An Inspirational Hero: Trevor Roach

My daughter, son-in-law and two granddaughters have a large and very close circle of friends. This group of families gathers together frequently: camping, celebrating birthdays, supporting and sharing life with one another; the kids have pretty much all grown up together as one large, extended family.

Trevor Roach is the 12-year-old son of one of these friends, a boy with the biggest smile you can imagine (well, you don’t have to imagine because you can see it above) and a heart to go with it. Skateboarding, riding dirt bikes, playing Legos – a kid filled with excitement and joy; all boy.

Trev was initially diagnosed with cancer (leukemia) on 12/29/10 when he was just 9 years old. He fought the cancer with courage and chemo, went into remission after 1 - 2 rounds and continued his treatment session. He was doing so well that he had the line removed in September 2011. Before Christmas 2011, his mom Belinda saw the signs that the cancer was back, but the blood tests said otherwise. On 1/11/12, his blood tests finally caught up with the signs his mom was seeing (a mother knows her child) and his cancer was back in full force. He was once again admitted to the hospital and the line was put back in.

Chemo was started immediately. His doctors suggested that a bone marrow transplant was his best hope for beating cancer for good. On 2/28/12, a donor was found who was an 8 out of 10 on the matching scale. On 4/27/12, Trev had his bone marrow transplant and was “re-born.”
 
Although his health improved after his transplant, his donor cells never fully took over his body. At the end of August, just 125 days after the transplant, Trevor’s cancer was back with a vengeance. This brave, young boy fought the cancer this 3rd round with every chemo drug known, even ones that haven’t been used in years; his doctors had to get FDA approvals to use some of the medications. Nothing worked to keep the cancer at bay. It aggressively took over his body.

He was able to go on a big family-and-friends camping trip for New Years 2013 and rode a quad with boyish joy from sunrise to sunset for three days straight. Then it was back to the hospital for platelets and more tests. Friday 1/4/13: young Trev was readmitted into the hospital—his body 93% cancer-ridden—and it was estimated he had a few weeks left. Another round of treatment helped to prolong his life for a few additional weeks. He was able to go home to spend good times with his loving family (mom, dad, older brother and younger sister). Trevor was readmitted on April 6 for the last time. The cancer spread to his spleen, then to his liver and on April 18, shortly after midnight, Trevor beat the cancer by leaving it behind in his body. It may have conquered his body, but it could never, ever conquer his courageous spirit.  

Trevor Roach had the hugest amount of fight in him and was always smiling, even on his bad days with fevers and sickness. He had the best time he could have on his good days, loving dirt bike riding, trains, remote control cars, boats and trucks and especially Legos. He was the Lego master!

Countless people were touched by his story and fighting spirit. He was visited in the hospital by sports celebrities and others, including Brian Deegan, Kyle Loza, LA Sheriff’s SWAT, Wheelz, a few members of the Ducks and many others.

In his last few weeks at CHOC, there were over 30 people a day from his extended circle of friends visiting Trevor, giving him their love and support. He loved it! He was surrounded by hundreds of family friends, teachers, nurses, children, sports figures and all who grew to love him and his strong spirit.

At the celebration of his life on April 28, the mortuary was packed to overflowing with hundreds of people whose lives were touched by this hero-child; the chapel was filled, the courtyard, the foyer and overflowing outside. The mother of a little girl who also had cancer and shared a hospital room with Trevor told of how this rough-and-tumble little boy would get on the hospital room floor with her daughter to play tea party; so kind-hearted and generous.

My daughter and her family weren’t here for Mother's Day today ... and for very good reason. In young Trev's last days, he asked his mom if they could go to Big Bear Lake one last time. As sick as he was, she had to tell him no, but “we’ll meet you there afterward” at the first opportunity. So, Trevor's family, my daughter's family and other close friends went camping in Big Bear this weekend to meet Trevor and celebrate him in the beautiful mountains he wanted to visit again.

 

Writing Matters – Business

In my first professional copywriter job, I wrote primarily product marketing copy for a direct mail marketing company. In the 30-odd years since then, I’ve had the opportunity to write nearly anything that has words: ads, brochures, marketing collateral, packaging, technical documentation, RFPs, press releases, web copy, business documentation and more. I’ve performed freelance copywriting/editing for over 30 years. In my current full-time position, much of my time is spent copyediting work submitted by company employees for internal or external publication.

