Gramma’s Home Again

Saturday was All Souls Day. Saturday was the day that Gramma’s body died and she was released from her earthly bonds to return home again, just as she’s been wanting to for awhile. She was born on October 3, 1915, so at 98 years old, she has an awful lot of family and friends who were already there ready to greet her with open arms, loving kisses and cheers of joy.

I imagine there were a few “hallelujahs!” and amens in the mix, too. Gramma loved to go to a nearby Baptist church where the sermons were passionate and the congregation filled with joyful hallelujahs. When she couldn’t drive any longer, she had to switch to another church that she could walk to. She told me that it was nice but, leaning in conspiratorially, that it “wan’t as nice as the other one. They’re much quieter.” She preferred her church to be loud and boisterous!

Elizabeth Sears was a tiny little thing, with a head of red hair and sparkling blue eyes. She had a flirty, fun way about her; a twinkly, happy, we’re-all-gonna-have-a-great-time kind of way. If you met her, you loved her. She was utterly and profoundly irresistible. For the last two months as she was in hospice care at home, her neighbors all visited and asked about her. Everyone loved “Mrs. Sears.”

She was a farm girl and darned proud of it, too. She grew up in Kansas and had that hardy Midwestern attitude, never complaining but just moving through life’s challenges as they came up. If problems came up, she didn’t waste time on complaints; she simply worked on a solution.

When I visited the last few years, we’d have coffee and talk. She had such wonderful stories to share about her life, about being married four times, about leaving her first husband and taking her two daughters to California to make a new life. Gramma worked during the war as a “Rosie the Riveter.” She was very proud to be able to buy her house and said that she was finally home and would never leave it. She never did.
 
Her storytelling is legendary in the family. She was always smiling as she shared her memories. Gramma’s entire being would light up and she’d chuckle delightedly about funny little things that happened. I loved that part, her lighting up with delight. Her delight was utterly infectious and you found yourself drawn into her smile and personality and that light that she radiated, glowing with happiness around her, an aura of colorful vibrancy.

The last few years, when we’d talk, she’d tell me that she’d lived a very good, long life and she would be happy to go home to God any time. She’d tilt her head and shrug her shoulders and say that she didn’t know why God kept her here, but she’d smile and say that it’s up to Him and she was fine with that. Another time when I visited, she pulled down the neck of her turtleneck and showed me her neck, saying how she just didn’t like the wrinkles that she had there now. Then she simply pulled up her turtleneck again and kept on telling her stories. Another time, she showed me how her fingers on her right hand had curled due to arthritis, making it hard to grasp her garden clippers. Gramma told me that she found that she could uncurl them just enough with her other hand to put the clippers in her right hand and once she had them in her hand, she could clip away! She just never wasted any time feeling disappointed in anything in life.

I could tell Gramma stories all day. I loved her beyond and beyond. She was actually my ex-husband’s Gramma, but I loved her the instant I met her and she loved me. When my husband and I had our daughter Amber and made her a great-grandmother, she gained a new nickname: Great G. After I divorced, nothing changed between her and I; we were still family to one another. We corresponded, I visited, she always always sent gifts to my daughter (her great-granddaughter) for holidays and birthdays, I sent her pics of Amber growing up through the years. When my daughter had her daughters, I told her we had to go visit Great G so they could all meet since Great G was now a great-great grandmother.

And now Great G is dancing in heaven, just as she’s been wanting. I’m so happy for her joy and for the reward of heaven for her. I’m happy to have had her in my life and look forward to being reunited once again when I’m called home, too. I expect she’ll greet me with a hearty “hallelujah!” I love you, Gramma!

Mom’s empty calendar

My dad remarried several years after Mom’s body passed away. He gave me some of Mom’s things then, including an old suitcase that we’d used my entire life when we did our annual summer road trips. Hard sides, snap-open locks, a tweed-like pattern and a couple of little pockets on the inside lid. Inside the suitcase were a few treasures that Mom had kept. None of us in the family are hugely sentimental about keeping physical objects, so these must have been very important to her for her to have kept them.

The contents of the suitcase included several white linen or cotton baby garments, most of them exquisitely handmade, hand-embroidered with the tiniest little stitches and teeny little buttons. The detail is beautiful on each of the pieces she saved. There is also a little baby bonnet and cloth baby shoes. Just a few pieces, not many. Mom sewed and embroidered, so I imagine these are pieces that she made and so they are now my treasures.

Laying aside the delicate garments I found a gauzy fringed top and pink harem pants: my harem girl outfit she made for me as a young girl! Next to it was my brother’s Aladdin outfit in blue with a fancy vest. So exciting to see these again and think of her making these for us. I also found a gorgeous white beaded evening purse, all the beads still on it, perfectly preserved.

There were a few other things but I found two very special items tucked into one of the pockets on the lid. One is a small black book: my dad’s military missal. And the other a pocket calendar. Odd to find it saved like this; my mom didn’t keep calendars. Once the year was done, so was the calendar. And she didn’t generally use a pocket calendar.

