Switching Gears

I started another 21-day meditation challenge with the Chopra Meditation Center. I’ve done a couple of these before and really enjoy making them the start of my day. If you’ve wanted to try meditation, I think this is a good way to start. The format is simple: a centering thought is presented (today’s is “I am love. I am eternal. I am spirit.”), Deepak says a few words, we’re given a mantra to use to keep us focused during meditation and then some music plays while we meditate. Very simple.

As part of this 21-day challenge, I’ve also stopped commenting and posting on Facebook. I still read to keep up with friends, but that’s it. I'd found that too much FB was affecting me. I live alone and used FB to connect and share kind words, interesting articles and such, the kinds of things we’d share with spouses or family, neither of which I have with me on a daily basis. People seem to enjoy what I post and some have told me in person that their day has been lifted or they’ve learned something helpful. But I was finding that what I was reading in some posts and comments was disturbing me more and more, Too much bickering, name-calling, profanity. Too much negative energy and low-vibration comments. Too many people being taken advantage of with “Like bait” (posts with cuddly animals or wounded soldiers or “Like if you hate cancer” – posts that are designed to get well-intentioned people to click Like; scammers make money off these). Too many gullible people reposting hoaxes and generating outrage; too any “shocking video of … !!!”. I’ll admit to even being disappointed at the lack of people’s ability to put together simple sentences, use punctuation and spell. I’ve been more disappointed in people’s lack of critical thinking skills, falling for various scams, or commenting without thinking things through. Just a lot of negative energy that I was just really too tired to consume any longer. (Interesting observation: Those who comment on George Takei’s posts tend to be better thinkers and writers, folks who aren’t prone to writing with multiple exclamation marks like a squealing teenage girl.)

Besides all the negative energy, I was just wasting too much time on FB, time that I’d really rather spend riding my bike in the summer sunshine, playing my piano, taking walks, decorating my home. (I have a list of projects, Always do.) I found myself online, reading and refreshing the page multiple times to see if anything new had come in during the last few seconds. I wasn’t getting anything done and I knew I had to stop. 

In this article, UCLA’s Dr, Peter Whybrow says that “The computer is electronic cocaine for many people. Our brains are wired for finding immediate reward.” Novelty is the immediate reward, which is why we have trouble stopping.

The first few days of my FB hiatus, I found myself reflexively moving to comment. Throughout my day, when I’d find something interesting to share, I’d want to go to FB to post, but stopped myself. The world kept revolving without my pithy remarks on FB. I’ve found myself spending a lot more time doing more high-value activities (like finally posting on my blog and working more on a book that I’m editing for a client) and being less consumed with others’ negativity and low-vibration energy. I’ve been reading interesting articles on LinkedIn, reading more books. (I’m consumed with The Storyteller currently.) I actually started my hiatus a few days before the meditation challenge, but I plan to continue until the end of the 21-day challenge. It’s been pretty easy and I’m finding a lot of satisfaction in switching gears. I’m enjoying my summer more. I hope you’re enjoying yours, too.

Rose

PS. I saw Trevor’s mom on the 4th of July. She takes things day by day; some days better, some days worse. She gave her son the great gift of knowledge and courage during his fight.

On my nightstand …

Do you enjoy reading? Growing up, my parents, brothers and I were voracious readers, heading to the library each Saturday, returning home with the maximum number of books we were allowed to check out and repeating the cycle again the following Saturday. We’d sometimes negotiate with one another at the library: “You check out those and I’ll check out these and then we’ll switch.” We read a wide variety of topics in books, magazines (from Readers Digest to MAD Magazine), comic books; consumed the Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz series, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew; classics like Call of the Wild, Little Women, Walden; history, wars, political intrigue, mysteries, Egyptology, dance, music – we’d read under the covers after Mom told us to turn out the light. (I think of a lot of us did that! ha!)

I go through spurts of interests in my reading. At one point, I was primarily reading business books along the lines of In Search of Excellence; at another stage, I read classics that I’d missed (Grapes of Wrath); and at another, I indulged in Latino authors and stories.

Lately, my reading has mostly been regarding spirituality and our yearning to connect with the Divine. There is such a wealth of reading available and many of my like-minded friends have wonderful recommendations that I keep adding to my list.

Right now on my nightstand are four wonderful books that I’ve recently completed reading.

- The Yoga of Jesus draws beautiful, rich parallels between the teachings of Jesus Christ and those of the ancient yogis. Examining Christian teachings through a yogic viewpoint provided greater clarity and a deeper understanding; I read this slowly, pondering and absorbing, going back to re-read sections. A beautiful, enriching experience.

- In Your Truest Self, Jan Lundy interviews 12 inspiring spiritual women and identifies 12 spiritual principles to help us strip away the false ego and identities we’ve manufactured and to reach inside to the truest and most authentic version of who we are. There are thoughts to ponder, reflections and exercises to aid our journeys. I love the stories of the 12 women and was inspired by the way their personal belief systems helped them through very challenging situations.

- Happy Yoga – possibly my favorite book ever! This is the third time I’ve read this book, it’s that amazing. It’s not about physical yoga, so much; it’s about how to be happy! I think that just about every word in this book resonates with me. The first time I read it, some of the ideas and principles were very new to me but felt so right, like a personal discovery that I’d known all along but that had been hidden from me until I read this book. Reading Happy Yoga always gives me profound joy!

- Anam Cara is by Celtic poet John O’Donohue and if you’ve ever listened to his audiotapes, you’ll find yourself hearing his smoothly lilting Celtic voice in the prose. The language is utterly beautiful, each word like consuming the finest meal and drink. O’Donohue’s love for Celtic mystical thought shines forth and he brings you into a world of deeply ancient truths, of harmony with all that is Divine.

