Time to be together …

The last couple of months have been very busy, some event or gathering every weekend, getting together with family and friends, multiple events on the same day – just an unusual flurry of activity. (Boy, my home really needs a good cleaning – lol!)

A dear friend married her love at a beautiful garden ceremony at a luxurious hotel in Los Angeles. The garden was beautifully set in a Chinese theme with pink and white paper lanterns overhead; the food was delicious. Most of all, I was thrilled to see my friend looking so radiantly happy with her new husband! I caught up with an old friend there, as we all—friends and (very large) family—celebrated the happy couple.

Another friend’s daughter celebrated her First Communion, a beautiful milestone in her religious education; everyone—adults and children—got together in the family’s home afterward to celebrate with a big spread. I had a great time!  Recently, I was also lucky enough to attend the dance recital of another friend’s daughter; I loved it. She danced beautifully, was very comfortable on stage performing, and I really enjoyed all the other dance numbers, too. The littlest ones are always so cute!

We spent a weekend in Three Rivers, California (near Sequoia National Park) to share in my sister-in-law’s (my ex-husband’s sister) 25th wedding anniversary. They renewed their vows on a wooden bridge over the Kaweah River.  The husband (they’re both in theater) sang to his wife during the ceremony; oh, it made me cry, hearing the love in his song! A reception followed, with slideshow, music, flowers, food. The family all stayed to clean up, washing pans and utensils in the big church kitchen, packing the extra food, everyone horsing around and laughing. We all went back to my sister-in-law’s home, which sits with the river at their back door, talking and laughing late into the night. The next day, my daughter, son-in-law and two granddaughters and I went to Sequoia National Park to visit the giant redwoods. Were we surprised when we got up there and it was snowing! Fun trip!

A friend drove out from Arizona with her daughter and mother for a short visit, so myself and 4 other friends drove out to Playa del Rey to have dinner with them. Non-stop gabbing – lol! We had a great time!

Several of my old high school chums have met again on Facebook, friends I haven’t seen since high school back in … some time ago. One friend came out from North Carolina to visit so we planned a beach party mini-reunion so we could all get together in person. Omigosh! It was like we were all teens still in high school, teasing, telling stories, laughing till my stomach hurt! I had a perma-smile on my face from all the happiness; at one point I looked at my old friends, gathered talking and I looked at the sky, the beach … felt the warm sun and the breeze … and my heart filled with utter joy and contentment.

Today, my cousin David was buried. David, bigger than life, a man who lived every minute of his life with absolute gusto and enthusiasm. To him, a big family gathering was the norm, whether it be at the house or on a camping trip or a vacation or just being with family. When David was at the party, you knew you were going to be laughing. My dad would say he was “full of the devil.” What a great storyteller he was, too, adding just a little embellishment to make the story even better. He reminded me of Dean Martin when he smiled, his eyes disappearing into starry twinkles at the corners, his dimples dotting his happy smile. He adored his beautiful wife, Linda; it was written all over his face when he looked at her. David was so full of life, that I think it makes his absence from this world even more apparent. He was a semi-truck driver and he was killed last Thursday in a tragic multi-vehicle accident. His sudden and unexpected loss has stunned the family.

We all got together on Saturday, seeing family that I hadn’t seen in years, meeting family that I hadn’t yet met, being with other family that I see more often, too. It’s always good to gather together with family, even under these circumstances. Normally, everyone has their lives, their day-to-day family and friends, but everything stops when something like this happens. We cancel our plans, we make calls, we get together and cry and hold one another, and we also share stories and laugh, because that’s what families do. The rosary and vigil was last night and it was wonderful to hear the tributes, everyone nodding in recognition as people remembered my cousin, his generosity, wonderful spirit and great stories.