Leafing through it, January was blank, as was February, March, April and every page in that calendar except one: July. For some reason, she’d posted a payday and a couple of payments. But the oddest thing was on Friday, July 3 on which she’d written “No” and the following Friday, July 10 which said “Yes.” No other notations on any other pages except July. A No and Yes. What could they mean? And why did Mom keep this little mostly empty pocket calendar?

I took a look at the front of the calendar and noted the year and saw that it was the year before I was born. Counting backward, I realized that July was about 7 months before I was born. My heart broke open and tears etched down my face. Mom! You found out you were pregnant with me! I’m her firstborn, the oldest child in the family. I let myself cry, missing her so much in that moment, and held that little calendar that Mom had saved all these years.

Mom had spent that year before I was born caring for her mom who was dying of lung cancer. It broke Mom’s heart when her mom’s body passed away. I remember every Sunday after church, we’d go to the cemetery to take flowers and polish the headstone until it gleamed. Mom mourned the loss terribly. She once even told me that she didn’t like seeing old ladies on the street because her own mom didn’t get to become one. And my mom didn’t get to be an old woman either.

I hope that July 10 was a happier day for my mom. I hope that her pregnancy lifted her heart some. My mom was a generous, kind, loving, laughing, joyful, joke-telling, warm, nurturing, smart, amazing woman. I continue to be enormously touched that this woman who didn’t keep “stuff” kept this pocket calendar where only one month is notated, a month that had deeply personal meaning for her. Yes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who are moms, here and there, and to all who mother.

Flowers I took to the cemetery today. I love you, Mom!

be here now

“Redemption and resurrection are neither words nor objects of belief. They are our daily practice. We practice in such a way that Buddha is born every moment of our daily life, that Jesus Christ is born every moment of our daily life.”
—from Going Home, Thich Nhat Hanh

I pray all my Jewish friends had a blessed Passover. (I just learned from my friend Laura that the Hebrew name is Pesach. Thank you, Laura.) And I pray that all my Christian friends had a blessed Easter.

Thich Nhat Hahn reminds us that Easter (or Passover) should be more than just a date on the calendar, more than a beautiful celebration and memorable time spent with family and friends on a lovely spring day. The events and teachings should be something that we live each and every day; redemption and resurrection should be in every moment and in every breath.  Our grateful hearts should reflect Divine unconditional love to others and to ourselves.

Each Christmas, I watch Heidi; each Easter season, I watch Jesus Christ Superstar. The movie really opens my heart to a better understanding of the human side of the story, both of the Jews and of Jesus himself. I could relate to the emotions and desires of a people that are occupied by foreign invaders, persecuted and fearful. In “Heaven on their Minds,” Judas (wonderfully played by Carl Anderson) sings:

Listen Jesus, do you care for your race?
Don't you see we must keep in our place?
We are occupied
Have you forgotten how put down we are?

Judas was fearful that Jesus and all the Messiah talk would get them all killed. Understanding the human aspect of the story makes it more than a story for me; the people become more real, their emotions become more heartfelt for me. (Ask my family: when Jesus is whipped - with Pilate crying out “Twenty-one! Twenty-two! …” - I dissolve into tears.) The redemption and resurrection become more personal.

I continue to pick up on and learn different things from the movie. In “What’s the Buzz,” the disciples want to know what’s happening, what’s next. They’ve started a movement; where do they take it now? Jesus (played by the utterly amazing Ted Neeley) reminds them:

Why should you want to know?
Don't you mind about the future.
Don't you try to think ahead.
Save tomorrow for tomorrow;
Think about today instead.

Be here now. What a wonderful lesson! Live each day with Heaven on our minds, with Divine love and joy in every moment of every day. The future will unfold, whether we worry about it or not. Release any worry; inhale love and beauty. Everything we have is in this precious moment. Cherish it. See the beauty. Smell the wonder. Smile from deep inside, knowing peace and calm. Save tomorrow for tomorrow. Be here now.

Halleluia!

Here I am …

Really? it’s been over a month since I’ve posted?

For some reason the past month has had less time than any given month usually has. Does that ever happen for you? One day sometimes seems a bit longer than normal, stretching out and extending every minute into the very fullest, maxed-out minutes ever. Then another day seems to have the shortest minutes ever dashed into time and space, the kind that surprise you as you watch the day speed by in a blur.

I’ve had a month of those teeny minutes, too-short days and just couldn’t fit it all in. I LOVE reading my favorite blogs and I haven’t even read any of them for weeks. Time to catch up! (I’m supposed to be doing my taxes right now, but I’d much rather check out what everyone’s been up to. You understand, right?)

First, thank you so much for those amazing comments on my last post about heaven being in the everyday moments. There is such beauty, grace, love and wisdom from each one of you. I bow (and hold it a few minutes. You really touch my heart. Namaste) If you didn’t read the comments, you might enjoy checking them out.

Laura - You mention angels among us. I regard you as one of them, gentle one. Your thoughts and honest wisdom always resonate with me.

Debra – Yes, there is true joy and peace found in the small, simple and everyday. Seeing the life force and beauty of a small stone or a bird’s song.

Darla – Goodness, but I always adore your loving enthusiasm! We are blessed!

