a little respect, just a little bit …

“…we now have a permanent presidential campaign that encourages all partisanship, all the time among our leading politicians.” - ” http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/30/opinion/30friedman.html?em

All partisanship – I’m not sure that I’m for “all partisanship.” I think we need to be bi- or multi-partisan – with intelligence, respect and courtesy for all parties involved. We need people to have differing opinions, to debate the issues from multiple viewpoints, to not agree on the best solution from the get-go. Each party should want something different, creating some tension in the argument that will give rise to flaws, errors in judgment, political blindness. Instant agreement doesn’t dredge up and expose the bad stuff.

I was once in a business meeting where two parties – the heads of their respective departments – seriously disagreed on an issue; option A would would have greater negative impact on one department, and option B would have greater negative impact on the other. Each one argued her points passionately and intelligently. And always respectfully. I remember thinking how impressed I was with each of them at that moment. It was the job of each department head to run her department well and to represent the best interests of the department, and that’s what each of these women was doing. This was an important issue and needed the depth of review and debate that their discussion was providing. If they’d agreed from the outset, there would have been no quality review, no discussion and questioning and exposure.

I believe it’s healthy – even vital and necessary - to have two (or more) different viewpoints when discussing Important Issues. Get it all out there, expose the flaws, discuss options, disagree and explain why you disagree. Listen. Listen and understand. Don’t keep playing the same record; listen to someone else’s. Broaden your thinking.

All this name-calling across the aisles and emotional propaganda by both sides is disrespectful of others’ opinions. The disrespect (and threats) accorded our previous and current presidents does not advance the discussion in an intelligent manner.

We need differing viewpoints on healthcare, the economy, and the other Important Issues. And we need to respect those viewpoints and appreciate that each person is doing his/her job, representing the best interests of his/her constituencies. It could be dangerous if everyone fully agreed on every Important Issue. We should agree that bipartisanship is a good thing. And respect our differences.

The Code

"Imagine all the people living life in peace." - John Lennon

The son of one of my beloved friends was recently accepted into the Ross Volunteer Company at A&M University. The top 80 juniors must pass a rigorous process to be selected for this prestigious distinction.

Those selected must maintain a strict code of honor, including abiding by "The Code of a Gentleman":
A Gentleman...
Does not discuss his family affairs in public or with acquaintances.
Does not speak more than casually about his girlfriend.
Does not go to a lady's house if he is affected by alcohol. He is temperate in the use of alcohol.
Does not allow his temper; nor exhibit anger, fear, hate, embarrassment, ardor or hilarity in public.
Does not hail a lady from a club (Barracks) window.
Never discusses the merits or demerits of a lady.
Does not mention names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost.
Does not borrow money from a friend, except on dire need. Money borrowed is a debt of honor, and must be repaid as promptly as possible. Debts incurred by a deceased parent, brother, sister, or grown child are assumed by honorable men as a debt of honor.
Does not display his wealth, money, or possessions.
Does not put his manner on and off, whether it the club or in the ballroom. He treats people with courtesy, no matter what their social position may be.
Does not slap strangers on the back nor so as much lay a finger on a lady.
Does not "lick the boots of those above" nor "kick the face of those below him on the social ladder."
Does not take advantage of another's helplessness or ignorance and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him.
Respects the reserves of others, but demands that others respect those which are his.
Can become what he wills to be.

Old-fashioned? Or simply good manners applied to good values? These are the kinds of behaviors that once were expected of all people: being kind to others, not showing off, treating people with common courtesy. Above all, respecting oneself. These are the values with which I was raised, and with which most of my friends were raised.

Wouldn't it be a very different world if we all adopted/adapted The Code of a Gentleman? I can't be the only person who is dismayed at the public displays of bad behavior on My Space and Facebook, or from spring break revelers. Jerry Springer wouldn't have a show if we all adopted The Code of a Gentleman.