This is all part of the journey, being with people, sharing happy times, comforting one another in loss. I’m sometimes tempted not to accept invitations to events or gatherings, to put off getting together for another time, being too busy, having too much to do to make time for others. I’m quite content with my own company, but I also love to be with those I care about. I have to remember that we’re all temporary. I have to say Yes more often, Yes to those good times, Yes to laughter and stories … and I’ll take time to experience and enjoy that wonderful sense of deep peace and contentment that comes from being with good people, people I love. I am so grateful for their footprints on my own life journey.

namaste

Happy children make for happy moms

                 

              

The saying goes “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” As a mom (and Nana), what makes me happy is knowing that my daughter is happy and that my granddaughters are happy. The greatest delights of my life as a mom are seeing and sharing in those moments of pure joy for my daughter. I’d get goose-bumpy with all-over happiness listening to her tinkly peals of laughter while playing with her baby toes. I’d grin from my face to my heart seing her happy surprise the first time she rode a bike, or rode a wave. And through tears, I’ve soared with abundant gratitude witnessing her happy glow as she walked down the aisle to marry the man she loved, or sharing in her experience of becoming a new mom.

Moms aren’t happy when their children aren’t happy. We worry, we become the protective mama bear, we want to fix it and make it better. If mama’s babies ain’t happy, mama ain’t happy. (And they’re always our babies, no matter how grown-up they get.)

Happy children make for happy moms, and I feel so richly blessed that my daughter is happy, with a good life, good husband and wonderful daughters, who are such happy, sparkling little girls. She’s a wonderful young woman. I am a very happy mom. Thank you, God. And thank you again, God. I am so so very grateful. And happy. Did I mention that I’m a very happy mom?

Wishing all moms (and those who mother) the rich blessings of happiness with your own children.

And now, a very funny video moms can really appreciate:

choosing happy …

It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to sit and write. Apologies. I miss it when I don’t write. All these thoughts, discoveries, questions, ponderings buzzing around inside my head always want to get out and usually end up on notes here and there until I can find time. I have endless notes in random places, so have plenty of material from all my navel-gazing, but the time to write seems to elude me. Glad to be here for a quick post. Hope to get back to reading my favorite blogs more regularly, too.

Once again, life is changing … in a really good way! Background: I was unemployed for nine months last year after being laid off. A wonderful period of rejuvenation, wonder, happiness and walks. Then I started a new job in December. Within the first week, I knew it wasn’t the right fit, either professionally or personally. Professionally, because I was hired as an Interactive Project Manager, and the company did not have an interactive group, nor did they practice project management. Personally, because it was a very toxic environment for anyone with any kind of sensitivity, which would mean most people. A lot of agitation, aggressiveness, finger-pointing, accusation … a negative and hostile work situation. It physically hurt to work there.

I applied and interviewed for several months while continuing to work at the company. Then a few weeks ago, someone from my previous company (the one that had laid me off last year), contacted me regarding an opportunity there. It would be in a different department and the pay would be less than I’d made there previously (but more than I was currently making). Basically, both the title and the pay would be lower than before.

I gave it a lot of thought. My job search the past few months was entirely targeted toward interactive project management, but this opportunity was in quality assurance, and I would not hold a manager title, for the first time in many, many years. In three other companies, I’d been a QA Manager, establishing the discipline for each company and growing the department, before I became an interactive project manager.

Did I want to move from a manager role to an analyst role? Did I want to abandon my search for an interactive project manager role? Did I want to return to my former company in a different capacity, with different responsibilities?

When I asked my daughter for her thoughts, she simply asked: “Mom, what would make you happy?”

What would make me happy? Doing work that I do well, working with people I enjoy, being successful in my efforts, being in a good, supportive company, going home at the end of the day feeling happy and satisfied. Those are the types of things that make me happy. Feeling that I’ve contributed and done the best job I can do. Feeling that I'm in a place where I can thrive, professionally and personally. Pay, title—those aren’t things that drive me to excel and achieve. Nice to have, but not important to the health and wholeness of my spirit. In fact, when I really thought about it, pay and title are more about my ego than they are about happiness. And I’ve been really working the past few years on learning to release ego. Maybe that’s why this opportunity was presented to me at this time, to help me in my journey, to help me be less prideful and less egotistical? Maybe the lesson here is to learn what choices will simply make me happy?

“Mom, what would make you happy?” I stopped thinking (ego) and started feeling (spirit). When I thought about going back to my previous company, I felt physically light and happy; right with the world. There was a lift to my spirit and a smile in my heart. What more did I need? Every experience has value and helps us along our journey here and there was a reason that I had to spend time at the “toxic” company. I’m exceedingly happy to report that I’m starting my new job at my old company in a different role tomorrow morning. I chose happy!

easter 2010

Alleluia! He is risen!

