Our infinite, divine nature

I hope you’ll indulge me another post regarding my journey through this 21-day meditation challenge (https://chopracentermeditation.com). This is from yesterday’s meditation:

In today’s meditation we will reflect on the beautiful truth that we are already whole. We were created by universal intelligence as a complete expression of love, wisdom, and happiness. If we feel like something is missing, it is because we are seeing through the eyes of our ego-mind, which has a limited perspective of our infinite, divine nature. 

With the realization that we already have everything we need and desire, we give up the exhausting search to find that person or situation or achievement to make us feel whole. We stop waiting for someone to complete us and open to the love that is right here, right now, in our own heart.  And, from that boundless well of spirit, we are free to share the deepest experience of love with the people in our lives.

Do you fully believe that we are already whole, that in our truest essence nothing is missing, nothing is wrong or in need or in need of fixing? Do you believe that you are a complete expression of love, wisdom and happiness? Through years of study, practice and learning, I do believe these things … most of the time. I believe in my wholeness and trust that I am loved as I am, unconditionally. I feel that my truest essence is love and that we are all interconnected at our truest essence, the Divine within.

Ah, but the ego-mind does sort of get in the way and say “Wait! You have to live in the ‘real’ world. Everything just isn’t hunky dory in the real world. People get sick, people suffer, the world is polluted. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.” But is that the “real” world? Some think it’s just an illusion and our real world is the Love within us. The ego has its uses, but it doesn’t trust, it is suspicious, it is cautious and careful. How often have we worried and been anxious about something, only to have everything turn out well in the end, and usually not just well but better than expected? After a few times of being in a similar situation, we start to trust with our inner being: “Yes, I’ve been here before and it turned out well. I trust it will be well again.” That’s growth, that’s learning, that’s remembering the lessons we are given.

In today’s meditation, one phrase really stood out to me. It expresses our oneness, our reliance on all parts of the whole being well and expresses the Love within. It’s something that I can practice asking in my heart in my encounters with others:

How can I contribute to your peace and well-being?

Namaste

Meant to be humble …

“No one is disadvantaged before God”

Still unemployed, still looking for work that will pay a reasonable salary. The other day I was doing some job-search-related work on LinkedIn and checked out the profiles of some former co-workers. Some now have titles like Director, Vice President, Sr. Vice President, Executive Vice President. While I’m happy for their accomplishments (and they are very well deserved, indeed; very good, smart people), I wondered what happened to me? Not in a feeling-sorry-for-myself way at all; more like a self-examination of my career path, what choices I may have made, what actions I might have taken, what I might have done differently to achieve similar status and been more successful.

At one point, I was on the fast track toward a vice president position … then the company was bought out and new management brought in who had their own people. I’ve been in two other companies that were bought out, staffs were downsized, departments absorbed; another company closed in the dot-com bust; another had a major Reduction in Force in 2008’s economic downturn. I left another great job for a more attractive opportunity, then the director who hired me was promoted and his successor had a different vision for the group that didn’t include the role I had accepted.

Two friends gifted me with a couple of thoughts recently that helped me to get my head and heart straight and gain some wisdom and understanding:

One friend is having to close her business after pouring her savings, sweat and lifeblood into it. In talking about our situations last week, she said that her husband had told her “Maybe we’re just meant to be humble.”

“Meant to be humble.” That really struck a chord with me. I would love to have the nicer things in life, not too extravagant, but nicer. I love beautiful things that are simple and well crafted. That pic above just makes me gasp; the beautiful lines of the tub, the elegant floors and oh, yeah, how about that view? I’m not into fussy, ornate, busy; show me sleek, simple, perhaps with a bit of rustic, mixed with some happy color. In some ways, my tastes are already humble. But still, I would like to be able to purchase some nice towels, perhaps new dishware, re-upholster my Mom’s rocking chair, have some curtains that aren’t from Ikea, update the bathroom. I’ve never really had that “extra” that would allow me to have a nicer car/wardrobe/shoes/décor. I’ve always had to watch my budget. (My brothers and I joke “Why wasn’t Dad a rich shipping magnate?”)

As I pondered these thoughts about humbleness, another friend posted this illuminating thought on Facebook:

“No one is disadvantaged before God.”

It was as though the Divine meant those words specifically for me. Those who are vice presidents and those who are unemployed: before the Divine, we’re all the same. Wealth, titles, beautiful bathtubs—none of these matter ultimately. Those are things of the physical world, not of the place where our souls are. I was letting my ego lead my thoughts instead of the heart of my Divine self. There is ultimately a great equalizer as we move forward in our journeys. My friend’s husband spoke it so truly: We are meant to be humble people, all of us. None of us is disadvantaged where it counts. A little wisdom gained.

