be here now

“Redemption and resurrection are neither words nor objects of belief. They are our daily practice. We practice in such a way that Buddha is born every moment of our daily life, that Jesus Christ is born every moment of our daily life.”
—from Going Home, Thich Nhat Hanh

I pray all my Jewish friends had a blessed Passover. (I just learned from my friend Laura that the Hebrew name is Pesach. Thank you, Laura.) And I pray that all my Christian friends had a blessed Easter.

Thich Nhat Hahn reminds us that Easter (or Passover) should be more than just a date on the calendar, more than a beautiful celebration and memorable time spent with family and friends on a lovely spring day. The events and teachings should be something that we live each and every day; redemption and resurrection should be in every moment and in every breath.  Our grateful hearts should reflect Divine unconditional love to others and to ourselves.

Each Christmas, I watch Heidi; each Easter season, I watch Jesus Christ Superstar. The movie really opens my heart to a better understanding of the human side of the story, both of the Jews and of Jesus himself. I could relate to the emotions and desires of a people that are occupied by foreign invaders, persecuted and fearful. In “Heaven on their Minds,” Judas (wonderfully played by Carl Anderson) sings:

Listen Jesus, do you care for your race?
Don't you see we must keep in our place?
We are occupied
Have you forgotten how put down we are?

Judas was fearful that Jesus and all the Messiah talk would get them all killed. Understanding the human aspect of the story makes it more than a story for me; the people become more real, their emotions become more heartfelt for me. (Ask my family: when Jesus is whipped - with Pilate crying out “Twenty-one! Twenty-two! …” - I dissolve into tears.) The redemption and resurrection become more personal.

I continue to pick up on and learn different things from the movie. In “What’s the Buzz,” the disciples want to know what’s happening, what’s next. They’ve started a movement; where do they take it now? Jesus (played by the utterly amazing Ted Neeley) reminds them:

Why should you want to know?
Don't you mind about the future.
Don't you try to think ahead.
Save tomorrow for tomorrow;
Think about today instead.

Be here now. What a wonderful lesson! Live each day with Heaven on our minds, with Divine love and joy in every moment of every day. The future will unfold, whether we worry about it or not. Release any worry; inhale love and beauty. Everything we have is in this precious moment. Cherish it. See the beauty. Smell the wonder. Smile from deep inside, knowing peace and calm. Save tomorrow for tomorrow. Be here now.

Halleluia!

Of Advent, anticipation and acceptance

Advent is a time of joyful anticipation, a space to slow down, prepare, go within and examine our hearts and souls, finding a home in our hearts for the spirit of the season; for many of us, for the love of a Savior, a new King. In the midst of holiday hustle and bustle, shopping, decorating, baking, parties, it can be hard to consider Advent being a slowing down time. I used to get caught up in all the chaos until I started focusing on the Advent aspect of this time of year. Eventually, I learned to plan and organize so that I can slow down during Advent. My trick? I take the week off after Thanksgiving, do my shopping (mostly online), write out my cards, do my holiday decorating and spend time preparing my inner life while the outer life around me buzzes with Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays, extended shopping hours, sweater sales and people frantically trying to find the perfect toy. That week allows me to get things done and frees up my time for the rest of the season so I can be more thoughtful, less hurried, more prepared. I remove myself from all the holiday chaos, intentionally, purposefully, planfully.

And that was the plan this year. I took the week off – and promptly became very ill the day after Thanksgiving. I was sick with fever, sweat, chills, nausea – oh, so sick! I lost 14.5 lbs in 4 days. I did manage to get the online shopping done toward the and of the week, but the cards didn’t get mailed, the decorating didn’t get done and three weeks later, I’m still recovering, with a lingering cough and an uncertain tummy.

Life happens and we have to adapt and adjust our plans accordingly, trusting that everything will turn out the way that it’s supposed to. I think of a young girl betrothed to be married, making her plans to become a wife. But all the plans change when her entire world is tossed upside down by the appearance of an angel with a remarkable, fantastical story. I think of a carpenter, betrothed to a girl who we understand to be faith-filled, good and virtuous. Then plans change when he is told that this good girl is pregnant—and not by him, which, according to the laws of the day, could result in her being stoned as punishment. Instead of having her stoned for her betrayal, he decides to quietly divorce her. But plans change again (another angel!) and he takes her as his wife. The lives that they had planned together took a wild, unexpected, unplanned detour. Yet with deep faith they trusted that everything would turn out the way it was supposed to turn out in some unknown way.

Faith is not rigid, unyielding. Faith requires flexibility, an adaptive spirit, the ability to go with the flow. Faith requires accepting the possibility of change, that things may not go the way we’d planned. We can’t stay attached to the plans when circumstances change; rigid attachment creates misery and unhappiness. We have to release our expectations and be flexible to whatever comes up.

Although I didn’t accomplish all I wanted to during my vacation week, I did slow down during Advent nonetheless, editing my plans to suit my changed circumstances, giving up a little in order to gain the peace and calm that nourishes me at Advent. Trusting with deep faith that everything would turn out the way it is supposed to turn out.

 
I wish you and yours the deep, abiding peace, love and happy joy of the season!

