peace, love and the sound of the 60s…

I popped one of my fave CDs into the player, picked up my book and went outside to read and lounge in the warm sun. A quiet day, perfect for relaxing. The music started …

Love is but the song we sing,
And fear's the way we die …

Ahhhh, The Youngbloods, singing what I sometimes consider my anthem.

C’mon people, now
Smile on each other
Everybody get together
Try and love one another right now

The cultural phenomenon of the 60s is generally considered to be from 1963 to 1973. If you had any part in the 60s, you’d love this CD, Summer of Love, The Sound of 1967. Songs like Whiter Shade of Pale (Procol Harum), Daydream Believer (The Monkees), Groovin’ (The Rascals); bands like The Mamas & The Papas, Strawberry Alarm Clock, The Grass Roots. Great music.

Everything just felt so perfect, listening to the music, easing into a Sunday afternoon reverie. I laid down my book and closed my eyes … the music sparking memories, floating through my thoughts …

- Inna Gadda Da Vida playing at the junior high dance; the school auditorium’s screen pulled down; colored gels on the glass of the overhead projector creating a psychedelic light show

- my comfy moccasins, dark brown suede, no fringe

- wearing feathers on a length of leather thong, tied in my long hair

- the British Invasion: music, clothing, make-up styles; hot pants, mini-skirts, halter tops made from Indian cloth; Twiggy’s painted-on lashes that I tried so carefully to emulate

- Love’s Baby Soft: “Wear your love like heaven …” (Donovan)

- Innocent love: Johnny Angel (How I Love Him)

- Casio keyboards

- Lovely, gentle, happy hippies; the Peace Movement; wearing flowers in my hair; Mom calling me Joan Baez as I sat cross-legged on the family room floor, playing my guitar (Wake up, Maggie, I think I’ve got something to say to you …)

- John F. Kennedy. My mom campaigned for his election and we spent many hours stuffing and licking envelopes as little kids. JFK was the first president I was truly aware of and, as such, he set the bar for what I feel a president should be. I’ve not known another president to come close to the stature and greatness that I perceived in this man.

- The Space Program. Civil Rights. Women’s Rights. The end of Jim Crow laws. Vietnam. Sit-ins. Freedom. Counter culture and social revolution. The Peace Corps. The assassinations. Has anybody here seen my old friend Bobby? Can you tell me where he’s gone?

I was just growing up and all of this social upheaval around the world became part of my childhood experience; this was my normal. The world did a profound shift and I shifted with it. It still seems like such a golden time, the music integral to the experience. Images continued to float through my mind as I lounged in the sun, enjoying my quiet Sunday afternoon.

What makes you think love will end
when you know that my whole life depends … on you …

The Association - Never My Love by epb21

Dad and Daughter

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown

Pic above: Dad's high school graduation portrait. He and the other boys in his graduating class each borrowed the photographer's jacket and tie for their portraits.

I spent a wonderful Friday afternoon at my Dad's house, just talking and being together (along with his wife), catching up on things, sharing memories, being present to one another. I count myself enormously blessed to still have him with us. He was born in 1929 and will be 80 this year. Mom crossed over in 1990, and we all miss her so much; I can't even think of Dad's crossing over without tearing up. I pray he lives many more years; he's had a couple of strokes, which have affected his memory, and as he says, he "can't hear worth a darn." He's been recently diagnosed with depression, probably because of his wife's own health challenges. He mourned so deeply when Mom crossed over and I'm sure he doesn't want to go through it again.

Pic above: Dad about 20 yrs. old

He's always been my hero, my champion, the most hard-working man I've ever known. He always worked two jobs throughout my childhood, rising very early, coming home very late, stopping home for a quick dinner between jobs. I had ballet lessons and piano lessons, one brother had trumpet lessons and a beautiful Besson trumpet, another brother played sports, paid for by Dad's long hours to ensure his family had what we needed to excel in life.

Pic above: Dad's ship, the USS Ernest G. Small. My youngest brother is named for the ship.