And now I’m re-reading The Four Agreements, a book of simple, practical guidance that challenges me to be more mindful and operate from a different state of heart.

What’s on your nightstand? Any recommendations you’d like to offer? Which reminds me: I need to renew my library card!

Happy children make for happy moms

                 

              

The saying goes “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” As a mom (and Nana), what makes me happy is knowing that my daughter is happy and that my granddaughters are happy. The greatest delights of my life as a mom are seeing and sharing in those moments of pure joy for my daughter. I’d get goose-bumpy with all-over happiness listening to her tinkly peals of laughter while playing with her baby toes. I’d grin from my face to my heart seing her happy surprise the first time she rode a bike, or rode a wave. And through tears, I’ve soared with abundant gratitude witnessing her happy glow as she walked down the aisle to marry the man she loved, or sharing in her experience of becoming a new mom.

Moms aren’t happy when their children aren’t happy. We worry, we become the protective mama bear, we want to fix it and make it better. If mama’s babies ain’t happy, mama ain’t happy. (And they’re always our babies, no matter how grown-up they get.)

Happy children make for happy moms, and I feel so richly blessed that my daughter is happy, with a good life, good husband and wonderful daughters, who are such happy, sparkling little girls. She’s a wonderful young woman. I am a very happy mom. Thank you, God. And thank you again, God. I am so so very grateful. And happy. Did I mention that I’m a very happy mom?

Wishing all moms (and those who mother) the rich blessings of happiness with your own children.

And now, a very funny video moms can really appreciate:

choosing happy …

It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to sit and write. Apologies. I miss it when I don’t write. All these thoughts, discoveries, questions, ponderings buzzing around inside my head always want to get out and usually end up on notes here and there until I can find time. I have endless notes in random places, so have plenty of material from all my navel-gazing, but the time to write seems to elude me. Glad to be here for a quick post. Hope to get back to reading my favorite blogs more regularly, too.

Once again, life is changing … in a really good way! Background: I was unemployed for nine months last year after being laid off. A wonderful period of rejuvenation, wonder, happiness and walks. Then I started a new job in December. Within the first week, I knew it wasn’t the right fit, either professionally or personally. Professionally, because I was hired as an Interactive Project Manager, and the company did not have an interactive group, nor did they practice project management. Personally, because it was a very toxic environment for anyone with any kind of sensitivity, which would mean most people. A lot of agitation, aggressiveness, finger-pointing, accusation … a negative and hostile work situation. It physically hurt to work there.

I applied and interviewed for several months while continuing to work at the company. Then a few weeks ago, someone from my previous company (the one that had laid me off last year), contacted me regarding an opportunity there. It would be in a different department and the pay would be less than I’d made there previously (but more than I was currently making). Basically, both the title and the pay would be lower than before.

I gave it a lot of thought. My job search the past few months was entirely targeted toward interactive project management, but this opportunity was in quality assurance, and I would not hold a manager title, for the first time in many, many years. In three other companies, I’d been a QA Manager, establishing the discipline for each company and growing the department, before I became an interactive project manager.

Did I want to move from a manager role to an analyst role? Did I want to abandon my search for an interactive project manager role? Did I want to return to my former company in a different capacity, with different responsibilities?

When I asked my daughter for her thoughts, she simply asked: “Mom, what would make you happy?”

What would make me happy? Doing work that I do well, working with people I enjoy, being successful in my efforts, being in a good, supportive company, going home at the end of the day feeling happy and satisfied. Those are the types of things that make me happy. Feeling that I’ve contributed and done the best job I can do. Feeling that I'm in a place where I can thrive, professionally and personally. Pay, title—those aren’t things that drive me to excel and achieve. Nice to have, but not important to the health and wholeness of my spirit. In fact, when I really thought about it, pay and title are more about my ego than they are about happiness. And I’ve been really working the past few years on learning to release ego. Maybe that’s why this opportunity was presented to me at this time, to help me in my journey, to help me be less prideful and less egotistical? Maybe the lesson here is to learn what choices will simply make me happy?

“Mom, what would make you happy?” I stopped thinking (ego) and started feeling (spirit). When I thought about going back to my previous company, I felt physically light and happy; right with the world. There was a lift to my spirit and a smile in my heart. What more did I need? Every experience has value and helps us along our journey here and there was a reason that I had to spend time at the “toxic” company. I’m exceedingly happy to report that I’m starting my new job at my old company in a different role tomorrow morning. I chose happy!

Winter Solstice, New Beginnings

“ … I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Phil. 4: 11-12

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever.” ~ St. Francis De Sales

~ ~ ~

December 21^st is the Winter Solstice. It is the shortest day and the longest night of the year here in the Western Hemisphere. From December 22^nd until summer, the days slowly increase in length and in light, until the sun’s zenith on June 21^st, the Summer Solstice.

Tomorrow is a special day to honor new beginnings and a point of change in the rhythms of nature.

Tomorrow is also the day that I start a new beginning: I start a new job tomorrow.

I’m very happy to be starting on this next part of my life journey. And yet, there is a part of me that is reluctant to let go of these gentle days, spinning on their own time. Yes, I want to work and earn my own way again, but I also want to be very careful not to lose the lessons and growth of the last nine months. This time has been wonderful, moving with the natural rhythms of each day, walking every morning, out in the fresh air and sunshine, saying hello to others out, too. There will be many things that I will miss as I begin to move to a new rhythm.

But it’s time to do so, to move forward in a new direction. I will meet new people, learn a new job, contribute the value of my experience and work. And getting a paycheck will be nice and will help me rebuild my savings account again, and provide greater ease for me financially. I’m looking forward … and I’m cherishing what has passed. I do pray that the gentle lessons are now part of my being and that I don’t return to previous unhealthy work patterns. I’ll find a walking route to take on lunch breaks so I can be out in the air and sunshine. I will remember to honor the sacred in each day and in each moment. I will be content and have a calm spirit.