Love,

Rose

On my nightstand …

Do you enjoy reading? Growing up, my parents, brothers and I were voracious readers, heading to the library each Saturday, returning home with the maximum number of books we were allowed to check out and repeating the cycle again the following Saturday. We’d sometimes negotiate with one another at the library: “You check out those and I’ll check out these and then we’ll switch.” We read a wide variety of topics in books, magazines (from Readers Digest to MAD Magazine), comic books; consumed the Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz series, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew; classics like Call of the Wild, Little Women, Walden; history, wars, political intrigue, mysteries, Egyptology, dance, music – we’d read under the covers after Mom told us to turn out the light. (I think of a lot of us did that! ha!)

I go through spurts of interests in my reading. At one point, I was primarily reading business books along the lines of In Search of Excellence; at another stage, I read classics that I’d missed (Grapes of Wrath); and at another, I indulged in Latino authors and stories.

Lately, my reading has mostly been regarding spirituality and our yearning to connect with the Divine. There is such a wealth of reading available and many of my like-minded friends have wonderful recommendations that I keep adding to my list.

Right now on my nightstand are four wonderful books that I’ve recently completed reading.

- The Yoga of Jesus draws beautiful, rich parallels between the teachings of Jesus Christ and those of the ancient yogis. Examining Christian teachings through a yogic viewpoint provided greater clarity and a deeper understanding; I read this slowly, pondering and absorbing, going back to re-read sections. A beautiful, enriching experience.

- In Your Truest Self, Jan Lundy interviews 12 inspiring spiritual women and identifies 12 spiritual principles to help us strip away the false ego and identities we’ve manufactured and to reach inside to the truest and most authentic version of who we are. There are thoughts to ponder, reflections and exercises to aid our journeys. I love the stories of the 12 women and was inspired by the way their personal belief systems helped them through very challenging situations.

- Happy Yoga – possibly my favorite book ever! This is the third time I’ve read this book, it’s that amazing. It’s not about physical yoga, so much; it’s about how to be happy! I think that just about every word in this book resonates with me. The first time I read it, some of the ideas and principles were very new to me but felt so right, like a personal discovery that I’d known all along but that had been hidden from me until I read this book. Reading Happy Yoga always gives me profound joy!

- Anam Cara is by Celtic poet John O’Donohue and if you’ve ever listened to his audiotapes, you’ll find yourself hearing his smoothly lilting Celtic voice in the prose. The language is utterly beautiful, each word like consuming the finest meal and drink. O’Donohue’s love for Celtic mystical thought shines forth and he brings you into a world of deeply ancient truths, of harmony with all that is Divine.

And now I’m re-reading The Four Agreements, a book of simple, practical guidance that challenges me to be more mindful and operate from a different state of heart.

What’s on your nightstand? Any recommendations you’d like to offer? Which reminds me: I need to renew my library card!

remembering that it’s temporary …

"Have you ever stopped to consider, Rose, that due to your eternal nature,
you, and everyone else, live forever?

Of course you have.

And therefore, have you realized that in the truest sense,
everyone beats cancer, aids, and starvation?"

~ The Universe

I subscribe to daily posts from tut.com; loving, brief messages that remind me of my divine nature. And I just loved this message!

I believe we are eternal, that we only (very) temporarily manifest in a physical form as we are now. It is beautiful and joyful to consider that, as eternal beings, we will be wonderfully free of every ailment, every sorrow for all eternity. I’ve carried sorrow in my heart the past couple of months and I found this message a good reminder to focus on the joy in each moment; to find the peace and calm in every focused breath. Although each loss and grief is tragic while we endure them, they are mercifully temporary. All suffering is temporary. Hallelujah for that!

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
~ C. S. Lewis

To those touched by sorrow …

Being the Pollyanna that I am (“let’s play the Glad Game!”), I simply don’t understand the depth of despair and darkness that one must be in to take one’s own life. What a horrible place to be in! Without hope that things will ever get better, in such mortal pain that even knowing that others will be enormously hurt by the act of suicide doesn’t dissuade the person from ending his or her life.

What makes the people of Haiti—many pulled from the rubble, many with amputated limbs, many with no homes or businesses to go to—what makes the Haitians able to continue to struggle on, even to sing as it’s been reported? What makes the Amish families who lost their daughters in a heartless massacre capable of not only coping, but to find forgiveness in their hearts and move on through the pain? What makes any of us reach the depths of despair … yet still trust that things will change, that we won’t always be in this dark place, that even in the worst of circumstances, there is still hope?

And yet others who appear to be in less dire circumstances (emphasizing appear) are incapable of coping and making it through to the next minute. What makes one person resilient and another person fall apart? If we only knew.

I can only sense that it must be beyond any pain that I can possibly imagine, a place where a person feels they have no other option left. My prayers go out to the Osmond and Koenig families as their hearts cry in sorrow for their losses. May grace and peace touch their hearts during this time.