Dad's a quiet man with a wicked sense of humor and a multitude of catchphrases that always make me smile. My cousin Patsy's told me that when thinks of him, she always remembers his sayings, like "she looks like 40 miles of bad road."

His mom was half Apache and people can see the Native American in him. I asked him yesterday what his father was; "Good for nothing", he said, and left it at that. His father was an abusive man who did some pretty horrible things to all in the family. I think Dad's quiet strength comes as a result of a very hard childhood.

Pic above: Dad's Navy portrait

He loved being in the Navy, he's told me, and loved to be out at sea, away from everyone. I'm so much like him in that way, very comfortable in my own company, not one for big crowds and commotion, very calm and peaceful. I once painted an oil painting for him of a flowing river, because that's what he reminds me of: a smoothly flowing river, constant and calming.

Pic above: Some of Dad's medals and a letter from the Korean government commemorating his service in the Korean War.

As the only daughter, Dad may have spoiled me just a bit. For every ballet performance, he always brought me pink roses. When Mom would get frustrated with trying to teach me to cook or crochet or sew, she'd send me outside with a terse "Go outside and help your father!" My love of gardening developed because of him; I could spend hours digging in the dirt with him. Sweetpeas are my favorite flower because of the abundance of vines he grew against the chainlink fence in the backyard.

My Dad's my hero, my champion; a man of strong integrity, polite manners, a good, noble heart, kindness and gentleness, strong faith. I'm proud of him, and I adore and love him with all my heart.

Things I like about birthdays

Things I like about birthdays

Going to the mailbox and being surprised with another new card

The variety of cards, some sweet, some funny (fo shizzle, Vic!)

Displaying my birthday cards where they can give me a smile when I see them

Yoga class on my birthday

Getting my very own birthday post from my online decorating buddies filled with such sweet, sweet messages, plus virtual balloons, cupcakes (zero calories!), roses and other goodies

Having birthday wishes posted to my facebook wall from friends new and old

Reading tons of birthday e-mails from family and friends

Getting a birthday call from my brother
Getting a birthday call and song from my other brother

Having my granddaughters call and sing "Happy Birthday"

The beautiful lillies and touching card from my beautiful friend Ryann at the yoga studio

Having a special birthday dinner with my daughter and her family
Enjoying delicious German chocolate cake made by my eldest granddaughter

Don't you love birthdays and being celebrated by those who love you and care about you? Receiving love and good wishes for days and days, smiling at the comments, laughing at the jokes, feeling the caring goodness of others. My cheeks are positively sore tonight from smiling all day long. In yoga class, as I opened my heart, I could feel it filling with love from all the beautiful people in my life, and then I opened my arms wide, lifted my crown chakra to heaven and sent that love forth from my heart to the world ... sparkling, bright, clear images of peace, love and goodness to all beings everywhere.

Thank you, dear friends. You remind me of all the various parts and history of who I am and who I have been. Each of you holds a different piece. I am abundantly grateful to have you share some part of my life's journey with me. How happy you make me!

Namaste

tagged with love

As usual, it looks like I have some catching up to do. No surprise. Anyone who knows me IRL knows how completely, 100% reliable I am when it comes to time: I can always be counted on to be late. If I show up for yoga before class starts, everyone looks at the clock in surprise, thinking there must be some mistake. My family knows to give me false start times: if an event starts at 1pm, they tell me 12:30pm so I'll get there by 1. All of which is just fine with me. I know it's inconsiderate of others, I know that if I just leave a little earlier, blah blah blah ... I'm a grown woman. I know these things. And yet I'm always late. I consistently underestimate the amount of time things will take; I try to cram one more thing in before I leave the house. Truthfully, being on time isn't that important to me. When I get there, I'll be there. Until then, I won't. If I invite people over and they're late, it doesn't bother me a single bit. They'll get here when they get here and oh what a wonderful time we'll all have then. Time is a manmade concept anyway, a contrived convenience for humans; God doesn't wear a watch.

But I digress (which is making me get started later than I'd wanted to. It's almost midnight here and my modem is acting up on top of it. See what I mean?). I have three things to catch up on from bloggy friends, so let's get to it!