Even if you’re not a professional copywriter/editor, it’s likely you’ll have to communicate something in writing, either to a co-worker, supervisor, customer or vendor at some point during your workday. Some people write easily; others have told me that they find the task torturous. Easy or not, writing matters. Customers’ perceptions about a company are affected by a company’s written communications, such as letters, emails, websites, etc. Incorrect orthography (grammar, spelling and punctuation) creates a perception that the company itself lacks polish and professionalism. And customers detest overly hyped, promotional boasts; “marketese” creates doubts about credibility.

Here are some tips to help make your business writing more readable and improve credibility:

• Get to the point. Start with the most important content first. Don’t make the reader search for the point.
• Be concise. Avoid filler words; make sure each word matters.
• Use natural language to ensure clarity and understanding.
• Use a strong, active voice; avoid a passive voice. (“Jim mailed the contract” vs. “The contract was mailed by Jim.”)
• Be objective. Avoid loaded, emotional words or opinions that reflect a narrow viewpoint.
• Check the orthography:
  • Spelling – Don’t rely solely on spellcheck. Proofread once or twice.
  • Grammar – Know the rules of that/which, there/they’re/their, its/it’s, your/you’re. (Contractions should be the easiest.) Also, “through to” is impossible; it’s either “through June 5” (to the end of June 5) or “to June 5” (to the end of June 4).
  • Punctuation –
    • Use commas correctly
    • Use apostrophes for possessives, but not plurals
    • Place periods within quotation marks, not outside
    • Use hyphens for compound modifiers. (“Man eating lion” and “man-eating lion” have different meanings. In the first one, “eating'” is  a verb; in the second, “man-eating” is a compound adjective to describe a lion.)
    • Use only one space after a period at the end of a sentence, never two. (Typewriters used monospaced fonts; today’s computers use proportional fonts, so only one space is needed because the program makes the adjustment automatically. Save yourself the extra work.)
  • Avoid random capitalization; only capitalize proper nouns. (A surprisingly common mistake.)
  • Have someone else review important documents; even professional writers use editors.
• Avoid square blocks of text; they’re hard to read. Use white space, bulleted lists and bolded headings that include keywords of the content.
• Don’t center or justify text. Eye-tracking studies show left alignment with a ragged right edge is easier on the eyes.

Conciseness, accuracy, a natural tone and easy-on-the-eyes layout help reduce the reader’s cognitive load, make information easier to process and improves customers’ perceptions about a company’s credibility and attention to quality. Just keep it simple and easy to read.

Joyous Spring! Flowers and Balboa Island

Happy spring! How I love it! You can almost feel the energy of new life vibrating and expanding, plants starting to burst with new life and birds happily singing and enjoying the skies. My orchids have been blooming like crazy, freesias bloomed weeks ago and are almost done, a random sweet pea popped up, geraniums are blooming (I love their beautiful red!) and the roses are leafing out and have buds. The time change always triggers a burst of excitement and energy for me as the days (finally) don’t get dark at 5:30 and daylight just seems to linger deliciously. Longer days equal more fun!

A friend and I went to a seminar last week at a local quality garden center. It was fun and interesting! They showed different plant types for 4 types of gardens: formal, drought-tolerant, shade and cottage. They stressed "easy" cottage because cottage gardens require the most work, with all the deadheading and maintenance required when you have a lot of flowers. We had a great time! It was very warm and sunny; I had sweat running down my back even though it was only 10:30 in the morning. I allowed myself to spend less than $10 and bought two sweet pea seedlings that I'll plant later this week. 

         

Pics of my garden right now:
This beautiful sweet pea just decided to pop up this year. (Probably reseeded itself from last year.) It’s so sturdy and so fragrant. Sweet peas have always been my favorite flower.

Another volunteer: a yellow freesia that decided to pop up from the 2nd row of the planter wall. (I didn’t plant freesias this year, either.)

Cymbidium orchid. I do nothing but water this very giving plant and it just blooms and blooms despite my benign neglect.