It was 20 years ago …

On February 24, 1990, Mom’s physical body died of a massive heart attack, releasing her spiritual self fully, no longer tethered and limited by the physical needs and limitations of a flesh -and-blood body. It’s hard to imagine what that moment of release must be like, but I sense that it’s a glorious and wonderful moment of immense joy and love. I hope it was—and is—that way for Mom and for all our loved ones who have loosed their earthly bonds and transcended the physical world. 

There are those who believe this physical life is all there is and there’s nothing after the body dies. That’s their personal truth. My personal truth is what C. S. Lewis wrote:

“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”

It occurred to me earlier that when Mom was alive, our relationship was with both of us in physical form; pretty easy to communicate. Currently, one of us is in a physical body and one of us purely spiritual energy; more challenging to communicate. Eventually, our relationship will be with both of us in purely spiritual form; this will probably be the easiest to communicate, with no egos involved, just pure love. That will be pretty incredible, assuming that I have any of this right at all. It’s just something I got a sense of earlier and it seemed like an interesting thought to consider.

Senses – For those who are sensitive to such things, have you ever noticed that sometimes a scent, or a taste, or a touch of breeze can suddenly bring to mind someone who has crossed over? For me, it’s often through my senses that I get a sense of a loved one’s presence. Sometimes, though, there’s no obvious trigger that causes me to sense someone. I’ll be doing something random and my Tia will pop into my head and cause me to smile, sensing her love and maybe smelling her tortillas on the stove. On Saturday, one of my little cousins was wearing a dress with a bow in back and I sensed my Tio Luis and remembered—as if it was happening in present time—how I always preferred that he tie the bow on my dress as a little girl. His brown workman’s fingers were gnarled and twisted; that’s just the way I always knew them, even when he was playing piano. I didn’t know what arthritis was and never really gave a thought as to why his fingers were like that. But with those crooked, bent fingers he’d take his time and tie a big, full, absolutely perfectly straight bow on my dress. Gorgeous!

I took flowers to the cemetery on Sunday to honor my mom and the anniversary of her passage. A lot of people don’t like cemeteries; many say we should bring flowers while our loved ones are still alive. I did bring Mom flowers, and other gifts, too, during her world life. (I read that the Sufis distinguish between “world life” and “soul life.”) One of the first gifts I chose and bought for her was a small plastic statue of the Virgin bought from the religious goods store after catechism one Saturday morning. In my mind, I can still see it on the windowsill where it sat for years and years. Over time, we used to buy one another “for no reason” gifts; I’d see a vase I think she’d like, she’d see a sweater perfect for me. (She was always trying to get me to wear a sweater.)

Since she’s living her soul life, though, I can’t buy her a Mother’s Day card or a vase or a pair of earrings. (What use would she have for these anyway?) But I can honor her by taking flowers to the place where we buried the body she used to hold me, to kiss me, to care for me and for all she loved. And I can sit in the sun, scrubbing her headstone with love and respect, spraying it with polish and rubbing and rubbing until the stone is gleaming. I can clear out the overgrown grass and leaves, put fresh water in the container and trim the flower stems to fit. I can kneel and pray and thank her for her presence in my life, for the way she taught me about the Divine and about love, and good times with family and friends. I can let the sun warm my skin … and I can sense her presence when I feel the breeze unexpectedly growing stronger and running through my hair as I kneel and pray—a caress from my mom, my beloved mom. My heart fills with love. 

The woman in church …

I entered church a few minutes before Mass started, trusting that since I was early, I’d be able to find a seat. Looking around, I didn’t see any readily available so I stood at the back of the church, scanning the pews for a place to sit. I knew my friend, Vic, would be sitting in her usual spot but I couldn’t see her when I looked in that direction.

So, I stood in the back, still scanning. My back had been hurting (I have spondylolisthesis) and sitting would be so much better than standing. I spotted my friend up front but was there room next to her? Not really sure if there was room between her and the man on her right. Mass started and so I stayed put for now, thinking I might move down there in a few minutes.

A young woman sidled in to stand next to me. I was very aware of her presence there, maybe even a tad annoyed that she was standing so closely to me. Then I heard her cry. Softly … a sniffle at first … then barely-heard gulps of air … and then quiet sobs. Her head dropped and I could feel her energy withdraw from the Mass and flow deeply into her sorrow. I could see her quiet tears drop toward the floor.

The annoyance of my human nature swept away, and I felt a deep compassion for her, my divine nature coming forward. I didn’t need to know the cause of her tears; I only knew that she was in deep, soul-engulfing sorrow, something so familiar, I felt I was feeling it with her.

I felt a lightness through my crown chakra, flowing down and opening up my heart. Instinctively, I moved in front of her and wrapped her in my arms as she cried even harder. And we just stood there like that - just being - just being present to one another.

As her tears subsided, she whispered, her head still down on my shoulder, “My mom died this morning.” And then we both cried some more.

She briefly shared her story in whispers there at the back of the church, a story much more important in that moment than the Mass that was being celebrated. Others would hold the Mass energy for us for few moments; I knew that I was to be a good servant, that I was part of a Divine purpose.

Later, after Communion, as we returned back to our spots, a new wave of quiet crying washed over her. She hadn’t slept in two days, staying by her mother’s bedside as her mom moved forward in her own personal journey. I found some tissues for her and she knelt in private prayer.