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First, I received a super-sweet "I love your blog" award from a new blog friend, Rebecca. I'm really glad I discovered her. I absolutely love good, solid, thought-provoking writing. I'll re-read a deliciously written sentence several times (from a book, an article, a blog, whatever); often, too, I'll copy it down so I can read it again at my leisure. Rebecca writes beautifully and skillfully and it's a treat to visit her "Just a Thought" blog. Thank you so very much, Rebecca! You lit up my heart with this!

This award is to be paid forward, so here are the rules and the five that I nominate:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more).
3. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
4. Link to this post and to the person who originally sent you your award.

My five nominees whose blogs I love (I love more than these, though!):

1. Amber
2. Luxie
3. Kat
4. Heather
5. Lisa

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My other two can actually be combined. Both Lisa and Carol have tagged me to name some quirky things about myself. (Lisa's said to name 7; Carol's said to name 6. I could name 100, but I think I'll try to stick with just 6.) Then I'm supposed to name 6 (or 7) others to tag and have them do the same. It's very late and I'm very sleepy and besides, most everyone I follow has already been tagged and exposed their quirks for all to see. (Personally, I love quirks. I've always hoped to grow up to be a character; you know, someone that others mention with a smile and say "ah, she's such a character.")

So here goes with my list of 6 quirky things about me:

1. I can't wear a watch. They stop on me. Always have. When I was young, mom tried wristwatches, necklace watches, ring watches. They all stopped working within a couple of hours. I'd take them off and put them on the dresser and some time later, I'd find that they were working again. Tick-tick-tick. Several people have told me they experience the same thing or know someone who has. I've tested this using others' watches and had the same result. I haven't tested it in years, though. (See above about time measurement not being important to me.)

2. I think we all can hear the voice of God if we just sit quietly and listen from time to time. Prayer is us talking to God; quiet meditation is us listening to God. We all need that quiet space.

3. Being near a lot of leather makes me physically uncomfortable. Leather smells like death to me. I can wander in a furniture showroom and if I start feeling uncomfortable and queasy, I know I'm near a leather sofa.

4. When I lose something, I don't fret and worry. I feel that if I'm supposed to find it, I'll find it when I'm supposed to find it. Worrying or getting anxious doesn't change the result. Last week, I lost my cellphone headset. Calmly looked throughout the car several times. Three days later, I found it in a spot that I'd checked several times previously. I wasn't surprised.

5. When I drink from a paper coffee cup or beverage cup, the seam of the cup has to be at the back where my fingertips hold the cup (like the laces on a football). If it has a coffee sleeve, the seam of the sleeve also has to be at the back. I will twist the lid and the sleeve around until this is so.

6. My closet is organized by sleeve length, then by color. Tanks sorted from light to dark, then s/s tees, etc. Same with my skirts and slacks. And there are no extra hangers. Makes things so much easier. I find things easily when getting dressed in the morning. When I wear my red tee, its hanger remains in the spot in my closet where the red tee goes. After I've washed it, the red tee hanger is right there for the red tee. I like things simple.

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And with that, I'm off to bed! I hope you have a wonderfully, quirky week with cherished characters who make you smile.

receive what you have been given ...

This morning at yoga, I found myself so thankful for my body and all that it has taught and continues to teach me.

In 10 years of ballet, it taught me about perseverance and challenging myself, trying again and again with determination and strength …

In ballroom and salsa dancing, my body taught me how to interact with another closely and cooperatively; one of the greatest joys of being a dancer is when the two of you connect so well that you are both in total harmony with one another, singing the music with your bodies …

When I was pregnant, it taught me about miracles, as I was amazed at this new human life growing and moving within me, connecting not just my heart but my now body to God in His miracle …

When I went through an extended labor, my body taught me that I am connected to all other creatures, sharing in the most primal experience of birth, raw and guttural and painful in its amazing beauty …

When I had cervical cancer, it taught me that I could either be fearful and worried, or I could be strong and accepting – I could receive what I’d been given – releasing any worry and simply taking the steps I needed to take, knowing that we are all only here temporarily and what would be, would be…

