Of Advent, anticipation and acceptance

Advent is a time of joyful anticipation, a space to slow down, prepare, go within and examine our hearts and souls, finding a home in our hearts for the spirit of the season; for many of us, for the love of a Savior, a new King. In the midst of holiday hustle and bustle, shopping, decorating, baking, parties, it can be hard to consider Advent being a slowing down time. I used to get caught up in all the chaos until I started focusing on the Advent aspect of this time of year. Eventually, I learned to plan and organize so that I can slow down during Advent. My trick? I take the week off after Thanksgiving, do my shopping (mostly online), write out my cards, do my holiday decorating and spend time preparing my inner life while the outer life around me buzzes with Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays, extended shopping hours, sweater sales and people frantically trying to find the perfect toy. That week allows me to get things done and frees up my time for the rest of the season so I can be more thoughtful, less hurried, more prepared. I remove myself from all the holiday chaos, intentionally, purposefully, planfully.

And that was the plan this year. I took the week off – and promptly became very ill the day after Thanksgiving. I was sick with fever, sweat, chills, nausea – oh, so sick! I lost 14.5 lbs in 4 days. I did manage to get the online shopping done toward the and of the week, but the cards didn’t get mailed, the decorating didn’t get done and three weeks later, I’m still recovering, with a lingering cough and an uncertain tummy.

Life happens and we have to adapt and adjust our plans accordingly, trusting that everything will turn out the way that it’s supposed to. I think of a young girl betrothed to be married, making her plans to become a wife. But all the plans change when her entire world is tossed upside down by the appearance of an angel with a remarkable, fantastical story. I think of a carpenter, betrothed to a girl who we understand to be faith-filled, good and virtuous. Then plans change when he is told that this good girl is pregnant—and not by him, which, according to the laws of the day, could result in her being stoned as punishment. Instead of having her stoned for her betrayal, he decides to quietly divorce her. But plans change again (another angel!) and he takes her as his wife. The lives that they had planned together took a wild, unexpected, unplanned detour. Yet with deep faith they trusted that everything would turn out the way it was supposed to turn out in some unknown way.

Faith is not rigid, unyielding. Faith requires flexibility, an adaptive spirit, the ability to go with the flow. Faith requires accepting the possibility of change, that things may not go the way we’d planned. We can’t stay attached to the plans when circumstances change; rigid attachment creates misery and unhappiness. We have to release our expectations and be flexible to whatever comes up.

Although I didn’t accomplish all I wanted to during my vacation week, I did slow down during Advent nonetheless, editing my plans to suit my changed circumstances, giving up a little in order to gain the peace and calm that nourishes me at Advent. Trusting with deep faith that everything would turn out the way it is supposed to turn out.

 
I wish you and yours the deep, abiding peace, love and happy joy of the season!

Love,

Rose

Rainbows and angels

I start to awaken and, as is my practice, with my eyes still closed, I give thanks for the comfort of my bed, for the shelter of my home, for the dreams I had during the night, for my sheets, blankets, pillows, for a restful night’s sleep. I open my eyes and, as I do every morning, I look toward the window where my liquid amber guardian tree stands directly outside my window with all the other trees beyond. The leaves are changing now, losing their green and turning into big leaves of golden yellow. Something on the ceiling catches my eye … and I smile. Rainbows! There are rainbows scattered everywhere in my room: splashed across the ceiling in tightly colored, long, narrow bars; brilliant red, bright orange, vivid yellow, soothing green, deep blue. More are splotched on the closet curtains, but these are refracted from the mirror and are bigger and looser, gentler-colored. I lift and drop the blankets to make a slight breeze and the rainbows start dancing all around, rainbows on walls, furniture, ceiling; so magical!

I hang crystals in the windows of my living room and bedroom. Pollyanna was one of my favorite movies growing up and inspired me to hang the prisms years ago. During the spring and summer months, they’re just a bit of sparkle. But when the sun starts to hang lower toward the south in the fall and winter, its rays can enter the windows directly and hit the the prisms, which explode into brightly colored rainbows in my rooms.

This afternoon, vibrantly colored rainbows were streaked across the living room walls, floor and furniture. When my granddaughters were little, I’d tell them that the rainbows were angels come to play and to bring us love, blessings and happiness. My little grand-girls would dance and laugh in the rainbows or they’d chase and try to catch them if the prisms were moving from the breeze made by their play. Even now, when they see the rainbows in my home, they remember the angels. I do, too.

