Gratitude – come see my guest post on Shine the Divine

My lovely friend Laura asked me and several other bloggers to guest on her blog throughout the month of November, sharing our thoughts on gratitude. Laura has an amazing strength and resilience that always inspires me. A talented artist, photographer, writer, wife, mother, counselor; loving, kind, courageous and wise.

After you read my post (and Cathy’s too!), please explore her site and her story; be sure to check out the Thanksgiving post and the glorious, colorful Gratitude quilt, a gathering of over 100 writers. 

http://orli-shines.blogspot.com/2010/11/gratitude-month-continues-with-guest.html

releasing expectations

 

I’m re-reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Good stuff to mull over, absorb and see what comes up, finding what rings true for you. As I tell others “Keep what speaks to you and discard the rest.”

The 2nd Agreement:

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Different things recently have reminded me about this Agreement and how we get attached to preconceived outcomes. Earlier this week, I thought someone was unappreciative of the extra effort I put in, then I remembered the Agreement and realized that each of us held different expectations of the outcome we desired. I was expecting kudos and attaboys, but the other person was focused on a different outcome. “Nothing others do is because of you.”

Another example of a preconceived outcome: A friend has been estranged from his son for a few years. Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, the estranged son texted my friend. Something light like “Hey, how’s it going?” Instead of being joyous that his son had texted him after all this time (wouldn’t that be hard for the son to do?), my friend was upset because the text wasn’t worded the way friend wished it had been. “Shouldn’t he have said ‘Hey, Dad’?” “Don’t you think he should’ve said he’s sorry?” “I’d think he’d say something like …”

I couldn’t believe all the shoulds—the expectations—my friend had as to how his son should have composed the text message. Looking at my friend, I said the point was that his son had reached out and contacted him. The words could have been “eeny meeny miney moe”; they don’t matter. What mattered was that his son broke through and connected. Isn’t that ultimately what they wanted, to resolve the rift? I imagine my friend had been playing an entirely different picture in his mind for how they’d reconnect and this didn’t fit his mental movie. He had a preconceived scenario and couldn’t switch from his expected outcome and accept the different outcome (a great outcome!) that actually resulted. He held on to what he imagined instead of embracing what is, creating “needless suffering.”

I believe it's best not to be attached to a preconceived outcome; the outcome we desire rarely manifests exactly the way we envision.  To have a preconceived outcome in mind is to invite certain disappointment. That’s not to say we shouldn’t imagine how we’d like things to be (I enjoy fantasizing about a lush garden and a cute puppy), but we shouldn’t become attached to them. Hold loosely to that which is not sacred. Hold loosely to expectations.

Many families hold expectations during the holidays. If we go into these gatherings with a Norman Rockwell picture fixed firmly in our imagination—expecting certain characters to be other than what they’ve always been through the years—we’re going to be disappointed. Family gatherings can be big, noisy, messy things. Sometimes words are misunderstood or misinterpreted. Sometimes feelings get hurt entirely unintentionally. (I tend to trust in the Good Intentions of others.)

Better to release our attachments to those expected outcomes and be flexible to whatever comes up. Let it go. Let it flow. Ride the wave. Don’t take anything personally. Instead of thinking “that’s a rude comment” just think “that’s a comment.” Don’t interpret and judge; people usually don’t mean to hurt others. We begin to misunderstand each other when we judge things in terms of “should” and “good/bad.” Be accepting and flow like water.

Letting go of preconceived outcomes allows us to open our hearts to a different, easier path, one where there is less needless suffering. Let it go and enjoy what happens. Just don’t take anything personally.

Namaste

On my nightstand …

Do you enjoy reading? Growing up, my parents, brothers and I were voracious readers, heading to the library each Saturday, returning home with the maximum number of books we were allowed to check out and repeating the cycle again the following Saturday. We’d sometimes negotiate with one another at the library: “You check out those and I’ll check out these and then we’ll switch.” We read a wide variety of topics in books, magazines (from Readers Digest to MAD Magazine), comic books; consumed the Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz series, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew; classics like Call of the Wild, Little Women, Walden; history, wars, political intrigue, mysteries, Egyptology, dance, music – we’d read under the covers after Mom told us to turn out the light. (I think of a lot of us did that! ha!)

I go through spurts of interests in my reading. At one point, I was primarily reading business books along the lines of In Search of Excellence; at another stage, I read classics that I’d missed (Grapes of Wrath); and at another, I indulged in Latino authors and stories.

Lately, my reading has mostly been regarding spirituality and our yearning to connect with the Divine. There is such a wealth of reading available and many of my like-minded friends have wonderful recommendations that I keep adding to my list.