Wishing you a most blessed Easter! May this be a day of reflection on what the Easter message means in each of our lives.

May you honor the sacred in each moment of your day,
in each breath that you take,
in every beautiful moment you experience.

The Lord is with us. The Divine is with us. The Sacred is with us. Peace be with you.

I invite you to read my post from Easter 2008:

http://roseeliff.blogspot.com/search?q=easter

choosing …

“Thanks; I don’t drink. But I’ve brought my own tea.” (Big smile)

I’ve come to realize that making that statement of personal choice makes me feel strong and empowered. Any time that I make a statement or a choice that I feel is truly right for me at that moment—even if it’s contrary to what others may be doing—I feel that I’m standing within my more genuine self.

When I was younger, it was important to fit in with the “tribe” and be accepted. It’s probably a primal thing; at one time, being in a tribe provided safety, companionship, sharing, common bonds. One would assimilate into the operative norms of the tribe; to be cast out from it could mean danger, deprivation, loneliness, perhaps death.

So, like most of us, I adopted many of the behaviors of those around me. I adopted a sort of pseudo-self, one who went along with what most of my friends at the time did. I had 70s hair – like my friends. I got married shortly after high school – like my friends. In my 30s, I used to drink wine on occasion – like my friends.

Even decor-wise, I went along with the crowd for awhile. When I bought my home, the French Country look was big and really appealed to me, and so I painted the walls to look aged, used FC colors and patterns, bought FC accessories. It was all quite lovely; I enjoyed it, friends enjoyed it. It was pretty, comfortable, cozy.

After awhile, though, I realized that it wasn’t really me … and I painted the walls aqua, painted the trim crisp white, and added accents in chocolate and fresh green. I simplified accessories, made everything less busy and fussy, pared it all down. And I absolutely, totally love it. Simpler is better suited to my genuine self at this time.

As the years pass, I find myself releasing that pseudo-self more and asking my genuine self what it is that *I* like, what is it that *I* enjoy personally.

It’s pretty similar to when I was first divorced. I was so used to buying products and foods that we both agreed on as a couple (compromise is part of being a couple), that I had to consciously learn to buy products that I personally preferred because I didn’t have to share them with anyone else but my daughter.

I don’t abstain from alcohol for any moral or judgmental reason, for example. I have no problem with others drinking responsibly. Quite simply, I’ve just never really liked the way it affects me. I used to drink on occasion, but was never into it; I didn’t feel like me. My genuine self eventually realized that I just drank to be socially accepted in the crowd. My daughter used to laugh at me, though, because I’d nurse the same beer for an entire party – never fooled her!

I try to make more conscious decisions about my choices these days. What do *I* like? For beverages, I like tea. Preferably Yogi Tea Egyptian Licorice tea. Oh, sooooo good! If not that, then Good Earth Sweet & Spicy Tea. I’ve never tried chai tea, which seems to be quite popular. Being popular isn’t a reason for me to try things any longer, though. I love that my good friends all respect my choice to not drink alcohol. At a gathering recently, someone asked if I wanted a beer and my good buddy Chris told them, no, Rose drinks tea. Made me smile.

I find that I don’t follow the crowd like I used to, but try to find my own way more these days. I try to tap into my genuine self and define what is suitable for me. Hmmm … a nice cup of tea sounds so good right now …

Namaste

on acceptance …

“Receive what you are given.”

One of my yoga teachers, Peter, always had a way of saying things that resonated strongly with me. This was one of them, the idea of acceptance, of receiving both the good and the bad. I’ve meditated on this concept many, many times, unearthing its layers and meanings for my life. I use it several times a week to help guide me and my spirit with grace.