Sticky labels

 

It’s difficult to truly know anyone (others don’t see us the way we see ourselves), so we’re constantly showing each other who we are, trying to gain some understanding of one another. It can be difficult to change others’ perceptions, though, especially because we tend to show different aspects of our selves to different people. We’re one person at work, but we’re different people with our parents, our friends, our loved ones, even our pets.

It’s human nature to want acceptance, so we play the roles needed to be accepted within each group. It’s a lifelong journey (at least for me) trying to reconcile all our “selves” and to learn to be authentic and genuine, to drop away the false ego, live our own Truth and connect with our Divine center within.

“People will try to tell you who you are your whole life. When they do, you’ve got to push back and say “No! THIS is who I am.” 
~ Emma, Once Upon a Time

It’s human nature to categorize; we tend to like things to fit in nice little, easily identifiable slots. We slap a label on the box—smart, funny, odd, slow, old, young, fat, thin—because we believe it helps us to know how to interact with the person. Labels are easier than getting to know a person. But labels are so limiting. I rarely tell people my age, for example, because I’ve found that they tend to then treat me differently. I want them to know me, not the number of years I’ve been on this side of my journey.

Labels aren’t just limiting, they also tend to be sticky, not easily changed. But people are always growing, learning, changing. I think most people spend much of their lives trying to be better people and learning what that means for them. Personally, I pick various undesirable traits of mine (impatience, judgment) and try to work on them to change and improve myself, with varying success.

Everything is impermanent; people and circumstances are always changing. No one stays exactly the same all their lives. We have to keep our hearts open to see the changes and not retain our old perceptions when they no longer hold true. With open hearts—and no labels—we can see the genuine consciousness within a person, not just the outer shell projected to the world. We need to stop slapping labels on others and work harder at trying to see the essence within.

Namaste

One.

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.”-John Lennon

"I look forward confidently to the day when all … will be one with no thought to their separateness as Negroes, Jews, Italians or any other distinctions."- Martin Luther King Jr.

One.

I caught a few minutes of “Driving Miss Daisy” recently; there’s a scene where two Southern cops call Hoke “boy” several times, in that superior, swaggering, dripping-with-honeyed-hatred manner some Southern whites of that time held. That accent toward anyone has always turned my stomach. I also just finished reading “Island Beneath the Sea” (Isabel Allende), a story of slavery in Sainte-Domingue (before it was Haiti) and then later in New Orleans. Brutality toward any other being is so difficult to read about or watch.

One.

When Fear rules and guides a person—instead of Love—anyone who is the “other” (not like “us”) is to be viewed with suspicion, instead of welcomed and embraced with kindness. Witness the separateness and segregation of early immigrants: Jews, Italians, Irish with their foreign languages and customs; the separateness of women, requiring new laws to break that separateness; the separateness of Cuban refugees; the separateness and segregation of blacks, of the hatred and brutality they endured; the separateness of gays; the separateness of Latinos, those with legal status and without.

One.

The elimination of separateness seems to move through four stages:

• Tolerance 
  No one really likes “them” in our schools and society, but the “other” is tolerated, allowed limited contact
• Acceptance 
  At some point, it’s accepted that the “other” is here, like it or not, so just make the best of it.
• Integration
  Beyond acceptance, there comes a measure of equality and the “other” becomes more integrated into society, less noticed as different.
• Ignorance 
  The most complete acceptance is when the “other” is so fully integrated into all facets of life (work, schools, business, politics) that one makes no distinction at all. There is no longer any difference that fosters fear as before.

Ignorance of any difference is the goal, of course, where there is no fear or suspicion, no separateness. It’s the place where we truly become One. We see a person as tall, short, black, white, one-armed, male, female, gay, straight, etc., of course, but we make no judgment or criticism. We make no assumptions based upon the physical make-up of a person.

One.

“… your essential nature is pure consciousness. Beyond the disguises of ego-mind and the physical body, you are pure awareness, pure joy and pure potentiality.” – Deepak Chopra

When we drop away the ego and the physical, we realize that our essence—all of us—is a Divine nature, and the Divine doesn’t have a physical body. We inhabit our physical vessel for such a brief period of time and yet, some people spend far too much time noting the differences between our bodies instead of the sameness of our souls. We are not our bodies. We are not our bodies. We are not our bodies. When our mortal vessels can no longer live and we are released from our body, we will no longer have gender. We will no longer have skin color. We will no longer have sexual differences. We will no longer have handicaps or illnesses.