I hope you all have a wonderful Winter Solstice day!

Filled with Christmas Spirit!

I am so filled with Christmas spirit I can hardly stand myself! I have no decor up yet, no baking done, no presents wrapped - and I'm filled with happy, exciting Christmas spirit from head to toe! Christmas is truly in the heart. (All that other stuff is optional.)

I love Christmas, yes I do! I love Christmas, how 'bout you?

Do you love Christmas music? I love to listen to it, dancing joyfully in my living room.

Here’s my Pandora Christmas music station, if you’d like to have a listen: http://www.pandora.com/?ext_lsfi=sw57244878987972132#/stations/play/sw57244878987972132

I love to play my favorite carols and music on my piano, lost in an afternoon of happiness. When I was a girl, my family would all gather around the piano and sing. Oh, what joy it would be to hear my mother’s voice for real instead of just in my heart when I play now! One brother and I would take alternating parts for Good King Wenceslas. When we gather at his and my sister-in-law’s house nowadays for Christmas, I play the piano in their home while the rest of the crowd is gathered in the family room and kitchen, providing background music for the celebration.

Christmas is about celebration, the celebration of the Gift, and the love of the Divine for each of us. I feel that sense of celebration in every fiber of my being these days! Happy, joy-filled, dancing in my heart and in my feet, my fingers dancing across the keys of the piano, my voice lifted in song. I love Christmas!

Cinderfella, plus some garden pics

I read that Jerry Lewis was to receive an award at the Oscars tonight. I loved Jerry Lewis! His characters were goofy, sweet, vulnerable, funny. And in a couple of movies (Cinderfella, The Nutty Professor), we got to see him morph into another version of himself: suave, sexy, appealing on a different level. In the Cinderfella clip, he confidently snaps his foot as he takes the first few steps down the staircase, all eyes on his every move. Such attention to detail. He was also a technological pioneer in the movie-making industry. And of course everyone knows of his tireless telethon work on behalf of "Jerry's Kids."

I love movies of this era, late 50s/early 60s. There's a hopefulness in them, a sense that - despite obstacles - we've just got to keep our chin up and figure out how to make the best of things. The kind of Lil' Rascals "C'mon kids, let's put on a show" cheerful optimism or the Pollyanna "Glad Game" resilience to tragedy that movies had then. I don't watch violent movies, action-packed movies, car chase movies, Ben Stiller/Jim Carrey; they're just not my thing. Give me a movie with a decently entertaining story of goodness and integrity, throw in some laughter, add a dash of a love story (but keep everyone's clothes on), add in a fun twist ... and I'll get the popcorn started, tea brewing and a blanket at the ready.

Jerry Lewis made me smile, he made me laugh, he made the days lighter and brighter. And no, I'm not French. :-)

****************************************

I promised Carol-of-the-frozen-ground some garden pics. These first three, though, are the lilies my friend Ryann gave to me. The scent just filled my home when I came home each day.

Cymbidium orchids in the courtyard:


Lavender:

Freesias:

Things I like about birthdays

Things I like about birthdays

Going to the mailbox and being surprised with another new card

The variety of cards, some sweet, some funny (fo shizzle, Vic!)

Displaying my birthday cards where they can give me a smile when I see them

Yoga class on my birthday

Getting my very own birthday post from my online decorating buddies filled with such sweet, sweet messages, plus virtual balloons, cupcakes (zero calories!), roses and other goodies

Having birthday wishes posted to my facebook wall from friends new and old

Reading tons of birthday e-mails from family and friends

Getting a birthday call from my brother
Getting a birthday call and song from my other brother

Having my granddaughters call and sing "Happy Birthday"

The beautiful lillies and touching card from my beautiful friend Ryann at the yoga studio

Having a special birthday dinner with my daughter and her family
Enjoying delicious German chocolate cake made by my eldest granddaughter

Don't you love birthdays and being celebrated by those who love you and care about you? Receiving love and good wishes for days and days, smiling at the comments, laughing at the jokes, feeling the caring goodness of others. My cheeks are positively sore tonight from smiling all day long. In yoga class, as I opened my heart, I could feel it filling with love from all the beautiful people in my life, and then I opened my arms wide, lifted my crown chakra to heaven and sent that love forth from my heart to the world ... sparkling, bright, clear images of peace, love and goodness to all beings everywhere.

Thank you, dear friends. You remind me of all the various parts and history of who I am and who I have been. Each of you holds a different piece. I am abundantly grateful to have you share some part of my life's journey with me. How happy you make me!

Namaste

Om Shanti - Peace and all good for 2009

I tend to collect phrases that inspire me or reveal some truth to me or help me along my life's journey. Some I collect in a bound book, jotting down a phrase or a writing that I want to be able to reference again later. Others find their way onto the chalkboard closet doors in my office where I can see them each day and be reminded. Scraps of paper on my desktop or in my purse capture phrases, too, for those moments when the book or the chalkboards aren't handy.

Zen Habits and The Happiness Project have posts about writing your personal commandments. Mine aren't exactly commandments; maybe more like reminders or philosophies I want to reflect on. They're ever-changing, ever-evolving, so I can't really write a definitive list of personal commandments. For instance, like most people, I'm constantly striving for self-improvement: learning greater patience, practicing detachment and simplicity, slowing down, living in the moment and being fully present. I make progress, often slowly, but I keep learning and refining the lessons.


Some random thoughts/guidelines for my personal reflection as we ease into 2009:

***

Live in Harmony ... with others, with the earth, with nature, within myself

Move with the rhythm; let it flow

Practice ahimsa/non-violence - in thought and deed. No evil thoughts, no anger against others; learning gentleness and forgiveness. Avoid anything that's destructive instead of nurturing and gentle. Think Kwai Chang Caine (King Fu)

See the Divine in all things.