At the end of Mass, we shared another hug and she thanked me over and over, saying that I had been her angel in her time of need.

As a child, I was sometimes overwhelmed with the depth of God’s unconditional love for us. I found it immensely hard to fathom, like trying to think of the universe, the Big Bang, or trying to think of a time before the earth was created. It could make my head hurt to think of the amazing Love we’re given, freely, no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn that Love. I can’t do anything that will make the Divine not love me any more. I will always and constantly and abundantly be loved. No conditions.

And so, my child-self would pray to God to please give me opportunities in my life to be His servant, place me where He needs me to be to serve others, to let me release my own ego and simply be what He needs me to be for others. (I’d hoped at one point to be a cloistered nun, living in a cloister and spending my days praying for peace and goodness and Love in the world.) And so the Divine has presented opportunities all throughout my life, and each time I recognize it as the answer to my child prayer. Not to earn Love; I already have it. But to share my connection with that Love by being a servant for others, gratefully, lovingly.

I read a story once where a child asked a kind stranger if he was an angel. Nope, he answered. Sometimes God’s angels are so busy, they use humans to help out. And we’re only too happy to serve.

Trust ...

One night last week as I slipped into bed and prepared to read for a bit before going to sleep, I noticed how brilliant the moon was outside my bedroom window. Turning off the bedside lamp, I laid there looking at the moon, thinking. And praying.

"God?" I asked.
"Trust me," He answered.

We have this conversation from time to time, me asking for a bit of reassurance, some answers. The Divine telling me to simply trust. And so I do. And my heart is at peace. I stared at the moon and felt love glow within me until I fell asleep.

Two weeks ago (March 31), I was laid off. I knew it before I even went into work; I'd gone to the bank and noticed that my account had more money than it should have. The company had deposited my vacation pay so I knew I was going to be released that morning. So I went in, was laid off, gathered a couple of things and went back home.

It's actually nice to have this break; I hope it isn't too long, though. In 2001, my dot com company closed and I was off work for four months. In 2007, I was laid off due to company merger; that one was just 8 weeks before I landed this last job that I really loved. I have some savings that will help tide me over, for which I'm grateful.


I'm also grateful for this time. I have a number of things that have accumulated at home, projects that are not quite finished, an office that is 1/3 painted and mostly in boxes since I sold my large bookcase; a lot of cleaning and clearing that needs to be done. I feel that this is a great time to shed some of the debris in my life, physical, mental and emotional. Clearing away cobwebs. Losing the weight of stuff. Release the old and open up new spaces in my life. I want to get rid of some furniture that no longer works for me, I want to completely organize the garage, I want to get more exercise, do more cooking. I've been craving change for some time and it's time for change to manifest itself in my life.


My granddaughters were with me a couple of days last week and we had a wonderful time together. I've also spent time working in the courtyard, moving everything around, sweeping and cleaning the winter debris of fallen leaves and dirt, moving pots to new spaces, rearranging the furniture to better take advantage of the sunshine from my chaise where I like to sit and read on weekend days. I love the way the courtyard looks right now, with so many things coming into bloom and sending off new growth.

It's great to have time to take a walk each morning; so helpful for my bad hip and spine as long as I monitor how I'm feeling. The previous two times I was laid off in the fall and in late summer, so it's nice to be off during spring when everything is blooming and filled with a vibrant energy. As I walk, the birds are singing and swooping about. One neighbor has a row of peach trees with new fruit growing and the little birds love to taste the tiny peaches. I see what's blooming in everyone's yards, I notice some new construction, garage sale signs. People walking their dogs or just out for a walk always wave and say hello. The fresh air and sunshine put me in such a happy, grateful mood.

Last week, my mother-in-law, Phebe, passed away. Actually, ex-mother-in-law, but I've always remained close with my ex's grandmother and sister, who I claim as family. And in recent years, I've reconnected with my mother- and father-in-law, too, which has been a blessing to my heart. That may seem odd to some people, since their son and I divorced. But it's better to release things (like the pain of divorce) instead of being burdened by them. Freeing up the heart and opening it with love is just healthier and more connected to the Divine, I feel.

Phebe was a caring, loving, generous woman; as a young bride, I really bonded with her and she taught me a lot when I joined their family. She will be missed very much by all her friends and family who loved this fun, lively, spirited woman so much. We all know, though, that she is very happy to be reconnected to her loving husband in heaven. She's missed him so much and now they are happily laughing and loving together once again. May God grant peace and grace to all who love them both and miss them here.

Namaste

Om Shanti - Peace and all good for 2009

I tend to collect phrases that inspire me or reveal some truth to me or help me along my life's journey. Some I collect in a bound book, jotting down a phrase or a writing that I want to be able to reference again later. Others find their way onto the chalkboard closet doors in my office where I can see them each day and be reminded. Scraps of paper on my desktop or in my purse capture phrases, too, for those moments when the book or the chalkboards aren't handy.