Kalanchoe (which really needs a bigger pot) with freesias hanging down in them. Next to it is a mix of red and white cyclamen that I planted for Christmas a few years ago. (It could probably use repotting as well.)

     

Can you spot the little green siskin on the side of the garden hook? He came to play and splash in the fountain. My fountain is old and worn, but has a top basin that’s perfect for the birds to bathe in.

Last year, I took my grands to Balboa Island on the first day of Easter vacation. We explored, had lunch, walked around the harbor area and checked out all the cute houses. And, of course, we decided we’d love to live there in cute little cottages, too. Bri decided that we should do a “Balboa Day” every year on the first Monday of Easter. Their family headed to Utah this morning, though, so we had to revise our plans and we went for a short visit last Friday. I picked up both girls after Jas got out of school and we headed down to stroll a bit and get Balboa Bars (delicious ice cream bars, famous on Balboa). We admired the cute cottages and spied an older couple sitting out on their tiny front porch, reading the newspaper in their Adirondack chairs and having a chat with friends who strolled by. Perfect scene of contentment. (Jas had to go for an MRI on her shoulder right after this; persistent problems made worse by water polo and swim team. We hope the issue can be resolved. It’s causing her a lot of pain.)

My beautiful grands!   

                     

Lovely cottage border garden on the island.

If spring hasn’t come to your area yet, it will! I hope it’s a beautiful one for you, too!

owning the journey

What should I do? you ask me
What do you think?
I’m unsure, uncertain …
I’m in need

I need you to help me

I’m unhappy
I’m not well
I’m hurting
I’m troubled

I need you to help me

I need you to solve my problems, I hear
I need you to stand for me
I need you to take care of this
I need you to tell me what to do

I need you to help me

I need to hand over my problems to you, you tell me
I can’t handle this any more
Give me the answers 
Carry my burdens for me

I need you to help me

I answer:
I will love you and support you
I will hold your hand
I will cry with you
I will be present for you

I will share my own experiences
I will be your companion on the journey
I will listen with my full attention
I will hold you

But I cannot own your journey
Your journey is yours alone
I don't have your answers
You have your own path to trod, as I have mine

I will accompany you
As you receive what you are given
In your own way
On your own terms

Just as I must stay on my own mat
Receiving what I’ve been given
In my own way
On my own terms

We each have our own way of being in the world
We each have our own journey to experience
Our own lessons to learn
Our own understandings to grow into

I cannot take your troubles,
Your heartache, your sorrow
I cannot take your burdens for you
They are yours to carry for this time

But I can stand witness
And be by your side
To catch you when you can’t stand another minute
To hold you when you need to be held

And I hope that you will do the same for me
As we each travel our own journeys
On our own mats
In our own way of being in the world

Namaste

Celebrating Mom and family

Today marks 23 years since my Mom separated from her body here. She was always a big, happy, fun presence, full of laughter, ready with a joke, always ready to move her feet and dance. As you can see in these pics, she was a beauty, too. It was super cold and windy when I went to the cemetery this morning to bring flowers and polish her headstone until it shone. I really love having a quiet,beautiful, special place where I can focus my thoughts and prayers on her without distraction. There are two vases; I always use the 2nd one because Dad used to use the first one and even though he doesn’t go there any longer, I still pull out both vases so the 1st one can still be pulled out. I fill the vase with water at the spigot, wet a rag for cleaning, trim the flower bouquet I brought (roses, ranunculus – really pretty today) and arrange it in the vase. Kneeling on a towel, I go to work on the headstone, clearing leaves, cleaning the stone, spraying it with marble/granite cleaner, wiping it and then buffing with a soft cloth for a high shine. All the while, I’m talking to Mom, feeling her presence, just the two of us, loving one another as always. I put my hands together in prayer and pray. Then I bend forward, kiss her name on the headstone and make the Sign of the Cross on her name.

  

I love the pic of mom on her wedding day. So young and beautiful and all that lace – wow! She visited Disneyland when it opened; we’ve figured she was probably pregnant with my brother Steve in this pic. In the 3rd pic are my cousins Rosie and Carmen (on the ends), with me and Mom.