Be comfortable with the chaos.

Practice aparigraha/non-attachment - letting go, releasing, non-clinging, without fear of loss or change. "...the yogi makes his life as simple as possible and trains his mind not to feel the loss or the lack of anything. Then everything he really needs will come to him by itself at the proper time." (B.K.S. Iyengar) Also Matthew 6:25-34.

Worrying about tomorrow squanders the joy of today. Don't give energy to anything that you don't want to manifest in your life.

Be a better friend.

Remember that the world sparkles and dances with the Light of the Divine. We all carry that Light within.

Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

Have a sense of wonder! Be ready to be surprised.

Laugh more; don't take it all so seriously.

Live and dance to your own music. Sparkle. Spin with your arms wide open. Embrace all the love in the world.

Happiness is a choice in attitude; it does not require things or others.

Receive what you have been given.

Be fully present to now. The next thing will happen when it happens. (The next thing always happens.)

I do not have a soul; I have a body. My soul is forever, my body only temporary. This is important to remember.

Learn to hold loosely all that is not eternal. - Agnes Royden

Know that you are totally and fully loved. The energy of love is already manifested by anyone who has ever loved you, anyone who loves you now and anyone who will ever love you.

***

May your new year be filled with peace, prosperity and abundance in all things. Enjoy them fully with acceptance and love.

back to the beginning ...

My confident, self-assured granddaughter is reaching the age (nearly 12) where it's starting to be important to "fit in" with her peer group, part of the normal socialization that we humans go through. Thankfully, I'm of an age where "fitting in" is no longer really a concern of mine.

When we're younger, we're more self-conscious about how we look, how we act, what we do, what we have. No one wants to be in the freaks-and-geeks crowd. We're much more self-critical ("I look horrible today!") and we're subconsciously constantly aware of the social cues of others. Oh, the peer pressure of tweens/teens!

I'm of an age where I'm free from worrying about what anyone else thinks, free from worrying about whether I'm attractive enough or thin enough or wearing the right clothes or hairstyle. (I actually leave the house without makeup some days!) I'm much, much more accepting of myself - exactly as I am - than I ever used to be.

Have you seen that Kaiser Permanente commercial with Michelle Shocked's song "When I grow up, I want to be an old woman?" It always makes me want to get up and dance in the living room (and sometimes I just go ahead and do it!) Oh, the joys of being less self-conscious and simply living life unfettered by insecurities and others' expectations. I love it!

When we're born, we're totally free and unencumbered, still filled with light, still connected to heaven, not yet fully embodied into human form. We can still see angels, hear the voices, laugh at "nothing", be utterly delighted for no reason. We can wear silly hats, silly clothes and act silly and everyone thinks we're cute as can be. We don't feel any need to "fit in." We're content simply in being. We accept ourselves and most everyone and everything around us without judgement.

Somehow we lose that along the way. But as I grow older, I find myself reverting closer to my original state. I smile as I drive to work, for no good reason other than I'm happy. And I'm happy for no good reason that I can pin down. The simple act of taking Communion in church or going to yoga fills me with simple contentment. I accept things more easily, release things more easily, judge others less and accept them for who they are.

I know some women who are always asking "What do you think she meant by that?" "Why do you think they did that?", always suspicious, always wary of what others are thinking of them. I'm just so glad to be past all that! I don't put much thought into others' motivations. I've learned that it's not up to me to figure other people out; I need to figure me out. That's all. I find the subject matter more interesting anyway. [wink]

One of my role models is Grandma, 93 years young. She's actually my ex-husband's grandmother, but she remained a part of my life after my divorce, lucky me! When I saw her yesterday, she pulled down her turtleneck to show me her wrinkled neck, totally un-self-conscious. What young woman would willingly point out her flaws and laugh about them? I love that woman!

And I love this age! The body ain't what is used to be, but the spirit is getting closer to what it used to be when I first arrived here. Accepting myself exactly as I am, without reservation, quirks and all.

Namaste

**************************

Speaking of acceptance, I'd like to point you to a wonderful post from Rebecca at Just a Thought, a beautiful tribute to her eccentric dad: http://rebeccarites.blogspot.com/2008/11/memories-are-made-of-these.html . Enjoy!

tagged with love

As usual, it looks like I have some catching up to do. No surprise. Anyone who knows me IRL knows how completely, 100% reliable I am when it comes to time: I can always be counted on to be late. If I show up for yoga before class starts, everyone looks at the clock in surprise, thinking there must be some mistake. My family knows to give me false start times: if an event starts at 1pm, they tell me 12:30pm so I'll get there by 1. All of which is just fine with me. I know it's inconsiderate of others, I know that if I just leave a little earlier, blah blah blah ... I'm a grown woman. I know these things. And yet I'm always late. I consistently underestimate the amount of time things will take; I try to cram one more thing in before I leave the house. Truthfully, being on time isn't that important to me. When I get there, I'll be there. Until then, I won't. If I invite people over and they're late, it doesn't bother me a single bit. They'll get here when they get here and oh what a wonderful time we'll all have then. Time is a manmade concept anyway, a contrived convenience for humans; God doesn't wear a watch.

But I digress (which is making me get started later than I'd wanted to. It's almost midnight here and my modem is acting up on top of it. See what I mean?). I have three things to catch up on from bloggy friends, so let's get to it!

*********************************
First, I received a super-sweet "I love your blog" award from a new blog friend, Rebecca. I'm really glad I discovered her. I absolutely love good, solid, thought-provoking writing. I'll re-read a deliciously written sentence several times (from a book, an article, a blog, whatever); often, too, I'll copy it down so I can read it again at my leisure. Rebecca writes beautifully and skillfully and it's a treat to visit her "Just a Thought" blog. Thank you so very much, Rebecca! You lit up my heart with this!