When I hug a loved one or a new friend, it teaches me the importance of physical touch, how a physical embrace, heart to heart, arms wrapped around one another, can bring joy in good times and enormous comfort in bad; the same embrace, yet experienced differently when it’s infused with emotional intention …

Through fibromyalgia, my body has taught me to slow down and pay attention to how I’m feeling each day and to make any necessary adjustments, a lesson I use at work and in relationships: slowing down to pay attention and then adjusting accordingly …

My body has taught me that knowledge truly is power; when I found out last year that the back and hip pain I’ve had for many years was due to a transitional vertebrae, scoliosis and spondylolisthesis – and when I saw the x-rays and truly understood how my spine and bones were formed – I was given a beautiful gift; now that I have an “inside view”, I can make the necessary adjustments to manage and even reduce the pain …

This morning in yoga, as I extended my arms up to the heavens in Sun Salutation, I felt the strength and wholeness of the entire length of my body, fingertips to heels.

I leaned forward in Warrior III, balancing on one strong, straight leg and extending the other leg back and up. Heart slightly lifted, I focused my gaze, pressing my hands together at heart center, and held the balance.

Still body, still mind;
still mind, still body.

Thank you, body/self, for serving me so well!

Namaste.

shifts and changes ... part I

Since I'm in a new neighborhood now, I feel that I should re-introduce myself and share a bit about the shifts and changes going on in my life.

I am:

• a mom with one wonderful daughter who is my heart,
• a Nana with two sparkling granddaughters, 10 and 7, who light up my life
• a mother-in-law with a great son-in-law,
• a daughter (my Dad is alive and will be 78 on Tuesday; Mom crossed over in 1990 and we all miss her incredible personality and abundant love),
• a sister with two amazing brothers; when we're together, the conversation and laughter is non-stop; I love them both so much! I have a sister-in-law who is wonderful and generous and so good and ever-loving to my brother.
• a friend with deep, close relationships with people who have walked into my life and share my journey with their love and support
• a cousin and niece to a wonderfully connected family; with each passing year, I treasure my relationships with my cousins more and more

Those are some of the people in my life. I also have an ex-sister-in-law who I love very much; she is like a younger sister to me.

I play piano; not really well and I can't play by ear, but I sightread passably well and I love to sit and play my favorites with all the windows open and the ocean breeze caressing my skin as it flows through my small townhome. My neighbor, Steve, will sometimes yell across the fence "Play some more Elton John!"

I studied ballet for about 10 years and I am passionate about dance. When my daughter was growing up, I bought tickets for the ballet season each year at our performing arts center; now I go with one of my treasured friends. We see dancers from companies around the world, sip champagne at intermission and people-watch the Russian balletomanes when the Russian dance companies perform. The Russians come dressed in fur coats and smoke cigarettes at intermission, their Russian words filling the air along with their smoke.

I've also studied ballroom dance and salsa, performing in two amateur salsa groups. After one performance, our director called me back onstage and introduced me to everyone as a grandmother! Wild applause - I don't know whether for my dancing or for being brave enough to get up there with a group of 20-somethings!

I currently study yoga, the physical side as well as the philosophical/spiritual side. Yoga has been an incredible experience for me in terms of managing some health issues. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1995 and it's been a journey to learn how others deal with the constant pain and to find ways that I can manage it. Last year, I was diagnosed with spondylolisthesis and transitional vertebrae, which means I have some vertebrae that have shifted forward out of alignment with the spinal column and press on the spinal nerves, and other vertebrae that fused together, probably as a baby, which could explain the scoliosis that I have. The doctors mentioned extensive spinal surgery to address the problems, but I just increased my yoga practice and went for more aggressive, twice-weekly chiropractic care which has made a huge difference in my mobility and pain levels. No knives for this girl! I love my yoga and feel incredible after 90 minutes of sweating and working and getting in touch with where my body is each day. I hope that what works for me can also help others who have pain and health issues.

... to be continued ...