Connie – I am so blessed by your friendship and so grateful for it. “Heaven is all around us - we only have to stop, look, listen and smell.” You’re part of my heaven.

Sharon – Glad you enjoyed the pics! I hope things are warming up and you’re enjoying your blue sunny skies!

Carol – Woods work, too! Any place with a life energy fits the bill, doesn’t it?

Roselle – I’m amazed and in awe that your life has been a message of angels and miracles. So wonderful that you realize it and acknowledge it! I think most of us experience heaven and miracles, but aren’t always open and aware of it. You have a grateful heart because you know.

Rebecca – “I believe that when we are at peace and when we feel loved, we tend to see the good that is out there.” I agree and concur! It’s interesting to me how two people can have the very same occurrence in their life, yet they can react to it in totally opposite directions, with one person grateful and blessed and the other person feeling unhappy or victimized. Peace and love (or lack of it) alter the experience. (( abrazos ))

Sheri – Thank you for the blog award! I learned much about you and share the same feeling about living near the water and about being truly, madly, deeply in love with life right now. SO AWESOME! You always always make me smile. I don’t usually do those lists myself, but for you, I will be very happy to make an exception – lol!

So, here I am … I’ve been doing some freelance writing for a website. Very cool project and I’m enjoying the content development. That’s part of the reason for my absence here; a lot of writing in the evenings or weekends.

And here I am … I’ve been trying to adopt a rescue dog for about two years and recently ramped up my efforts, checking petfinder.com daily, contacting organizations about specific dogs, completing applications and attending weekly dog adoption events at the pet supply stores. There are some great dogs out there! I’m allergic so have been focusing on non-allergenic breeds like Havanese, Maltese, etc. No luck so far, but I’m sure the time will come when “my” dog will present itself somehow. I think the organizations prefer to place the dogs in homes where they won’t be left alone the entire day. I understand that and I’m being patient. I totally trust that I’ll have my dog when I’m supposed to have her. I’m happy and grateful already knowing that there will be a four-legged companion in my life for me to love and care for. Peaceful and content.

And here I am … My daughter, son-in-law and two granddaughters have been living about 50 miles away from me for the past few years. Good news: They’re moving back to Huntington Beach! I’m so thrilled! They’ll only be 2.5 miles from me; we can ride bikes back and forth on the weekends. Their landlord is totally sprucing up their new home; everything should be complete May 1. They’re moving out of their current home next weekend 4/9 and will just stay with me for a few weeks before their move-in. This way the girls can get into school here for the last couple of months. Jasmine (14) moved in with me last weekend; Brianna (10) will be here this Wednesday; we’ll move ‘em next weekend (their stuff will go in the garage of their new place for now) and then everyone will be here. My usually peaceful home will be fun and funny and filled with family. I’m so happy they’re coming back to HB!

And now I’m off to catch up with you all! Those taxes can wait …

simple moments of heaven

There are those who feel that heaven is not some far-off place with winged angels up there among the clouds, but that heaven is all around us and that we encounter angels every day. I tend to agree with them. I get glimpses of heaven in moments throughout my day; moments of bliss and ease, where I feel at perfect peace and contentment. And angels! I think we encounter them more often than we realize. My mom taught us to notice them; when a good samaritan once helped push our car out of a deep puddle during a downpour and then disappeared, I remember her telling us that he was one of God’s angels and we prayed our thankfulness for the help we received.

My life is good and I am abundantly grateful. All are well, all are loved, we are abundantly blessed even as we face life’s challenges. Life is simple and good. It’s these simplest of moments that reflect heaven to me. Simple moments of family gathered together, teasing, laughing, loving. Simple moments of a warm ocean breeze blowing against my skin. Simple moments of life growing in my garden. Some recent simple moments:

My granddaughters recently spent the night while their parents went to a party. We went to dinner, watched a movie and gabbed all night. Their parents came and spent the night after their party. I love the notes added to the whiteboard on the refrigerator; these sweet words light me up inside when I look at them each day.

 

The next morning, we walked down the pier to Ruby’s restaurant for a nice breakfast. Gorgeous—heavenly—day. Warm, sunny, the ocean bobbing with surfers, the pier with eager photographers aiming their cameras at the waves.

Looking toward land, we could see the snowcap of Mt. Baldy in the distance. (Approx. mid-center)

Looking the other direction out to sea, we could see Santa Catalina Island.

A day shared with the love of family, ocean, sunshine, warm breezes—peaceful, happy, heaven on earth.

The garden’s just starting to edge toward spring. Below, orchids and cyclamen are blooming.

The yellow/green orchid is ready to bloom, too. I’m really glad it’s doing so well. I split it into three pieces (sawed it, actually) last year, giving the other two to friends. This one came back in great shape and has even more stalks starting up.

And just check out the freesia in this one pot! Freesia naturalizes in surprising spots each year in my garden. coming back in the usual places, but also showing up in new places. I’ll have to stake these somehow; all of those blooms will be too heavy for these slender stems.

Family, ocean, flowers in the garden – surely this much joy and peace are true glimpses of heaven. Have a beautiful week.