This award is to be paid forward, so here are the rules and the five that I nominate:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more).
3. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
4. Link to this post and to the person who originally sent you your award.

My five nominees whose blogs I love (I love more than these, though!):

1. Amber
2. Luxie
3. Kat
4. Heather
5. Lisa

********************

My other two can actually be combined. Both Lisa and Carol have tagged me to name some quirky things about myself. (Lisa's said to name 7; Carol's said to name 6. I could name 100, but I think I'll try to stick with just 6.) Then I'm supposed to name 6 (or 7) others to tag and have them do the same. It's very late and I'm very sleepy and besides, most everyone I follow has already been tagged and exposed their quirks for all to see. (Personally, I love quirks. I've always hoped to grow up to be a character; you know, someone that others mention with a smile and say "ah, she's such a character.")

So here goes with my list of 6 quirky things about me:

1. I can't wear a watch. They stop on me. Always have. When I was young, mom tried wristwatches, necklace watches, ring watches. They all stopped working within a couple of hours. I'd take them off and put them on the dresser and some time later, I'd find that they were working again. Tick-tick-tick. Several people have told me they experience the same thing or know someone who has. I've tested this using others' watches and had the same result. I haven't tested it in years, though. (See above about time measurement not being important to me.)

2. I think we all can hear the voice of God if we just sit quietly and listen from time to time. Prayer is us talking to God; quiet meditation is us listening to God. We all need that quiet space.

3. Being near a lot of leather makes me physically uncomfortable. Leather smells like death to me. I can wander in a furniture showroom and if I start feeling uncomfortable and queasy, I know I'm near a leather sofa.

4. When I lose something, I don't fret and worry. I feel that if I'm supposed to find it, I'll find it when I'm supposed to find it. Worrying or getting anxious doesn't change the result. Last week, I lost my cellphone headset. Calmly looked throughout the car several times. Three days later, I found it in a spot that I'd checked several times previously. I wasn't surprised.

5. When I drink from a paper coffee cup or beverage cup, the seam of the cup has to be at the back where my fingertips hold the cup (like the laces on a football). If it has a coffee sleeve, the seam of the sleeve also has to be at the back. I will twist the lid and the sleeve around until this is so.

6. My closet is organized by sleeve length, then by color. Tanks sorted from light to dark, then s/s tees, etc. Same with my skirts and slacks. And there are no extra hangers. Makes things so much easier. I find things easily when getting dressed in the morning. When I wear my red tee, its hanger remains in the spot in my closet where the red tee goes. After I've washed it, the red tee hanger is right there for the red tee. I like things simple.

********************
And with that, I'm off to bed! I hope you have a wonderfully, quirky week with cherished characters who make you smile.

A bride, a beach, a ballet, a baby ...

A bride ...

Saturday morning as I got in my car after yoga, I glanced down at the car mat and noted the sand scattered across the dark fibers. I smiled and felt happiness fill my heart. The sand was from Thursday, when my friends married each other on the sand in Laguna Beach.

What a beautiful ceremony it was, outdoors, under God's blue skies, the ocean waves crashing on the shore, Laguna's dark cliffs rising behind us. The bride wore a beautiful creamy gown that flowed over her like milk; the groom, a shirt and shorts. My bare toes wiggled in the sand as the minister presided over the ceremony, his words sometimes drowned out by the roar of the waves. White buckets of brightly colored gerbera daisies formed a circle around the happy couple as they vowed to live and love together always. The couple and the setting made this among the most beautiful ceremonies I've witnessed. May God bless them with a lifetime of joy together.


A ballet ...

Saturday afternoon, the Kirov performed Giselle, one of my favorite story ballets. Light and ethereal, I found myself completely lost in the dance, oblivious to anyone else around me in the darkened theater. My dear friend and I have had tickets to the dance season at the performing arts center for many years; getting together several times a year to enjoy these performances is something we both look forward to. Giselle is a classic story ballet in the Marius Petipa tradition, replete with incredible battement sequences so precise, they seem nearly impossible and soaring jetes with the dancer lingering so long in suspension you can almost hear the audience stop breathing in awe. The Kirov, a Russian company, does the classics beautifully. And it was pure pleasure to enjoy it with my dear friend.

A baby ...

Immediately following the ballet, I was off to a baby shower for a friend. The mom-to-be is a gifted salsa dancer and former teacher of mine. One of the other shower guests is also a former salsa teacher of mine. Both of them were members of Los Rumberos, a noted LA dance company. They've traveled the world performing for audiences in a number of different countries, and are noted instructors in the LA salsa world. To say I am a huge admirer of each of them would be a huge understatement. Oh, if only I could dance like them - fiery and sharp, electrifying and sexy. The mom-to-be looked gorgeous and healthy, glowing with her pregnancy. It was fantastic to be with them and laugh and share in the joy of the new baby girl that will arrive in early December.

What a magical weekend this was, sharing such wonderful times with such good friends! My heart is glowing with happiness. I feel so blessed and filled with gratitude for these friendships that enrich my life.

Namaste.

Friends of a feather ...

Feathers in sage "tubes" from Paul

I think the youngest of us was 18 and the oldest 21 when we all first met. But when we did meet, through a mutual friend, we all just clicked and became the best of friends: me, my then-husband and six guys who were already friends. We shared a bend-over-and-hold-your-stomach sense of humor, a quick wit, a teasing (only mildly insulting) sarcasm. No sacred cows; every topic was fair game. We all became instant, closely knit, do-everything-together friends. Some friendships are like that.