Zen Habits and The Happiness Project have posts about writing your personal commandments. Mine aren't exactly commandments; maybe more like reminders or philosophies I want to reflect on. They're ever-changing, ever-evolving, so I can't really write a definitive list of personal commandments. For instance, like most people, I'm constantly striving for self-improvement: learning greater patience, practicing detachment and simplicity, slowing down, living in the moment and being fully present. I make progress, often slowly, but I keep learning and refining the lessons.


Some random thoughts/guidelines for my personal reflection as we ease into 2009:

***

Live in Harmony ... with others, with the earth, with nature, within myself

Move with the rhythm; let it flow

Practice ahimsa/non-violence - in thought and deed. No evil thoughts, no anger against others; learning gentleness and forgiveness. Avoid anything that's destructive instead of nurturing and gentle. Think Kwai Chang Caine (King Fu)

See the Divine in all things.

Be comfortable with the chaos.

Practice aparigraha/non-attachment - letting go, releasing, non-clinging, without fear of loss or change. "...the yogi makes his life as simple as possible and trains his mind not to feel the loss or the lack of anything. Then everything he really needs will come to him by itself at the proper time." (B.K.S. Iyengar) Also Matthew 6:25-34.

Worrying about tomorrow squanders the joy of today. Don't give energy to anything that you don't want to manifest in your life.

Be a better friend.

Remember that the world sparkles and dances with the Light of the Divine. We all carry that Light within.

Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

Have a sense of wonder! Be ready to be surprised.

Laugh more; don't take it all so seriously.

Live and dance to your own music. Sparkle. Spin with your arms wide open. Embrace all the love in the world.

Happiness is a choice in attitude; it does not require things or others.

Receive what you have been given.

Be fully present to now. The next thing will happen when it happens. (The next thing always happens.)

I do not have a soul; I have a body. My soul is forever, my body only temporary. This is important to remember.

Learn to hold loosely all that is not eternal. - Agnes Royden

Know that you are totally and fully loved. The energy of love is already manifested by anyone who has ever loved you, anyone who loves you now and anyone who will ever love you.

***

May your new year be filled with peace, prosperity and abundance in all things. Enjoy them fully with acceptance and love.

tagged with love

As usual, it looks like I have some catching up to do. No surprise. Anyone who knows me IRL knows how completely, 100% reliable I am when it comes to time: I can always be counted on to be late. If I show up for yoga before class starts, everyone looks at the clock in surprise, thinking there must be some mistake. My family knows to give me false start times: if an event starts at 1pm, they tell me 12:30pm so I'll get there by 1. All of which is just fine with me. I know it's inconsiderate of others, I know that if I just leave a little earlier, blah blah blah ... I'm a grown woman. I know these things. And yet I'm always late. I consistently underestimate the amount of time things will take; I try to cram one more thing in before I leave the house. Truthfully, being on time isn't that important to me. When I get there, I'll be there. Until then, I won't. If I invite people over and they're late, it doesn't bother me a single bit. They'll get here when they get here and oh what a wonderful time we'll all have then. Time is a manmade concept anyway, a contrived convenience for humans; God doesn't wear a watch.

But I digress (which is making me get started later than I'd wanted to. It's almost midnight here and my modem is acting up on top of it. See what I mean?). I have three things to catch up on from bloggy friends, so let's get to it!

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First, I received a super-sweet "I love your blog" award from a new blog friend, Rebecca. I'm really glad I discovered her. I absolutely love good, solid, thought-provoking writing. I'll re-read a deliciously written sentence several times (from a book, an article, a blog, whatever); often, too, I'll copy it down so I can read it again at my leisure. Rebecca writes beautifully and skillfully and it's a treat to visit her "Just a Thought" blog. Thank you so very much, Rebecca! You lit up my heart with this!

This award is to be paid forward, so here are the rules and the five that I nominate:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more).
3. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
4. Link to this post and to the person who originally sent you your award.

My five nominees whose blogs I love (I love more than these, though!):

1. Amber
2. Luxie
3. Kat
4. Heather
5. Lisa

********************

My other two can actually be combined. Both Lisa and Carol have tagged me to name some quirky things about myself. (Lisa's said to name 7; Carol's said to name 6. I could name 100, but I think I'll try to stick with just 6.) Then I'm supposed to name 6 (or 7) others to tag and have them do the same. It's very late and I'm very sleepy and besides, most everyone I follow has already been tagged and exposed their quirks for all to see. (Personally, I love quirks. I've always hoped to grow up to be a character; you know, someone that others mention with a smile and say "ah, she's such a character.")

So here goes with my list of 6 quirky things about me:

1. I can't wear a watch. They stop on me. Always have. When I was young, mom tried wristwatches, necklace watches, ring watches. They all stopped working within a couple of hours. I'd take them off and put them on the dresser and some time later, I'd find that they were working again. Tick-tick-tick. Several people have told me they experience the same thing or know someone who has. I've tested this using others' watches and had the same result. I haven't tested it in years, though. (See above about time measurement not being important to me.)

2. I think we all can hear the voice of God if we just sit quietly and listen from time to time. Prayer is us talking to God; quiet meditation is us listening to God. We all need that quiet space.

3. Being near a lot of leather makes me physically uncomfortable. Leather smells like death to me. I can wander in a furniture showroom and if I start feeling uncomfortable and queasy, I know I'm near a leather sofa.