All these require a physical body and without a body, we then fully and completely realize Truth: we are the same.

One.

.

On my nightstand …

Do you enjoy reading? Growing up, my parents, brothers and I were voracious readers, heading to the library each Saturday, returning home with the maximum number of books we were allowed to check out and repeating the cycle again the following Saturday. We’d sometimes negotiate with one another at the library: “You check out those and I’ll check out these and then we’ll switch.” We read a wide variety of topics in books, magazines (from Readers Digest to MAD Magazine), comic books; consumed the Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz series, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew; classics like Call of the Wild, Little Women, Walden; history, wars, political intrigue, mysteries, Egyptology, dance, music – we’d read under the covers after Mom told us to turn out the light. (I think of a lot of us did that! ha!)

I go through spurts of interests in my reading. At one point, I was primarily reading business books along the lines of In Search of Excellence; at another stage, I read classics that I’d missed (Grapes of Wrath); and at another, I indulged in Latino authors and stories.

Lately, my reading has mostly been regarding spirituality and our yearning to connect with the Divine. There is such a wealth of reading available and many of my like-minded friends have wonderful recommendations that I keep adding to my list.

Right now on my nightstand are four wonderful books that I’ve recently completed reading.

- The Yoga of Jesus draws beautiful, rich parallels between the teachings of Jesus Christ and those of the ancient yogis. Examining Christian teachings through a yogic viewpoint provided greater clarity and a deeper understanding; I read this slowly, pondering and absorbing, going back to re-read sections. A beautiful, enriching experience.

- In Your Truest Self, Jan Lundy interviews 12 inspiring spiritual women and identifies 12 spiritual principles to help us strip away the false ego and identities we’ve manufactured and to reach inside to the truest and most authentic version of who we are. There are thoughts to ponder, reflections and exercises to aid our journeys. I love the stories of the 12 women and was inspired by the way their personal belief systems helped them through very challenging situations.

- Happy Yoga – possibly my favorite book ever! This is the third time I’ve read this book, it’s that amazing. It’s not about physical yoga, so much; it’s about how to be happy! I think that just about every word in this book resonates with me. The first time I read it, some of the ideas and principles were very new to me but felt so right, like a personal discovery that I’d known all along but that had been hidden from me until I read this book. Reading Happy Yoga always gives me profound joy!

- Anam Cara is by Celtic poet John O’Donohue and if you’ve ever listened to his audiotapes, you’ll find yourself hearing his smoothly lilting Celtic voice in the prose. The language is utterly beautiful, each word like consuming the finest meal and drink. O’Donohue’s love for Celtic mystical thought shines forth and he brings you into a world of deeply ancient truths, of harmony with all that is Divine.

And now I’m re-reading The Four Agreements, a book of simple, practical guidance that challenges me to be more mindful and operate from a different state of heart.

What’s on your nightstand? Any recommendations you’d like to offer? Which reminds me: I need to renew my library card!

Ego and a broken ankle

Attractive, isn’t it? Thursday at work I slipped on a paper that had dropped on the ground, my right leg sliding forward while my left leg and ankle twisted up behind me. (Thankful that I’m flexible and can do splits.) Yowza! It hurt something fierce so I just sat there on the ground for a few moments, making jokes with co-workers who had gathered, putting my arms up in the air with a brave “Ta-da!”

I thought it was just twisted and some ice and elevation would help. By the end of the day, it was still hurting pretty badly. Several co-workers offered to help me, but I kept saying “Thanks so much, it’ll be OK.” When I tried to walk, though, I realized I might need a little help. One friend helped me to the elevator so I wouldn’t have to take the stairs and another drove me to my car. “Are you sure you can drive?” “Oh, yeah, I’ll be OK.” “Call me if you feel you need to pull over and I’ll get you.” “Thanks! I’ll be OK.”

I have a manual transmission, a stick shift, a clutch. It was NOT OK. Every time I had to depress the clutch was like sending electric shocks of pain shooting through my ankle and leg. It actually felt crunchy. Stop-and-go traffic on the freeway didn’t help. “Turn green … turn green … turn green …” I said at every light after I got off the freeway.

I drove to the after-hours clinic, hobbling up to the door. “I’m sorry, the doctor just left. There’s another clinic across the street.” I hobbled back to the car and drove to the other clinic. “Do you need a wheelchair?” My first inclination was to say No, I’ll be OK, but the wheelchair sounded pretty good by then, so I accepted.

