Monday, October 19, 2009

The woman in church …

exhausted statue I entered church a few minutes before Mass started, trusting that since I was early, I’d be able to find a seat. Looking around, I didn’t see any readily available so I stood at the back of the church, scanning the pews for a place to sit. I knew my friend, Vic, would be sitting in her usual spot but I couldn’t see her when I looked in that direction.

So, I stood in the back, still scanning. My back had been hurting (I have spondylolisthesis) and sitting would be so much better than standing. I spotted my friend up front but was there room next to her? Not really sure if there was room between her and the man on her right. Mass started and so I stayed put for now, thinking I might move down there in a few minutes.

A young woman sidled in to stand next to me. I was very aware of her presence there, maybe even a tad annoyed that she was standing so closely to me. Then I heard her cry. Softly … a sniffle at first … then barely-heard gulps of air … and then quiet sobs. Her head dropped and I could feel her energy withdraw from the Mass and flow deeply into her sorrow. I could see her quiet tears drop toward the floor.

The annoyance of my human nature swept away, and I felt a deep compassion for her, my divine nature coming forward. I didn’t need to know the cause of her tears; I only knew that she was in deep, soul-engulfing sorrow, something so familiar, I felt I was feeling it with her.

I felt a lightness through my crown chakra, flowing down and opening up my heart. Instinctively, I moved in front of her and wrapped her in my arms as she cried even harder. And we just stood there like that - just being - just being present to one another.

As her tears subsided, she whispered, her head still down on my shoulder, “My mom died this morning.” And then we both cried some more.

She briefly shared her story in whispers there at the back of the church, a story much more important in that moment than the Mass that was being celebrated. Others would hold the Mass energy for us for few moments; I knew that I was to be a good servant, that I was part of a Divine purpose.

Later, after Communion, as we returned back to our spots, a new wave of quiet crying washed over her. She hadn’t slept in two days, staying by her mother’s bedside as her mom moved forward in her own personal journey. I found some tissues for her and she knelt in private prayer.

At the end of Mass, we shared another hug and she thanked me over and over, saying that I had been her angel in her time of need.

stars silhouette As a child, I was sometimes overwhelmed with the depth of God’s unconditional love for us. I found it immensely hard to fathom, like trying to think of the universe, the Big Bang, or trying to think of a time before the earth was created. It could make my head hurt to think of the amazing Love we’re given, freely, no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn that Love. I can’t do anything that will make the Divine not love me any more. I will always and constantly and abundantly be loved. No conditions.

And so, my child-self would pray to God to please give me opportunities in my life to be His servant, place me where He needs me to be to serve others, to let me release my own ego and simply be what He needs me to be for others. (I’d hoped at one point to be a cloistered nun, living in a cloister and spending my days praying for peace and goodness and Love in the world.) And so the Divine has presented opportunities all throughout my life, and each time I recognize it as the answer to my child prayer. Not to earn Love; I already have it. But to share my connection with that Love by being a servant for others, gratefully, lovingly.

I read a story once where a child asked a kind stranger if he was an angel. Nope, he answered. Sometimes God’s angels are so busy, they use humans to help out. And we’re only too happy to serve.


paintergal said...

Ah, Rose, what a blessing you were to that grieving woman.
Tears welled up in my eyes reading this. Simply beautiful.

Lady Prism said...

Beautiful beyond words.

The soul purpose of a church is in exactly what you did. You are so divinely blessed to be at the right place at the right time. What a gift both to you and the lady.

My week has started replete with the word and concept of angels.

I wonder why...

Jan said...

Oh, my tears here. What a gift to read this post. A beautiful reminder of who we can be to one another when we step aside (set our ego aside) and embrace our divine self. I am so happy you listened to your heart and were there in support of this young woman. I cannot imagine her pain around loss in that moment. You were an angel...

We can all be angels...may we open our hearts and embrace others. We are all journeying deeper and in journeying we need companions. Bless you for being such a kind companion to many....Hugs!

PixieDust said...

What a beautiful, divine moment... God often leads us to where we need to be, but if we don't take the next step the blame can only be laid at our feet... you took that step towards a grieving sister and I can't imagine how much it meant to her.


Lynn said...

I hope you know how many times you've been exactly what I've needed, Rose, God's instrument in my life. I can never express how much of a blessing this post is to me. Thank you so much for sharing this moment.

Lisa @sacred circle said...

What a beautiful story, and what a brilliant light you were to this woman. I'm so happy to have connected with you!

dec0r8or said...

Rose, you're my hero. (((hugs))) Seriously, you're just such a wonderful person. I aspire to be like you.

Caroline said...

Such a touching and deeply powerful post. God put you at the back of the church to be an angel that day. I find stories like these so uplifting. What a beautiful gift you both received... It's experiences like these that make life so wonderful.

Anonymous said...

A God-incidence! Rose, your writings are so uplifting.

Kate Michelle

Laura Hegfield said...

This story touches my very core...I too believe that people are angels...or at least have angelic tasks handed to us in the most unexpected moments. In Hebrew the word Malakh mean both angel and messenger. Perhaps you and that young woman were simultaneously angels exchanging messages of compassion toward each other. She eased your annoyance by shedding her tears and opening your eased her suffering by opening your arms and holding her tenderly...two streams of tears flowing together into one and creating a holy moment in time.

Thank you for sharing this holy moment with us.
gentle steps,

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

Thank you all for your beautiful and supportive comments. "God-incidence" - I love that! I do believe that the young woman and I were truly angels to one another, connecting through a Divine energy. I love that feeling that flows inside when the Divine aspect is more dominant than my needy human aspect. Some day, I'll get them blended together just right.

God, The Divine Consciousness, is good!

Laura Hegfield said...

I have a gift for you on my blog today!

Gentle steps,

Stacy Wills said...

this brought tears to my eyes...and peace to my soul...thank you.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful story Rose, so touching...yes, choked up over here with tears...also, just what I needed to read tonight. I'm so glad I checked in. I seem to move in waves, where I'm in tune with my purpose to serve others, then a wave where I become self centered and focused on petty, nit-picky things. Then I find myself gifted (like you) with an opportunity to get in tune with my purpose again. I loved this post, and like you, do love God. Thanks Rose!


rebecca said...

Wow. What a beautiful message here and so honored to have been a witness through your words. We never need to question whether the Divine exists because your story is a testament that it does. There are moments in life when the world - as we know it - ceases to exist and we enter a place of Divine consciousness with all its tenderness, care, love, and empathy and we make a connection to our true hearts. The two of you were very blessed to have had each other that day. You were meant to stand there, she was meant to stand next to you, you were both meant to be within the structure that speaks of God's love. What a loving soul you are dear Rose to have embraced her as such.

((abrazos in turn, dear sister, dear friend))

Life Potentials Network said...

Oh Rose, this is truly inspiring. You make a wonderful, compassionate, perfect angel. Bless you for being available for that woman, to comfort her, hold her, strengthen her. Namaste.

Té la mà Maria - Reus said...

very good blog, congratulations
regard from Reus Catalonia
thank you

Sharmila said...

Rose, I am so grateful I divinely stumbled across your site today! I could feel your loving energies even from outside, and the name 'Turtle dancer',.. had me ;) I had turtles for my symbol just a few months ago! ;) Anyway, I really am enjoying your site and look forward to following you! So much resonated with me in this blog and brought some tears. I was experiencing a burden similar as mentioned above and someone *a new friend was able to be this to me and I never forgot it. Much luv, Sharmila