4. When I lose something, I don't fret and worry. I feel that if I'm supposed to find it, I'll find it when I'm supposed to find it. Worrying or getting anxious doesn't change the result. Last week, I lost my cellphone headset. Calmly looked throughout the car several times. Three days later, I found it in a spot that I'd checked several times previously. I wasn't surprised.

5. When I drink from a paper coffee cup or beverage cup, the seam of the cup has to be at the back where my fingertips hold the cup (like the laces on a football). If it has a coffee sleeve, the seam of the sleeve also has to be at the back. I will twist the lid and the sleeve around until this is so.

6. My closet is organized by sleeve length, then by color. Tanks sorted from light to dark, then s/s tees, etc. Same with my skirts and slacks. And there are no extra hangers. Makes things so much easier. I find things easily when getting dressed in the morning. When I wear my red tee, its hanger remains in the spot in my closet where the red tee goes. After I've washed it, the red tee hanger is right there for the red tee. I like things simple.

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And with that, I'm off to bed! I hope you have a wonderfully, quirky week with cherished characters who make you smile.

variations on a theme ...

It's always interesting how when I'm supposed to learn a lesson, I get messages from more than one source reinforcing the lesson. Guess the Universe/God wants to be sure I get the message - lol! So here're more messages I've received the past couple of days about personal power ...

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I received the following e-mail the other day:

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so ... Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Added 10/8: Chris added a comment that David J. Pollay is the author of The Law of the Garbage Truck™ - Beware of Garbage Trucks™! Read the original story on David’s blog davidjpollay.typepad.com. Thanks, Chris!

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And today, my Daily Om message reinforced the same theme about Avoiding Negative Vibrations and taking on others' negative energy. Excerpt:

"... The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you."

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2008/15487.html

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I've posted before that I try not to make assumptions about others' intentions; if I'm going to assume anything, I'm going to assume positive intentions until proven otherwise. Most of us probably do the same thing, cuz who wants to carry negativity and suspicion around instead of positive energy and hope? All people really are basically good, so let's treat one another that way.

Here's hoping that others only give you the most positive, loving energy today. And may you see the signs and learn the lessons being given to you, for you.

Namaste.

talking to my self ...

Randy Pausch's body could no longer sustain life and so he left it and crossed over this week. Thank you, Randy, for showing and sharing so generously what you've learned on your journey.

Last year, I first learned of and watched his "Last Lecture", as so many others have; like others, I've watched it many times since. I've read several articles and watched Diane Sawyer's special with Randy and his wife, Jai. Although his body was being killed by pancreatic cancer, he was one of the healthiest of people, with wisdom, grace, dreams, spirit, acceptance, understanding and love to sustain him.

He had an incredibly graceful acceptance of the situation and was even able to find the humor and irony in this life transition. We all go through many trials in our lifetimes. We get sick, experience great loss, have our dreams shattered. Some people become destroyed by their sorrows; others become stronger, learning the lessons and moving forward with greater knowledge and awareness and new skills for coping with the vagaries of life.

How do we cope with such things? I remember on the Diane Sawyer interview, being impressed at how Randy's wife, Jai, told of sometimes drifting down into the sorrow of the situation and then stopping herself with a quick and effective "Not helpful."

"Not helpful." Two short words, but with so much meaning. Jai would use those two words almost as an automatic reflex, drawing herself back from the edge of despair because there was nothing helpful or positive or encouraging in that darkness. Self-talk often helps us get through trying circumstances. Helpful words to encourage our selves or to prevent us from negativity.

"Not helpful." I think many of us have phrases, self-talk, mantras, prayers, sayings that we repeat to ourselves, sometimes reflexively.

Mine include:

Receive what you have been given (to rremind me to accept and embrace my circumstances)

I have everything I need (a good reminder to have a grateful heart)

Everything's temporary (things pass us quickly, both the good and the bad)

Everything always works out (one of my personal favorites because it's absolutely true. It may not work out the way I want it, but it always works out nonetheless)

I am perfect just the way I am (a phrase given to me by a friend)

Five years from now, no one will really care about this (a reminder when I'm tempted to work much too late)

Do only positive things (this one got me through the first few months after my husband left)

Not helpful (I find Jai's phrase incredibly useful in many situations)

And one of my favorite meditations when I'm forgetting to connect with the Divine within:

Be still and know that I am God

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know

Be still

Be

What phrases, self-talk or thoughts help you connect to the center of your self and get you through the tough times?

suspicious minds ...

“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”
~ Dalai Lama

Lotus Pond - Bruno Baumann


The other night after yoga, I was speaking with another student, discussing his hip problems and the spondylolisthesis of my spine and how yoga is so helpful. He told me of a therapist in LA who'd really helped him and that he'd give me the man's number. I thanked him but told him quite honestly that I probably wouldn't drive all the way up to LA and that a friend had recommended someone who was closer.

The man's response: "Well, you must not be hurting that bad if you're not willing to drive to LA."

I thought it was an odd comment at first, and then I gave it my full consideration, thinking about whether there was any truth for me in his observation.