X-rays showed that I’d fractured the bone about two inches above the ankle, an unusual break according to the doctor and x-ray tech. When they found that I’d driven myself almost 20 miles on a broken ankle, they looked at me like I was a crazy person. “How are you getting home?” “I’ll drive myself.” Again, the crazy looks. “Do you have anyone at home to help you?” “No, but I’ll be OK.” Again, with the looks and comments like “You’re very strong.”

Thankfully, my daughter called me when I was preparing to drive home and said she and her hubs were in the area (they live 50 miles away) and would drive me home. I accepted. Being strong at this point wouldn’t be too smart. I had to accept help.

This is a good lesson for me. Like the other strong women I know, I am stubbornly independent. Being a single parent taught me to stand on my own two feet and get 'er done without asking others for help. I could always figure it out and take care of things. So it's very difficult for me to accept any help from others. I never want to impose on others or have them go out of their way on my account.

One of the things I’ve been working on is releasing the ego and I see this as part of the lesson. It’s ego that makes me rush to help others, but not accept help when I need it. It’s humbling to accept help from others; even more humbling to ask for help. But I have to. Humility is a good lesson to learn. I have to put aside ego, do what I can reasonably do and allow others to help me with the rest.

My daughter and her family brought me dinner on Friday night and stayed to visit. My precious friend Vicki is lending me her car (automatic) while she’s in Scotland. Her daughter/my goddaughter Taylor took my laundry upstairs for me when they brought the car over. My brother has offered to let me stay at his place where I can use their downstairs suite. The bedrooms are upstairs in my home and navigating the stairs is challenging; I’ve learned to go down on my butt. So I’m going to go and stay with him and his wife for a few days. My neighbor just called and left a message offering to help, too.

I’m being humbled but I’m learning. And I’m grateful this is temporary.

Namaste

choosing happy …

It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to sit and write. Apologies. I miss it when I don’t write. All these thoughts, discoveries, questions, ponderings buzzing around inside my head always want to get out and usually end up on notes here and there until I can find time. I have endless notes in random places, so have plenty of material from all my navel-gazing, but the time to write seems to elude me. Glad to be here for a quick post. Hope to get back to reading my favorite blogs more regularly, too.

Once again, life is changing … in a really good way! Background: I was unemployed for nine months last year after being laid off. A wonderful period of rejuvenation, wonder, happiness and walks. Then I started a new job in December. Within the first week, I knew it wasn’t the right fit, either professionally or personally. Professionally, because I was hired as an Interactive Project Manager, and the company did not have an interactive group, nor did they practice project management. Personally, because it was a very toxic environment for anyone with any kind of sensitivity, which would mean most people. A lot of agitation, aggressiveness, finger-pointing, accusation … a negative and hostile work situation. It physically hurt to work there.

I applied and interviewed for several months while continuing to work at the company. Then a few weeks ago, someone from my previous company (the one that had laid me off last year), contacted me regarding an opportunity there. It would be in a different department and the pay would be less than I’d made there previously (but more than I was currently making). Basically, both the title and the pay would be lower than before.

I gave it a lot of thought. My job search the past few months was entirely targeted toward interactive project management, but this opportunity was in quality assurance, and I would not hold a manager title, for the first time in many, many years. In three other companies, I’d been a QA Manager, establishing the discipline for each company and growing the department, before I became an interactive project manager.

Did I want to move from a manager role to an analyst role? Did I want to abandon my search for an interactive project manager role? Did I want to return to my former company in a different capacity, with different responsibilities?

When I asked my daughter for her thoughts, she simply asked: “Mom, what would make you happy?”

What would make me happy? Doing work that I do well, working with people I enjoy, being successful in my efforts, being in a good, supportive company, going home at the end of the day feeling happy and satisfied. Those are the types of things that make me happy. Feeling that I’ve contributed and done the best job I can do. Feeling that I'm in a place where I can thrive, professionally and personally. Pay, title—those aren’t things that drive me to excel and achieve. Nice to have, but not important to the health and wholeness of my spirit. In fact, when I really thought about it, pay and title are more about my ego than they are about happiness. And I’ve been really working the past few years on learning to release ego. Maybe that’s why this opportunity was presented to me at this time, to help me in my journey, to help me be less prideful and less egotistical? Maybe the lesson here is to learn what choices will simply make me happy?

“Mom, what would make you happy?” I stopped thinking (ego) and started feeling (spirit). When I thought about going back to my previous company, I felt physically light and happy; right with the world. There was a lift to my spirit and a smile in my heart. What more did I need? Every experience has value and helps us along our journey here and there was a reason that I had to spend time at the “toxic” company. I’m exceedingly happy to report that I’m starting my new job at my old company in a different role tomorrow morning. I chose happy!