Right now on my nightstand are four wonderful books that I’ve recently completed reading.

- The Yoga of Jesus draws beautiful, rich parallels between the teachings of Jesus Christ and those of the ancient yogis. Examining Christian teachings through a yogic viewpoint provided greater clarity and a deeper understanding; I read this slowly, pondering and absorbing, going back to re-read sections. A beautiful, enriching experience.

- In Your Truest Self, Jan Lundy interviews 12 inspiring spiritual women and identifies 12 spiritual principles to help us strip away the false ego and identities we’ve manufactured and to reach inside to the truest and most authentic version of who we are. There are thoughts to ponder, reflections and exercises to aid our journeys. I love the stories of the 12 women and was inspired by the way their personal belief systems helped them through very challenging situations.

- Happy Yoga – possibly my favorite book ever! This is the third time I’ve read this book, it’s that amazing. It’s not about physical yoga, so much; it’s about how to be happy! I think that just about every word in this book resonates with me. The first time I read it, some of the ideas and principles were very new to me but felt so right, like a personal discovery that I’d known all along but that had been hidden from me until I read this book. Reading Happy Yoga always gives me profound joy!

- Anam Cara is by Celtic poet John O’Donohue and if you’ve ever listened to his audiotapes, you’ll find yourself hearing his smoothly lilting Celtic voice in the prose. The language is utterly beautiful, each word like consuming the finest meal and drink. O’Donohue’s love for Celtic mystical thought shines forth and he brings you into a world of deeply ancient truths, of harmony with all that is Divine.

And now I’m re-reading The Four Agreements, a book of simple, practical guidance that challenges me to be more mindful and operate from a different state of heart.

What’s on your nightstand? Any recommendations you’d like to offer? Which reminds me: I need to renew my library card!

Mindful breathing

A little “Rose woo-woo” for a peaceful Sunday - lol!

I came upon this brief 5-step mindful breathing practice by Thich Nhat Hahn and wanted to share with you. I practice pranayama (mindful breathing) every morning through a series of three different practices: three-part ujjayi breathing, kapalabhati, and nadi shodana.

It's always fun and creatively satisfying, though, to come across other ways to practice.  And anything from Thich Nhat Hahn always seems to be just right for the moment.

"Breathing in, I dwell deeply in the present moment. Breathing out, I know this is a wonderful moment.”

If you'd like, try it and see if it brings peace and joy to you in this wonderful moment. Namaste

http://www.cyber-key.com/mj/meditation_TNH.html

kindness and compassion

So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies
And downwards to the depths ~ from the Metta Sutta

Kindness and compassion – they add such beauty to our living experiences. My parents always taught us to think of others, to extend ourselves to others, to look to ease others’ discomforts and to assist them in their needs. We always volunteered. It just comes naturally because it’s how I was raised. I don’t even think about it. I’m thankful for their gift and teaching.

My granddaughters laugh because I talk to everyone; I compliment the sales clerk on her earrings … and she shares a story of how they were passed down in her family. I talk to a couple enjoying lunch at Disneyland … and they tell me about their engagement. I talk to strangers every chance I get. People are just so wonderful when we see them through the eyes of kindness.

I smile when I drive: at other drivers, at pedestrians, at cyclists. It’s so beautiful when I get a big smile back!

My parents encouraged us to always think of how our actions affect the next person. When I drive, I try to anticipate if another driver will need to merge into my lane … and I slow down to allow them the room to change safely. In my yoga class, I always take a few minutes at the end of class to sort and arrange the yoga blocks so they’re nicely set up for use by the yogis in the next class.

We are all part of a Divine Consciousness, one Body, one Love Energy permeating through the separateness that we encounter in our physical selves. Goodness toward one is goodness toward all. Let us be good to one another. Let us be good to our selves.

May you give and receive kindness, compassion and goodness. Namaste

The Parable of the Old Man and the Horse

Watch a young child when he is first learning to walk, taking those Frankenstein steps, arms raised up instinctively for balance. Oops! Fell down. The child gets on all fours, gets back up again and continues lumbering.

Watch children playing in a playground, running, jumping, falling, getting back up and doing it all again (assuming no one gets hurt, of course).

A baby playing on a beach might get sand in her mouth, and sputters to get it out, her little sandy tongue pushing and instinctively spitting.

One of the great things we can learn from kids (especially young ones, before they’ve unlearned their magic) is to not judge events like these. A fall is just a fall. It’s neither good nor bad, really. It is just a fall and that is all it is. Things just are what they are, until we attach a judgment to them. (Kids are such wonderful teachers, aren’t they?)