Some might have thought his comment was insulting. This was the first time we'd spoken and he didn't know me or what I've been through with this condition, as well as other pain issues (from fibromyalgia, sciatica, scoliosis, transitional vertebra). Maybe he was being intentionally rude ... or maybe not. I don't know and really what does it matter if he was? The only one who knows the intention behind that comment is him. Any speculation on my part would be just that: speculation.

I'm not big on speculating about other people's motives for doing or saying what they do. I know of people - co-workers, family, friends - who often second-guess other's intentions: "I know that he did that just to spite me." "I know she did that because she wants his money." Uh, no, you don't know.

One person in particular is prone to spinning her theories and suspicions as if they're the absolute truth. When I gently counter with the fact that she doesn't really know, she insists that "well, it's obvious what she was trying to do. Anyone can see that!"

Hmmm ... I think I may be missing the "righteous indignation" gene ...

Have you ever had anyone misread your intentions? I've had a couple of occasions where I've said or done something with the best of intentions ... and later found that the other person assumed something entirely different than I'd intended. I would apologize for any hurt feelings and discuss the issue with a listening heart to both explain my intentions and also to better understand the other's perception.

Many misunderstandings arise from an incorrect perception. I could have perceived the fellow student's comment as rude and thoughtless, but that would be merely my perception, and not his truth, which only he knows.

These kinds of assumptions can really damage a relationship, so I try to never speculate about the intent behind another person's actions. Well, that's not entirely true. I do make one assumption: I always trust first in others' positive intentions. And I hope that others trust in my positive intentions.

I believe that it's very rare that anyone would be intentially malicious and hurtful to a friend. Am I being naive? Maybe. I've been told that I'm too trusting of others. Do I miss signals when someone is truly intending to be rude or disrespectful? Probably so. But what harm is there in that?

If someone is being rude, that's on them and has nothing to do with me or my happiness. I'd rather be naive and trusting in my happy little bubble of bliss than be suspicious and hurt for no good reason other than my own misguided assumptions. I'm much happier feeling that everyone in my circle is a good, kind, loving person and that we all have one another's best interests at heart. It's a nice way to live.

Namaste

remember ... remember ...

I must be self-indulgent today and write for myself. I am filled with thoughts, feelings, experiences, triggered by my uncle's death. My thoughts have been ajumble with memory and sharing with relatives-seen-too-seldom for my taste. Time is such a thief. "I'd love to see you more, but you know ... so busy, so little time." Such a thief. And then the door closes and you realize that we gave Time our full permission to steal from us. Complicit in the crime, we just leave the door wide open and our wallet on the table. We're temporary; each moment is precious. Engage with those you love.

I'll likely be rambling through the rest of this, just needing to get my thoughts on paper*. Feel free to abandon ship right now and not read any further, if you wish. But be fairly warned if you choose to continue. I didn't make you do it. Thanks!

*I love expressions like "thoughts on paper" and "I'll cc you on that." We don't really often put thoughts on actual paper and when was the last time you made a carbon copy of a note? Adages that have evolved from their meaning when I was a kid make me smile.

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photo courtesy of Tracy

I. Yoga of loss

Last Monday, at the beginning of yoga class, our teacher, Maureen, asked if there was anything in particular we wanted to work on. "Hip openers," I said. I needed to release some of the sorrow I'd been carrying all week and hip openers are designed for releasing emotion in a big way. Just what my body was craving. We did several hip openers throughout class (including a wonderfully long pigeon pose) and as I breathed through each asana, releasing on the exhale, I could feel these sticky bits within me releasing their hold and opening up, sometimes with a soft "pop!" sound. I could feel my breath become fuller, my clarity more clear. I really love hip openers, even when I'm not holding any deep emotion. Bonus: they're a wonderful release from the spondylolisthesis and sciatica pain. Great stuff.

At the end of class, as were guided to lie still and relax in savasana - that state of surrender without attachment, being aware but not engaged - I decided I would like to softly think of my uncle and feel blessings for him during this time. I relaxed my body, closed my eyes, opened my heart and aimed my love at an image of him in my mind. As soon as I saw his image, though, I felt this sudden rush of love coming from that image ... and then very quickly, I felt others rush forward with him - my mom (oh, Mom!), my aunt, uncles, grandparents, friends - and they all hurtled love at me like an uncontrolled flow from a fireman's hose. I was briefly unnerved at first, sputtering against the unexpected flood, then I relaxed and opened my heart ("receive what you have been given") and I could receive it all, feeling it fill the spaces just opened up by the earlier poses in class.

Amazing experience.

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II. The Vigil-formerly-known-as-the-Rosary

Thursday night was the Vigil. Pre-some-change-in-the-church rules, we used to have a Rosary service on an evening prior to the funeral. Everyone kneeling, rosary beads in hands - some of those hands smooth and young, others gnarled with arthritis and wrinkled with time - the priest would begin each prayer and those gathered would complete it, in a call-and-response cadence. You do five decades of those - the prayers droning in a sonorous rhythm, buzzing in the chapel like bees on a hot summer day - and you're in such a wonderfully meditative state, feeling that interconnectedness with the Sacred within. (I can always use more interconnectedness with the Sacred within.)