Lying in bed the other morning, with the colors all around me, I raised my legs overhead to practice the physical therapy exercises I do for my healing ankle (fractured several months ago). I see a rainbow on my ankle as I go through the exercises and I feel that angels are blessing the work, blessing the healing. Silly for a grown woman (a grandmother) to think such things, but I believe in magical things, in angels and blessings and healing powers. As a young woman, I wouldn’t dare share such nonsense with others; what would people think? Thankfully, I’m at an age where I can be a silly old grandmother less concerned about others’ judgments … and I can believe in angels in the rainbows.

Have a sparkly day!

Gratitude – come see my guest post on Shine the Divine

My lovely friend Laura asked me and several other bloggers to guest on her blog throughout the month of November, sharing our thoughts on gratitude. Laura has an amazing strength and resilience that always inspires me. A talented artist, photographer, writer, wife, mother, counselor; loving, kind, courageous and wise.

After you read my post (and Cathy’s too!), please explore her site and her story; be sure to check out the Thanksgiving post and the glorious, colorful Gratitude quilt, a gathering of over 100 writers. 

http://orli-shines.blogspot.com/2010/11/gratitude-month-continues-with-guest.html

releasing expectations

 

I’m re-reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Good stuff to mull over, absorb and see what comes up, finding what rings true for you. As I tell others “Keep what speaks to you and discard the rest.”

The 2nd Agreement:

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Different things recently have reminded me about this Agreement and how we get attached to preconceived outcomes. Earlier this week, I thought someone was unappreciative of the extra effort I put in, then I remembered the Agreement and realized that each of us held different expectations of the outcome we desired. I was expecting kudos and attaboys, but the other person was focused on a different outcome. “Nothing others do is because of you.”

Another example of a preconceived outcome: A friend has been estranged from his son for a few years. Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, the estranged son texted my friend. Something light like “Hey, how’s it going?” Instead of being joyous that his son had texted him after all this time (wouldn’t that be hard for the son to do?), my friend was upset because the text wasn’t worded the way friend wished it had been. “Shouldn’t he have said ‘Hey, Dad’?” “Don’t you think he should’ve said he’s sorry?” “I’d think he’d say something like …”

I couldn’t believe all the shoulds—the expectations—my friend had as to how his son should have composed the text message. Looking at my friend, I said the point was that his son had reached out and contacted him. The words could have been “eeny meeny miney moe”; they don’t matter. What mattered was that his son broke through and connected. Isn’t that ultimately what they wanted, to resolve the rift? I imagine my friend had been playing an entirely different picture in his mind for how they’d reconnect and this didn’t fit his mental movie. He had a preconceived scenario and couldn’t switch from his expected outcome and accept the different outcome (a great outcome!) that actually resulted. He held on to what he imagined instead of embracing what is, creating “needless suffering.”

I believe it's best not to be attached to a preconceived outcome; the outcome we desire rarely manifests exactly the way we envision.  To have a preconceived outcome in mind is to invite certain disappointment. That’s not to say we shouldn’t imagine how we’d like things to be (I enjoy fantasizing about a lush garden and a cute puppy), but we shouldn’t become attached to them. Hold loosely to that which is not sacred. Hold loosely to expectations.

Many families hold expectations during the holidays. If we go into these gatherings with a Norman Rockwell picture fixed firmly in our imagination—expecting certain characters to be other than what they’ve always been through the years—we’re going to be disappointed. Family gatherings can be big, noisy, messy things. Sometimes words are misunderstood or misinterpreted. Sometimes feelings get hurt entirely unintentionally. (I tend to trust in the Good Intentions of others.)

Better to release our attachments to those expected outcomes and be flexible to whatever comes up. Let it go. Let it flow. Ride the wave. Don’t take anything personally. Instead of thinking “that’s a rude comment” just think “that’s a comment.” Don’t interpret and judge; people usually don’t mean to hurt others. We begin to misunderstand each other when we judge things in terms of “should” and “good/bad.” Be accepting and flow like water.

Letting go of preconceived outcomes allows us to open our hearts to a different, easier path, one where there is less needless suffering. Let it go and enjoy what happens. Just don’t take anything personally.

Namaste

On my nightstand …

Do you enjoy reading? Growing up, my parents, brothers and I were voracious readers, heading to the library each Saturday, returning home with the maximum number of books we were allowed to check out and repeating the cycle again the following Saturday. We’d sometimes negotiate with one another at the library: “You check out those and I’ll check out these and then we’ll switch.” We read a wide variety of topics in books, magazines (from Readers Digest to MAD Magazine), comic books; consumed the Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz series, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew; classics like Call of the Wild, Little Women, Walden; history, wars, political intrigue, mysteries, Egyptology, dance, music – we’d read under the covers after Mom told us to turn out the light. (I think of a lot of us did that! ha!)

