Ebbs and flows …

Life has its ebbs and flows, its highs and lows, its challenges and its joys. The calm, everyday times are often followed by times where we struggle a bit and grow through the learning of how to deal with those struggles.

It's been an emotional couple of weeks. Mom’s birthday was August 28 so I took flowers to the cemetery and I sat there quietly with my prayers and my memories. Her cute smile when she was up to something funny, her boundless energy, her enthusiasm and her endless encouragement. So much that we learned from her. Cooking wasn’t one of them on my part. My sweet Mom just had no patience when it came to teaching me how to cook and most tries would end up with her telling me to “go out in the yard and help your Dad.” So, I learned how to garden instead. Haha!

Gramma had surgery and hasn't been doing well since then (she'll be 98 on 10/3); her body's healing but she's talking to angels and saying she wants to go home. (I should clarify that she’s my ex’s Gramma but we remained family nonetheless and I love her as if she was my own blood.) Before the surgery, she lived on her own and did everything for herself. Now she's confined to a bed at home and hospice is helping. Before her surgery, I took a pic of us. I wish it showed how pretty her blue eyes are. She’s always entertained us with wonderful stories of her youth. She doesn’t tell us stories right now.

My dad's birthday was Wednesday; he still hasn't spoken to us in over a year. I sent him a box of See's chocolates, as I always do for holidays and special occasions with a card saying I love him and miss him. I tried calling him, knowing it was futile because they have caller ID and don’t answer the phone. I always let my cousins know when his birthday approaches so they can send him a birthday card if they’d like. I still do that. I still love the Dad that we used to have in our lives.

One of my best friends has been caring for her dad for the last six months (battling cancer); he passed away Wednesday night. Her loving selflessness in caring for him was such a tribute to the relationship they shared. She’d drive a couple of hours to spend several days with him, then drive back home for several days, repeating that routine week in and week out. He was a good man and she would do anything for him and did. He will be missed by many. My heart is so sad for my friend.

Sometimes you just have to sit down and have a good cry for the sorrow in the world and the grief that our loved ones have to bear. One of my mantras is “Receive what you are given.” When we have to receive sorrow, we have to accept it and deal with it. Find the lessons, cry a bit, feel the depth of the emotions that you feel and not shove any of it away. And then we re-balance and look up at the stars and give thanks for a roof over our head and food in the cupboard. Simple gratitude for the abundant blessings in life.

on acceptance …

“Receive what you are given.”

One of my yoga teachers, Peter, always had a way of saying things that resonated strongly with me. This was one of them, the idea of acceptance, of receiving both the good and the bad. I’ve meditated on this concept many, many times, unearthing its layers and meanings for my life. I use it several times a week to help guide me and my spirit with grace.

At my granddaughter’s softball game on Saturday, one of the parents complained to the coach that they’d only had one week to sell their fundraising items. The coach, of course, could do nothing about this, which the woman even acknowledged, but she went ahead and complained anyway. I thought it was pointless and felt that they were given a week; do the best that you can with it. And then contact the board and see how you can help next year to provide more time for fundraising. Complaining doesn’t change anything. The coach (who agreed with her) asked if anyone had had a chance to sell anything. My daughter said yes, she had. How much? he asked. “$180. And M (another mother) also sold $180.” Such a contrast: two mothers who received what they were given and moved with it in grace, doing what they could. Another mother who got aggravated and became immobilized in her aggravation as a result.

I’ve always said that if you become stuck in traffic, you have two choices: You can either get angry, honk your horn and yell at other drivers … or you can turn on the radio and sing. (Guess which one I am – lol!)

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment for my 2002 Civic’s 110,000 mile service. It has 132,000 miles but I couldn’t get the service (over $1000; timing belt and other major service) done previously when I was unemployed so I was happy I was finally going to get it done. As I headed out to my appointment, I immediately knew something was wrong: I had a flat. I drove the few houses back home and called the auto club. Problem :: solution. No getting angry or upset. Identify the problem; determine the solution. Receive what you are given. Deal with it. Get it handled. (I was immensely grateful that I didn’t get the flat when I was driving the 50 miles to my daughter’s home on a busy freeway. A grace.) A nice young man came out, replaced the flat with the temporary spare, I gave him a tip and went to the dealership.

At the dealership, we examined the tires and determined that I really needed to get all four tires replaced, but I could get by with doing two now and doing the other two at my next service. I also had a headlight that had been out for a month and needed to be replaced. Since it would be a few hours, I took the shuttle home. A couple of hours later, I got a call: the front brake rotors were below minimum and should be replaced. I could just replace the pads for now, though, and do the rotors at my next service. (Let me say here that I absolutely trust my service tech. He’s a great guy, I’ve known him for eight years and I trust him.) One of the suspension bushings was also broken and needed to be replaced. I knew the car had been riding really roughly and had meant to mention this when I brought the car in; now I knew why.

Even with a 5% discount on parts and service, the final total was $1800. I had all new belts, two new tires, new timing belt and tensioner, all new fluids, tire alignment, new headlight, new suspension bushing, new front brake pads … a complete service, head to toe, plus a very nice car wash to boot. It was more money than I’d planned for, but it is what it is. I haven’t had a car payment for six years and I plan on hanging on to my Civic while I save for a new one, so I need to have it well-maintained and safe to drive. I could complain and be upset at the expense, but it doesn’t change anything. I feel that I’m fortunate the tire went flat when it did, I’m fortunate the brakes are better, I’m fortunate the suspension is much better. Receive what you are given. I’ve been given an $1800 bill but I’ve also been given a safe, well-running car. Money well spent.

Namaste

PS. Thank you to those of you who dropped me notes to check that I was OK since I hadn't posted in a couple of weeks. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness! The new job is an 11-hour day with commute, so it doesn't leave me the time I'd like for reading my favorite blogs and for writing. Hoping that something shifts so I can have a bit more time. Thanks!