of sparkle. Lights on the etagere, garland and lights on the staircase, a glass bowl of rocks and shells to which I’ve added some ornaments and beads.

A simple, peaceful Advent as I await the celebration of the birth of a Savior.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peace and goodness to you and yours.

Filled with Christmas Spirit!

I am so filled with Christmas spirit I can hardly stand myself! I have no decor up yet, no baking done, no presents wrapped - and I'm filled with happy, exciting Christmas spirit from head to toe! Christmas is truly in the heart. (All that other stuff is optional.)

I love Christmas, yes I do! I love Christmas, how 'bout you?

Do you love Christmas music? I love to listen to it, dancing joyfully in my living room.

Here’s my Pandora Christmas music station, if you’d like to have a listen: http://www.pandora.com/?ext_lsfi=sw57244878987972132#/stations/play/sw57244878987972132

I love to play my favorite carols and music on my piano, lost in an afternoon of happiness. When I was a girl, my family would all gather around the piano and sing. Oh, what joy it would be to hear my mother’s voice for real instead of just in my heart when I play now! One brother and I would take alternating parts for Good King Wenceslas. When we gather at his and my sister-in-law’s house nowadays for Christmas, I play the piano in their home while the rest of the crowd is gathered in the family room and kitchen, providing background music for the celebration.

Christmas is about celebration, the celebration of the Gift, and the love of the Divine for each of us. I feel that sense of celebration in every fiber of my being these days! Happy, joy-filled, dancing in my heart and in my feet, my fingers dancing across the keys of the piano, my voice lifted in song. I love Christmas!