When I fell and broke my ankle a couple of months ago, friends commiserated, some saying, “Oh, that’s terrible.” Is it terrible, though? Or is it just a fall? Is it just a broken ankle? Inconvenient, at times challenging, but it’s really neither bad nor good. It just IS.

Another friend recently posted an article about a product’s possible dangers. Some responded “Oh, that’s scary!” Is it?  If we don’t assign a judgment, it’s just information to consider and use to make consumer choices about the product.

We have a tendency to assign judgments to things so readily. Neighbors hollering and enjoying an afternoon football game could be an annoyance to some … or it could just be neighbors enjoying a game.

~ ~ ~

An old man lived in a tiny village, and although poor, he had a good, hard-working horse to help him on his farm. “You are lucky to have such a fine horse!” his neighbors told him.

One day, the horse was not in the stable. “What a tragedy!” his neighbors said. “You will not be able to care for your farm and your crops will rot. What a curse!” The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. Who knows what is good or bad?”

After a few days, the horse returned … and brought several other wild horses with it into the corral. “You are so blessed! You now have a whole herd!” the man’s neighbors said. He replied “Say only that the horse has returned and brought other horses with him. Who knows what is good or bad?”

The man’s eldest son went out to break the horses and was thrown and broke his leg, right at harvest time. The neighbors came and said, "Your son that you count on is injured. You are so unfortunate!." He only replied, "Say only that my son broke his leg. That is all we know. Who knows what is good or bad?”

A week later, a general of the army came to the village and drafted all the young men of the village to go off and fight a dangerous war, sparing the old farmer’s son because of his broken leg. The villagers came to the old man crying because their sons had been taken. “You are so fortunate your son’s leg was broken! Our sons may never return.” The old man replied “Do not judge or say what is a blessing or a curse. Say only that your sons had to go to war and mine did not. The rest is not known.”

~ ~ ~

A wretched curse and a blessing are only distinguished by one’s perception. It’s not easy to alter one’s perception, but with practice, we can unlearn our tendencies to judge and be more like the little children we once were. We can accept that a broken ankle is just a broken ankle. We can accept that what is, sometimes just is.

a little alone time …

Settle yourself in solitude, and you will come upon God in yourself. ~ St. Teresa of Avila

Solitude – we live in such a hustle-bustle world that solitude and quiet can seem hard to come by. It can be challenging to find true silence.  Everywhere there is noise assailing us: on video screens in the grocery store’s check-out line; from people’s cellphone conversations; traffic noise; children playing; radios and TV blaring. Many of us have difficulty finding a place of solitude when there are children to care for, jobs to do, errands to run. I know of folks who always have the TV or radio on to have “background noise.” Many people feel uncomfortable and squirmy in silence.

Silence provides peace and calm to the spirit. It can have a physical effect, lowering blood pressure, tension and anxiety. (Listen to loud, raucous music for a few minutes, then turn it off. You can almost feel your body say “aaaaahhh …”) Silence allows us to go within to hear the voice of the Divine. The voice of the Divine doesn’t yell and jump up and down to get our attention. It doesn’t shout; it whispers … gently, in our hearts. Yes, it’s also present in each moment of our day-to-day lives, but when we want to really touch and engage with our Divine consciousness, it can be best to find a quiet place of solitude, free from any distractions.

To find her quiet place, a friend spent time sitting under a Banyan tree each day to reflect and to write. A friend in Hawaii swam with the turtles. My mother used to sit in her big upholstered rocking chair, rosary beads in her hands, her children playing around her, eyes closed, lost in the ecstasy of prayer. Jesus often went off by himself to pray, out in the wilderness, up on a mountain, to a “lonely place.” When my ex-husband left us, I went to the beach nearly every day, just sitting and watching the waves come in and go out, gaining peace from just being in a quiet place and feeling the presence of the Divine with me, making me feel safe and Loved.

The act of solitude—of removing oneself from the distractions and chaos—gives us a quiet place to Be, to listen, to hear the voice of the Divine whispering in our hearts. It might be out on a hike, pausing to quietly gaze at the natural creation around us. Or on the ocean on a surfboard, bobbing up and down in rhythm with the waves. On a beach, in a garden, in a park, in a quiet place at home.

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence. ~ Mother Teresa

Each morning, I spend those first quiet minutes in bed feeling the energy of Love in my life. I awaken happy and joy-filled, connecting with the Divine consciousness present in all of life—in the trees outside my window, in the chattering of the squirrels, in the light of the day. Afterward, I sit quietly on the floor, breathing full, deep, lung-filled breaths at first, then just sitting. Nothing to do, nothing to undo. Just sit and Be. In those quiet moments I can best hear the Divine whispering in my heart, starting my day.

How do you find peace and solitude in your life?