I go through spurts of interests in my reading. At one point, I was primarily reading business books along the lines of In Search of Excellence; at another stage, I read classics that I’d missed (Grapes of Wrath); and at another, I indulged in Latino authors and stories.

Lately, my reading has mostly been regarding spirituality and our yearning to connect with the Divine. There is such a wealth of reading available and many of my like-minded friends have wonderful recommendations that I keep adding to my list.

Right now on my nightstand are four wonderful books that I’ve recently completed reading.

- The Yoga of Jesus draws beautiful, rich parallels between the teachings of Jesus Christ and those of the ancient yogis. Examining Christian teachings through a yogic viewpoint provided greater clarity and a deeper understanding; I read this slowly, pondering and absorbing, going back to re-read sections. A beautiful, enriching experience.

- In Your Truest Self, Jan Lundy interviews 12 inspiring spiritual women and identifies 12 spiritual principles to help us strip away the false ego and identities we’ve manufactured and to reach inside to the truest and most authentic version of who we are. There are thoughts to ponder, reflections and exercises to aid our journeys. I love the stories of the 12 women and was inspired by the way their personal belief systems helped them through very challenging situations.

- Happy Yoga – possibly my favorite book ever! This is the third time I’ve read this book, it’s that amazing. It’s not about physical yoga, so much; it’s about how to be happy! I think that just about every word in this book resonates with me. The first time I read it, some of the ideas and principles were very new to me but felt so right, like a personal discovery that I’d known all along but that had been hidden from me until I read this book. Reading Happy Yoga always gives me profound joy!

- Anam Cara is by Celtic poet John O’Donohue and if you’ve ever listened to his audiotapes, you’ll find yourself hearing his smoothly lilting Celtic voice in the prose. The language is utterly beautiful, each word like consuming the finest meal and drink. O’Donohue’s love for Celtic mystical thought shines forth and he brings you into a world of deeply ancient truths, of harmony with all that is Divine.

And now I’m re-reading The Four Agreements, a book of simple, practical guidance that challenges me to be more mindful and operate from a different state of heart.

What’s on your nightstand? Any recommendations you’d like to offer? Which reminds me: I need to renew my library card!

Mindful breathing

A little “Rose woo-woo” for a peaceful Sunday - lol!

I came upon this brief 5-step mindful breathing practice by Thich Nhat Hahn and wanted to share with you. I practice pranayama (mindful breathing) every morning through a series of three different practices: three-part ujjayi breathing, kapalabhati, and nadi shodana.

It's always fun and creatively satisfying, though, to come across other ways to practice.  And anything from Thich Nhat Hahn always seems to be just right for the moment.

"Breathing in, I dwell deeply in the present moment. Breathing out, I know this is a wonderful moment.”

If you'd like, try it and see if it brings peace and joy to you in this wonderful moment. Namaste

http://www.cyber-key.com/mj/meditation_TNH.html

kindness and compassion

So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies
And downwards to the depths ~ from the Metta Sutta

Kindness and compassion – they add such beauty to our living experiences. My parents always taught us to think of others, to extend ourselves to others, to look to ease others’ discomforts and to assist them in their needs. We always volunteered. It just comes naturally because it’s how I was raised. I don’t even think about it. I’m thankful for their gift and teaching.

My granddaughters laugh because I talk to everyone; I compliment the sales clerk on her earrings … and she shares a story of how they were passed down in her family. I talk to a couple enjoying lunch at Disneyland … and they tell me about their engagement. I talk to strangers every chance I get. People are just so wonderful when we see them through the eyes of kindness.

I smile when I drive: at other drivers, at pedestrians, at cyclists. It’s so beautiful when I get a big smile back!

My parents encouraged us to always think of how our actions affect the next person. When I drive, I try to anticipate if another driver will need to merge into my lane … and I slow down to allow them the room to change safely. In my yoga class, I always take a few minutes at the end of class to sort and arrange the yoga blocks so they’re nicely set up for use by the yogis in the next class.

We are all part of a Divine Consciousness, one Body, one Love Energy permeating through the separateness that we encounter in our physical selves. Goodness toward one is goodness toward all. Let us be good to one another. Let us be good to our selves.

May you give and receive kindness, compassion and goodness. Namaste