Very soon, the guys were at our house most every night. It was like a family; we'd eat together, talk, play music, watch TV, play backgammon, go to the store, play "washers" in the backyard and laugh and just completely enjoy the ease and comfort of good, close friendships. When one of the boys came over, they just walked right in; it would seem weird if they were to knock on the door and wait to be let in. They weren't guests; they were family. It was the late 70s and we were free spirits, late hippies (I wore halter tops and macramed large wall hangings for the living room - LOL!), enjoying the freedom and fun of being young and happy/hippy. In the summer, Fridays after work would find us spontaneously decide to drive out to the river for the weekend. None of us had any "real" money; we barely had "real" jobs. But we had "real" fun together, sitting on the river or at a river bar by day, all of us sleeping in the van together in the campground by night.

It's said that people come into our lives for a reason, or a season, or a lifetime. Over the years, there were marriages, babies, divorces. The guys each got married, one by one; some of us were in the weddings. As we all started families, we didn't see each other as often as before, but we were still the closest of friends ... although we knocked on the front doors now, in consideration of the spouses, you know. A few of the friends moved on to other life situations and other locales. When my husband left in 1980, I was lucky enough to keep the friends.

There are four of us now who still stay in touch, who still call or visit, usually at my place. The guys don't knock at my place; they never have. Walk in, big hug, big kiss, big smiles all over the place! They were all over at my place yesterday and we had fun all afternoon and evening, eating, talking, laughing, playing backgammon. I'd forgotten how men can eat! Good thing I ordered a sandwich platter because they ate every single one and it was good to see them helping themselves, so at home in my home, as they alway are and always have been. I'm not a hostess when they visit (I didn't even bother with shoes yesterday); they know where everything is, or they know to ask, and they just help themselves. (One of them even installed a new toilet flapper for me just before he left. Yay!)

I'll sometimes stand aside and just watch them talking and joking and I smile all the way to my liver, utterly contented and filled with love. I love these three wonderful, terrific, loving, caring, hilariously funny men that I've shared a friendship with for over 30 years. For some reason, we all just clicked.

drink your tea slowly ...

Drink your tea slowly and reverently,
as if it is the axis
on which the world earth revolves
- slowly, evenly, without
rushing toward the future;
Live the actual moment.
Only this moment is life.

- Thich Nhat Hahn

Like so many of us, I live a rather hectic life. My workdays are usually 10 hours, working against deadlines, juggling multiple projects, dealing with client expectations, which can change from day to day. Most weekdays, I'm not home until after 9:30pm, either because I go straight from work to yoga or I go to visit my daughter and family over an hour away. I never make dinner; there's no time and it's too late. With such a packed week, all the chores are usually crammed into the weekend.

Some weekends, though, I try to claim for myself. These are weekends where I feel the need to do nothing, despite my lists of cleaning and fixing and planting; of oiling the chairs on the patio, posting my excess on Craigslist, replacing the worn flap on the toilet. I just want to recharge my batteries, to decompress, to release and renew - and ignore the nagging of those lists. They can wait.

This past Saturday was one of those days. I felt lazy most of the day, happily, contentedly lazy. I did a few little things after my morning walk and my yoga class - played piano in a contented reverie - but mostly I just hung out in my courtyard doing a bit of plant clean-up, reading, sitting and thinking – just being ... and just being happy. My heart was just filled with gratitude for everything: for the home that keeps me sheltered; for the courtyard garden with the white butterflies fluttering about and the little birds drinking from the fountain; for the water that comes right out of the tap just by turning a lever; for the ability to choose when and what I will eat, at whatever time I am hungry; for the washer and dryer that clean and dry my clothes with so little effort on my part. I am abundantly grateful for the abundance and ease in my life.

On my lazy Saturday, I felt very much "in the moment." No rushing about, no calls or e-mails to answer. I felt fully present to the air, the sun, the sky; to life.

We only really live in the present moment. We don't live in the future; it's not here yet, so we cannot live in it. And yet, we sometimes invest considerable stress and worry about an imagined future that may or may not come to pass. More likely than not, when the future becomes the present, it's very different than we imagined it would be.

Drink your tea slowly and reverently ...

We don't live in the past, either. Those hurts and disappointments, events and feelings are not in the present moment where our breath and our heartbeat are. Too often, though, we stuff our sorrows and our victimhood over past events into a big old knapsack and hoist the full weight of it all over a worn shoulder. Thus encumbered by events from long ago - events that are done and gone - we face the purity and freshness of our present moment burdened and stooped under the load, as if we've forgotten that it's our choice whether to carry those burdens forward with us ... or to release them and fly freely like an untethered balloon through the air of now, feeling how much lighter and clearer everything is, how the sunlight sparkles, how the white butterflies dance, and how our heart shines throughout our being.

Live the actual moment.

There really is only this present moment. And then it passes ... and now we're in this present moment. We are not past, we are not future. We are truly only present. It's good to take time to get off the hamster wheel that life can become and just Be; happily, contentedly lazy if that suits you in the moment, noticing each breath and each butterfly and filled with gratitude.

Only this moment is life.

"Today is my birthday!"

"Today is my birthday!" I've been happily telling everyone today (Friday, February 15). I've just felt so glowingly happy today, like a 7-year-old at her birthday party. I brought brownies in to work and asked everyone to help me celebrate my birthday. I got such nice notes and in-person birthday wishes from folks. Our Flex programming superstar even brought me a Starbucks mocha and a hug. *smile*

Daughter and granddaughters all sent birthday wishes. Daughter's went someting like "Happy birthday to you! cha-cha-cha! Happy birthday to you! cha-cha-cha! ... " and ended with "Smooches!" The grands love those Hoops and Yo-Yo Hallmark e-cards, so I got some great chuckles from the e-cards they sent, too. (I'm grinning right now; those cards are so silly-silly, you can't help it. Go take a look ... ) My brothers, my dad, cousins, various friends - all sent greetings, cards, gifts. I belong to an online group and the great members there posted absolutely wonderfully uplifting greetings! Those really gave a lift to my heart today, too!