At my granddaughter’s softball game on Saturday, one of the parents complained to the coach that they’d only had one week to sell their fundraising items. The coach, of course, could do nothing about this, which the woman even acknowledged, but she went ahead and complained anyway. I thought it was pointless and felt that they were given a week; do the best that you can with it. And then contact the board and see how you can help next year to provide more time for fundraising. Complaining doesn’t change anything. The coach (who agreed with her) asked if anyone had had a chance to sell anything. My daughter said yes, she had. How much? he asked. “$180. And M (another mother) also sold $180.” Such a contrast: two mothers who received what they were given and moved with it in grace, doing what they could. Another mother who got aggravated and became immobilized in her aggravation as a result.

I’ve always said that if you become stuck in traffic, you have two choices: You can either get angry, honk your horn and yell at other drivers … or you can turn on the radio and sing. (Guess which one I am – lol!)

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment for my 2002 Civic’s 110,000 mile service. It has 132,000 miles but I couldn’t get the service (over $1000; timing belt and other major service) done previously when I was unemployed so I was happy I was finally going to get it done. As I headed out to my appointment, I immediately knew something was wrong: I had a flat. I drove the few houses back home and called the auto club. Problem :: solution. No getting angry or upset. Identify the problem; determine the solution. Receive what you are given. Deal with it. Get it handled. (I was immensely grateful that I didn’t get the flat when I was driving the 50 miles to my daughter’s home on a busy freeway. A grace.) A nice young man came out, replaced the flat with the temporary spare, I gave him a tip and went to the dealership.

At the dealership, we examined the tires and determined that I really needed to get all four tires replaced, but I could get by with doing two now and doing the other two at my next service. I also had a headlight that had been out for a month and needed to be replaced. Since it would be a few hours, I took the shuttle home. A couple of hours later, I got a call: the front brake rotors were below minimum and should be replaced. I could just replace the pads for now, though, and do the rotors at my next service. (Let me say here that I absolutely trust my service tech. He’s a great guy, I’ve known him for eight years and I trust him.) One of the suspension bushings was also broken and needed to be replaced. I knew the car had been riding really roughly and had meant to mention this when I brought the car in; now I knew why.

Even with a 5% discount on parts and service, the final total was $1800. I had all new belts, two new tires, new timing belt and tensioner, all new fluids, tire alignment, new headlight, new suspension bushing, new front brake pads … a complete service, head to toe, plus a very nice car wash to boot. It was more money than I’d planned for, but it is what it is. I haven’t had a car payment for six years and I plan on hanging on to my Civic while I save for a new one, so I need to have it well-maintained and safe to drive. I could complain and be upset at the expense, but it doesn’t change anything. I feel that I’m fortunate the tire went flat when it did, I’m fortunate the brakes are better, I’m fortunate the suspension is much better. Receive what you are given. I’ve been given an $1800 bill but I’ve also been given a safe, well-running car. Money well spent.

Namaste

PS. Thank you to those of you who dropped me notes to check that I was OK since I hadn't posted in a couple of weeks. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness! The new job is an 11-hour day with commute, so it doesn't leave me the time I'd like for reading my favorite blogs and for writing. Hoping that something shifts so I can have a bit more time. Thanks!

To those touched by sorrow …

Being the Pollyanna that I am (“let’s play the Glad Game!”), I simply don’t understand the depth of despair and darkness that one must be in to take one’s own life. What a horrible place to be in! Without hope that things will ever get better, in such mortal pain that even knowing that others will be enormously hurt by the act of suicide doesn’t dissuade the person from ending his or her life.

What makes the people of Haiti—many pulled from the rubble, many with amputated limbs, many with no homes or businesses to go to—what makes the Haitians able to continue to struggle on, even to sing as it’s been reported? What makes the Amish families who lost their daughters in a heartless massacre capable of not only coping, but to find forgiveness in their hearts and move on through the pain? What makes any of us reach the depths of despair … yet still trust that things will change, that we won’t always be in this dark place, that even in the worst of circumstances, there is still hope?

And yet others who appear to be in less dire circumstances (emphasizing appear) are incapable of coping and making it through to the next minute. What makes one person resilient and another person fall apart? If we only knew.

I can only sense that it must be beyond any pain that I can possibly imagine, a place where a person feels they have no other option left. My prayers go out to the Osmond and Koenig families as their hearts cry in sorrow for their losses. May grace and peace touch their hearts during this time.