Imagine a society where we all curbed our tempers, were temperate in our use of alcohol, refrained from gossiping about others, or taking advantage of others; imagine a polite, healthy world where we respected others and ourselves. Imagine sharing the road with kind drivers who never lost their tempers to road rage. Imagine people having self-respect and not suffering from altered behavior due to an excess of alcohol. Imagine us all doing what is right for us and for others, treating others with courtesy at all times.

Imagine spreading kindness to each person who shares our life journey today. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a hand extended to help another. Simply being good and kind gentlemen and ladies.

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Today's simple pleasure: giving my hard-working, home-owning daughter a back rub

Can you see me now?

Do you ever notice how rare it is for people to acknowledge one another as we go through our days? Yet, we are all members of the human family, co-inhabitors of the planet, neighbors, branches of the same Tree of Life. So why do we not acknowledge our shared humanity?

My daughter and I used to make it a point to smile at other people in their cars as we drove, to really look at people and see their eyes and smile. How fun it was when they'd smile back! It would lift our hearts and we'd see them continue on their way, still smiling. Hopefully, they then shared that smile with the next person ... and so on and so on ... passing the smiles forward ...

When I'm paying a cashier for a purchase or talking with a server, I make it a point to look at them and make some small-talk comment; often it leads to a short, happy conversation, a human connection bridging our lives for a few light-filled moments, as happened earlier today when I was chatting with the Target cashier as she rang up my purchases. My granddaughters always laugh; "Nana! You're always talking to strangers!" They find it - and me - a bit odd. We went to Disneyland recently and I spoke to strangers throughout the entire day: a couple having an impromptu picnic in the grass, a group of young men who asked me to take their picture, people standing in line with us. They were thoroughly amused at their crazy-friendly Nana.

I was shoe-shoppping recently and had a completely delightful conversation with another shopper, a friendly, light-hearted woman about my age, with a beautiful light about her. We talked about which heels to buy, which lead to a discussion about dancing, where she and her husband go, about salsa and Latin men, about the other items she was purchasing - oh, we had the best time two strangers in a store could have in ten minutes!

Sometimes Bug and Li'l Bug will try to talk to me while I'm paying a cashier, and I gently remind them not to interrupt, that I have to pay attention to the person with whom I'm currently interacting. Long ago, I used to work retail and when I'd be ringing up a sale, I'd make it a point to pay attention to the shopper, to acknowledge them and thank them. Sometimes the shopper wouldn't even look at me, vaguely handing the money over in my general direction, taking the bag and mumbling a "thanks" as they walked away, their head in some other place far away. Sometimes in a place of business, I'll wonder if I've suddenly acquired the super-power of invisibility - (proclaimed in an announcer's voice) Invisible Girl! - as I try to get a server or sales associate's attention.

These days, I see people all the time rudely yakking away on their cellphones while the cashier or order-taker is trying to help them, sometimes trying to get an answer to a question while the shopper is entirely oblivious to the person's existence. Lately, I've seen signs in a few shops asking people to get off their cellphones while placing their order. This always makes me smile - and I then have a nice chat with the order-taker about the sign and we both laugh.

Simple politeness would tell one not to be on a cellphone when you're conducting a transaction with another human being. Simple politeness would suggest that we acknowledge one another as we go about our days, to smile or nod a "hello" as we pass. Simple politeness would compel us to engage with one another using good manners, looking the other person in the eye, speaking in a friendly voice. It lifts up both parties when we do so. And it shows your mama raised you right.

"The Christ in me recognizes the Christ in you." Instead of being a thousand miles away, we can be Here, in the present moment, present to the other people in our immediate energetic field, exchanging that energy with one another, acknowledging their simple humanity, influencing one another in a positive way, maybe brightening someone's day for a few moments. We can recognize the Divine in one another when we take a moment to simply and fully be present to each other, to see the simple Goodness within and smile and offer our Light.

~Namaste

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Today's simple pleasure: the CD of her own beautiful music compositions that my yoga teacher gave to me this morning.