I worked until 7:30, then went to church for a Lenten presentation on living your faith out loud. It started at 7, so I missed nearly an hour of it, but the last hour was pretty wonderful. Very entertaining talk by an enormously entertaining Irish priest. Irish priests always seem to be able to tell the best stories! My dear friend was there; my goddaughter (her daughter) was there, too, and I told my goddaughter's friends "Today's my birthday!" and they laughed and gave me hugs, too.

The priest told a story that pretty much sums up the way I've felt today, a story about the real gifts a person receives. The good wishes, the books, CDs, cards, gift baskets - they aren't the real gift. They are expressions of the real gift. The real gift is the thoughtfulness of others, the time and care they took to extend themselves to me. They could have continued about their day with no harm done. But, instead, they reached out with thoughtful kindness and expressed the loveliest sentiments; they took a moment to engage with another human being to try to make a person happy and bring a smile to my face. The human family is just pretty darned wonderful.

For years, I never made a big deal about my birthday - seldom told anyone, barely acknowledged it myself. Boy, was I missing out! For the last couple of years, I've been celebrating and telling everyone with excitement "Today is my birthday!" There is so much joy in saying that and in seeing others engage in the excitement of a birthday. I think people actually like to wish others a "Happy Birthday!" You can't tell someone "Happy Birthday!" without smiling yourself! It's just such a warm fuzzy, isn't it?

It's just been a marvelous day, from beginning to end. Happy Birthday to me! yay! yay!

reflections and intentions

I open the top drawer of the entertainment center to put away the candle lighter and - mmmmmmmmm! - I pause for a few seconds, close my eyes and take a loooooong, deep breath. mmmmmmmmm! I smile. I'm happy in that "I don't quite know what I'm so happy about but I just am", satisfied, contented way.

This is the drawer where I keep candles with soft scents of lavender and jasmine, and others with names like Rain and Heaven. All soft, not strong or overpowering. Inside the drawer are also several types of incense: a favorite is a temple incense that seems to change its perfume as it burns. And there's pinon incense shaped in a rectangular tablet, Nag Champa incense sticks and lavender cones. Is it odd to have a favorite drawer in one's home? Especially one that puts your heart and spirit in such a happy place just by opening it and breathing in such gentle, aromatic scents? Oh, the power of scent to evoke such a beautiful response!

Truth is, though, I was happy before opening it, in that satisfied, contented way. I had cleaned my home top to bottom to welcome in the new year, moving things around, fixing up stuff, tending to little chores that I tend to overlook like scrubbing the kitchen cabinet doors and rotating the mattress. (In my defense, it's rather awkward to try to flip that full-size mattress by myself, so I don't do it as often as I probably should.) I did a couple of fixes, replaced the harp on a lamp, organized some jewelry and tossed a couple of bags of trash and some shipping boxes. Baseboards were scrubbed, carpet edges vacuumed, floors mopped, the front walkway swept. All I needed was a pretty little apron to complete the picture. There was even a vase of pink peonies in the kitchen window.

That night, the eve of 2008, I burned some sage given to me by a dear friend, letting the smoke waft through the house, sneaking into those very clean corners and those empty spaces freed of clutter. I thought about the intentions I wanted to set for my life, the changes I'd like to make, the growth I'd like to see. That night, I fell asleep with prayers still on my lips, happily curled up in my warm bed and so thankful for its comfort and ease.

The space clearing is symbolic of my intentions. For example, clearing clutter from my home, I want to clear clutter from my thoughts and enjoy greater clarity and understanding. Tossing my excess, I energetically release those things that do not serve a higher purpose in my life. I's all just symbolism and setting intentions, giving careful consideration and being fully present in the moment. Hitting the pause button in order to engage and experience with the fullness of my being.

I thought of the things I'd accomplished in 2007, the challenges that I'd addressed. I'm grateful to recognize that I'm doing better in some areas, I improved some this past year and can handle difficult situations (like being laid off) with calm acceptance and can see the joy and opportunity in experiencing change. I also paid attention to areas that are great opportunities for improvement, areas in behaviors and responses where I can seek a higher path and break old patterns. I'm much more in touch with my inner Kwai Chang Caine. Oh, and I've made new friends who offer their kindness and friendship in such caring ways.

It's funny how the turn of a calendar page prompts such introspection and reflection among people the world over. May your 2008 be one with happy, new discoveries and wonderful adventure, filled with love and goodness.

Lokah Samasta Sukinoh Bhavantu: May all beings everywhere be happy and free.

Namaste - and happy 2008!

PS. Christmas music and photos up through the 12 days of Christmas (til Jan. 6). Blessed Christmas!

The happy hubbub of the holidays!

This past week has been filled with such holiday fun!

Last Thursday - company Christmas party with yummy tapas appetizers and beverages. I won a $50 Best Buy gift card in the raffle!

Friday - a best friend had her annual holiday Open House. Fabulous time! Tons of amazing food, holiday decor in every nook and cranny, including the ceiling, and a lot of old - and new - friends gathered to celebrate

Saturday - took my grands to see a wonderful play, La Posada Magica. This is our third consecutive year seeing this wonderful, funny, Latin-themed, audience-participation, musical play. We'll be back next year, too!

Sunday - Christmas brunch at my house so we could all celebrate Christmas with my dad. I'm used to preparing food for one person, so cooking for 15 is challenging and brunch started about an hour later than planned. Everyone had a wonderful time, pitching in to help, setting up tables and chairs, laughing, teasing. We exchanged gifts: CDs by the Doors, Beatles, Emmylou Harris, Marvin Gaye; books (Uncrowned King: The Life of Prince Albert, A Thousand Splendid Suns); DVDs (a couple of French films, Orson Welles' Touch of Evil) and other assorted gifts. After brunch and gifts, everyone munched on goodies for dessert (my daughter makes great fudge!), and I played Christmas carols and songs on the piano while folks young and old all sang along. Such a wonderful Dickensian scene!