   
1st pic: Tio Lolo; 2nd pic: Shelly S. (2nd cousin), Ruben O., me, Rosie A.(little girl in pic above), Gloria O.S.

Yesterday, I visited my Oropeza cousins in Oxnard to celebrate my Tio Lolo’s 83rd birthday.(Oropeza is Mom’s maiden name.) Tio Lolo is Mom’s youngest brother; she was next to the youngest in birth order in the Oropeza family of 10 children. They were all always very close and we grew up visiting at various tios’ homes nearly every weekend, all the cousins playing and growing up together. Family was the most important thing and our bond to one another was tight, almost like brothers and sisters. Being with cousins yesterday (and 2nd cousins and 3rd cousins) made me feel even closer to Mom. Being with them is like being with Mom: teasing, laughing, loving, talking endlessly, wanting more time together and not wanting to leave. Thank you, Mom, for our family, for my wonderful brothers and all of my beautiful, loving, crazy-fun extended family. I miss you but I see you alive still in all of us. I love you, Mom!

It’s Girl Scout Cookie Time

February 8 was National Girl Scout Cookie Day. Do you buy Girl Scout cookies? What’s your favorite? Samoas drizzled with chocolate? Thin Mints?  I don’t buy Girl Scout cookies, tempting as they are. Oh, I’d like to. I don’t like cake, but I do love cookies, especially good cookies.

But I don’t buy Girl Scout cookies. When I was in elementary school, a bunch of us signed up to join. I was so excited! Crafting, meetings, badges, camping – I could hardly wait. Actually, I did wait … and wait and wait. I found out later that the meetings had started … but only for the lighter-skinned girls. Those of us with darker skin (there were only a couple of us) weren’t called. We weren’t allowed to join the local Girl Scouts. I was just a little girl and I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know about prejudice or why some girls got to join but others weren’t. To me, we were all the same, just a bunch of little girls in elementary school.

It’s hard to believe that not so long ago, Girl Scout troops were segregated, with different troops for white girls, African-Americans, Latinos, Asians. At my school, there weren’t enough of us darker-skinned girls to be able to create a troop, so we were simply left out. I watched as the Girl Scouts wore their uniforms to school on meeting days, with their sashes and badges. I listened to them talk about their meetings and the things they’d learned or made. It made me sad. I didn’t know then why I couldn’t join. I felt left out and didn’t know why.

The social unrest of the 60s prompted the Girl Scouts to change their programs and the organization, but not yet in my area. There was prejudice in Orange County at that time. (When we moved into our new house, a neighbor came up to my mom and told her “I didn’t know they were going to let Mexicans move in here!” To which my dear mom replied “I didn’t know they were going to let poor white trash move in here.” You didn’t mess with my mom.) Thankfully, the Girl Scouts are a great organization and those types of prejudices are no longer. They do great work, building up young girls, teaching them a variety of skills, building confidence and inner strength, creating strong young women.

I so wanted to be part of that. I don’t buy Girl Scout cookies. I don’t buy them because of the little girls that they hurt so deeply years ago. I don’t buy them because of the little girl that I was, wondering why I was left out, not knowing why. It’s not that I hold a grudge; as I said, they’re a great organization and I encourage your support. It’s just that I want to honor and serve as witness for what once was, for the little-girl-me who just wanted to be part of a troop.

A little painting for my grand's 16th birthday

It's amazing that my baby grand, Jas, is now 16 years old. Oh, what a precious baby she was for me at a tough time in my life! She, her mom and her dad lived with me during Jasmine's first year. It was one of my great, quiet joys to wake up to her softly crying in the middle of the night, going into her room and taking her into the living room where I'd rock her, sing to her, maybe give her a bottle if she was hungry.

Holding my precious first granddaughter in my arms swelled my heart and began the difficult work of healing it in so many ways after it had been so badly injured. She still does that for me; my soul still connects, recognizes and knows her power in my life.

I saw a print on Pinterest recently and thought it would make a great painting for Jas. She's on her high school junior varsity water polo team and loves being in the pool or at the beach. I printed a copy (on the left) and then painted it on an 8x10 canvas. Just a bit of fun for my water baby girl (an Aquarian, like me) who loves the water!