Nowadays, though, it's a Vigil; you get a nice, small service and, for the Rosary part, it's one decade and you're on your way. Seems like my tio got cheated.

My mom had always said she wanted her full five decades when she crossed over, and my dad and brother made darned sure she got 'em when she crossed in 1990, by golly. My brother had to make a special request, but I'm so glad Mom got it the way she wanted. I have strong memories of sitting near her feet as a kid, with her sitting in the upholstered rocker (which now sits in my living room), her beautiful crystal rosary beads in her fingers, eyes gently closed, her lips slightly moving, the soft sussurous whisper of the prayers from deep within her soul. (I can feel the depth of her faith in those moments.)

At her rosary, we prayed every last prayer, moved through every single bead. After the service, several older women all gathered around Mom's open casket. In a bit of a semi-circle, they began to sing, a strikingly beautiful sound, a capella, with deep and powerful emotion. The tears silently coursed down their cheeks as they bravely sang for her. They'd been schoolgirl friends of my Mom and they all used to sing together in church choir. And now they gathered and sang for Mom, hands held together, arms around one another, singing her over to Heaven.

Amazing experience.

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III. Losing my stories

My mom came from a family of ten children. Growing up, we had a lot of tios and cousins that we'd visit with very regularly, some were on the same block when I was very little. All the family was very close and we cousins grew up together.

From those ten, there are now two uncles who remain on this side. Gathered together for my Uncle Art this week, we all shared a lot of "remember" stories -

"remember that time with the garter snake?",
"remember driving through those fields to tio's house?",
"remember how we used to ..."

remember ...
remember ...
remember ...

These are the only people who know my childhood stories first-hand, who have known me from my beginning on this side. As each one ages and moves on, they take my stories with them, one by one. Each one has a different piece of my story, various bits of my life's narrative ... each unique piece making a "pop!" sound as it is released and disappears. Pop! Fifty years from now - likely, less than that - there will be no human alive who knows my childhood stories first-hand. There won't be any memory of them left on this side.

Amazing experience.


Namaste

whispers ...

It’s healthy to have time to just be,

to listen to the rhythm of your heartbeat,

the wind sighing outside the window.

It’s good to have that time to listen

to the inner voice of God Within.

Our spirit selves crave peace and calmness

amidst the chaos of our physical lives.

It is said that prayer is us talking to God;

quiet meditation is us listening to God.

Be still and listen.

Be ...

Namaste

the breath of heaven ...

Merry Christmas from Huntington Beach, California! Doing a little reading this morning, I felt the ocean breeze gently stir in the room, lightly lifting the filmy sheers at my bedroom window. The sun's rays caught the little mirrors and prisms in the window and cast dancing rainbows around the room, colors twinkling on walls and surfaces. I put down my reading and just watched. The air across my skin and the scattering rainbows just made me feel so filled with love and the magic of Christmas and the miracle of His birth!

The following is edited from last year's December 17, 2006 post:

Advent always draws me to Mary, a young Jewish girl in Nazareth, raised in a good Jewish family, betrothed to a good Jewish man. The stories of Mary were written long after she'd crossed over, long after the events of her life had transpired. There were no reporters to relate her story as it unfolded, no paparazzi snapping away. So my beliefs about those times may not be entirely factual, but they are beliefs of the heart, of what I believe are the intents of the Nativity story.

What must life have been like for this young girl, Mary, anticipating her marriage to Joseph, looking forward to a normal Jewish life with him, raising kids, working, all the normal family things? She was about 15, maybe younger. Then an angel appears to her and tells her that she is to have a child - without having been with a man - and not any child, but the long-awaited Messiah. Faithfulness and prayer was much different then than today, but this would surely have given any young girl pause, to have at least raised questions on her part, possibly denial that such a thing could occur. How many of us - in the circumstances of those times - would have thought "thanks, but no thanks?"

Mary does question, "How shall this be?" Then, her simple, faithful "Yes" - her most obedient response "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word’” (Luke 1:38) - shows a complete trust in the Lord, her embrace of God's call for her to change everything she'd planned for her life and to obey God's word without question.

Mary's response inspires me to try to live my life with complete trust in God and in His plan for my life. My Advent journey each year provides a glorious opportunity for reflection and renewal, a special time set aside for just such contemplation on how to live my life in a way that honors and glorifies.

The beautiful song Breath of Heaven reflects the awesomeness of Mary's response to the angel, her fiat. Mary questions God, asking him if He's really quite sure she's right for the job, if perhaps "a wiser one should have had my place?" Faithfully, she responds: "But I offer all I am/for the mercy of your plan" and she asks Him for His help, knowing the difficulties that lay ahead of her:

"Help me be strong ...
Help me be ...
Help me ..."

A prayer any believer can pray any day, any time, looking to our faith (in whatever very personal way that means to each of us) to sustain us, to help us be.

Tomorrow, Advent's quiet season of prayer-filled waiting and reflective contemplation culminates in the joy of blessed Christmas. Lord, let it be me to me according to your word, and help me to develop complete trust and faith in you in all things, just as Mary did. Emmanuel - God with us!

Namaste