Monday - baked cookies and tried to recover from the previous few days! I can usually manage the fibromyalgia and spondylolisthesis pretty well with periodic rest and exercise, but by Sunday I was pretty pooped and my body was "talking" to me about it!

Tuesday - blessed Christmas! I drove to my daughter's home to celebrate with her family and open gifts. My oldest grand did a beautiful painting for me; she's a talented artist! Later, I drove to my brother and sister-in-law's home for Christmas dinner with them and my sister-in-law's close family. A great meal, great conversation and the perfect ending to a wonderful week!

I hope you and yours had a wonderfully blessed Christmas!

dancing with my Self ...

Golden moments -

You know those times during the week when you are suddenly very consciously aware of how very happy and content you are? When you look up and see the world frozen for a split second and you find your heart simply glowing with happiness?

When it happens, it's as if I'm going through my day, and then someone turns on a beacon of golden light that makes me stop, lift my head from whatever I was occuped with, and take notice with absolute clarity. I breathe. I smile. I AM HAPPY. The feeling floods through me and fills me up. And these golden moments usually happen when I'm with family and friends, the people I love.

This past weekend was filled with those golden moments, lucky girl that I am. On Friday, my friend and dance instructor, X, had a dance mixer at his dance studio. I haven't seen X in a few months, and haven't taken lessons or been in his studio for even longer. In his e-mail about the mixer, he also said that one of my favorite salsa instructors and a good friend, Zuly, would be there, too, and that her salsa performing group would be performing. woo-hoo! I called a friend who wants to learn salsa and needed a night out, picked her up and we went to the studio. I was grinning ear-to-ear the entire time. X always has such great parties; he taught salsa, merengue and cha-cha lessons at various times during the night, he had a fun contest, there was the performance (which was fabulous! Zuly is an outstanding choreographer who uses the entire body so amazingly) - it was non-stop fun, and my friend got her feet wet in learning the basics of latin dance. Plus I ran into several old dance friends!

Saturday night, one of my "forever friends" had a gathering at his place for our group. (Chris, Glenn, Paul and I have been super-tight friends for over 30 years, from way back when we'd hang out with each other every day; a regular sitcom we were.) All I have to do is step into a room with these guys and the beacon comes on and I'm standing there grinning. We have always bantered and teased mercilessly and we haven't stopped yet. Thrust and parry, bob and weave - we'd be in mid-conversation when someone would fling some barb and we'd all be on the floor laughing. Super-smart guys, we can hold an intelligent, well-considered conversation - between bouts of laughter - and enjoy one another's company so much, that the conversation is effortless. We have such a wealth of shared experience together and almost our own shorthand way of being together, that's it's like wearing your favorite pajamas.

Sunday afternoon, my daughter had a combination housewarming party and 30th birthday party. Yes, my munchkin, who looks like she's still 14, is turning 30 today, December 6. This was the first time that her family and her husband's family would be coming out to see their new home. Daughter spent two days cleaning, decorating and cooking and she did a fabulous job, with chili verde, chicken enchiladas, beans and spanish rice, all made from scratch. (Her beans tasted just like my mom's; delicious!) As members of both families were happily jabbering away with one another and eating, I looked at them all and felt so happy. I looked at Daughter, gathering the compliments on her new home, and I was happy.

Each night this week, I've lit my 1st Advent Candle, the candle of Hope. With the rest of the house in darkness and only that small purple candle lit, I've gazed into its flame and talked with my God, peace and contentment filling my heart as I watch the Light flicker against the dark.

In these golden moments, I feel happiness. I also feel complete freedom. Freedom from want, freedom from desire. I want nothing else in this moment; I am not in need. It's just all so perfect. Nothing to add, nothing to subtract. Nothing to do, nothing to undo. I imagine this is partly what Heaven might feel like, where we lack nothing and have no wants or needs.

May you enjoy plenty of golden moments this first week of Advent. Namaste.

This could be good ...

I had the interview yesterday with the Web development company. I'd really like to work there and hope that they feel I'm the right candidate for the position. The work would be very similar to work I'd done in a previous company, project management on automotive Web properties, so could be a smooth transition. My skills and experience in IT management, team supervision, Web development, automotive and leadership provide a strong background for the role; everything I've done in the past has lead me to here and could prove valuable in the position.

I'm really trying to avoid the word "want" in relationship to this. "Want" indicates lack, and my life certainly doesn't lack. I have abundant happiness in my life; a satisfying job would be really great to add to it. My happiness and joy and light are independent of whether or not I land this position. Happiness does not depend on external factors; it is something we carry within ourselves, a yogic bliss that goes with us wherever we are.

A job with this company would be wonderful, and I did the work I needed to do in preparation for the interview. I researched, I role-played with my brother who made himself available late Sunday night to help me, I practiced, wrote possible questions and scenarios, even bought a new outfit that I would feel good in and that helped me to feel confident.

I interviewed with four people one-on-one, and I think the discussions went well. It was late in the day, though, and their workdays were winding down; I didn't get the meatier situational and behavioral questions I'd anticipated, but the questions and discussions were good and I felt a positive energy. I have sent my thank-you e-mails to the people I spoke with. I've e-mailed two of my former co-workers who are currently employed with this company in another office and asked them to e-mail their recommendations attesting to the quality of my work.

Now it is in God's hands. If this is where I am supposed to be, then I will be there. If not, then God has a different, better place for me to continue my journey. I am loved, I am happy and this has been a great experience to prepare for the interview and to get to know the people at the company. All these things are positive and fill me with joy. I will be where God wants me to be, carrying my happiness wherever I land.

Namaste