Sunday, March 1, 2009

rollercoaster ...

It's been kind of a rollercoaster week.

Tuesday was the anniversary of my mom's passing. Most times when I think of her (nearly every day), I feel love and light; I see her smile, hear her laughter, feel her amazing energy and remember how she drew people to her with her humor, openness and generosity. But on Feb. 24 - even after all these years - I feel a disturbance in my spirit, even before I realize what day it is. When I scan my feelings to see what's causing this, I remember, and the memories of that day come flooding back. The prayers - bargains with God - as I rushed to the hospital, then the completely falling-apart sense of utter and devastating loss as I was told she was gone. Touching her face, sending her love, my entire being flooded with tears.

Tuesday was also the day that my manager told me that I was being rolled off the account that I'd been on since I started there. We've had some layoffs and I knew we still had to cut back more, so it wasn't completely unexpected. I was told to transition my work to another Project Manager and that the company was looking for another account that could use me. In the meantime, I knew I wasn't going to be billable, and in an agency, it's all about being billable. You don't bring in any money sitting on the bench; people need to perform billable work. I was hopeful they'd find an account that could use my skills, hopefully something meaty and engaging that I could really contribute to.

On Thursday, my cousin passed away. May he rest in peace, free from pain and discomfort, once again a light-filled spirit. This made it an even tougher week emotionally. (His services are on Wednesday; if you read this before then, please say a prayer for the family.)

Mom, work, my cousin - by Thursday afternoon, I was turning inward more, like a wounded animal that goes to the cave to heal alone. I consider it a privilege and an honor to have an opportunity to help a friend; as a little girl, I remember praying in church that God would provide me with ways in which I could show my love for Him by sharing His love with others. He has graced my life by answering that little-girl prayer. But I have a really tough time asking for personal support from others. I'm independent; I do for myself. I don't want to burden others with my troubles; everyone has their own to worry about.

On Friday, my last day on the account, we were going out for a girls-only happy hour. I'd been "in my head" most of the week, and I was looking forward to going out with everyone; I could use a little diversion. They are an amazingly wonderful group of women; all very intelligent, very professional, high achievers - just really quality people in every way. And sooooo funny! We have a great big, happy, joy-filled friendship among us, a strong team who share and genuinely care about one another. We support one another whenever someone needs a hand on a project; we lend an ear and a shoulder when someone needs it; we celebrate happy occasions.

As we left the office for happy hour, everyone went over to C's SUV and they told me to come over, too. They were trying to get a beach cruiser bike out of the back of her SUV. It was gorgeous: lime green, white basket, shiny and new. Wow - I've been wanting a cruiser for the last 10 years. I kept oohing and aahing, assuming that C had picked it up for one of the girls and they were going to put it in her car, lucky girl.

They pulled it out, set it on the ground, smiled and told me "Get on it."

What? ...

After a heartbeat's pause, I looked at them, stunned. And then the waterworks started. These beautiful, wonderful friends had pitched in and bought me the most awesome beach cruiser in the world for my last day on the team. (Just got a little teary again ...) My stomach is still doing flip-flops, completely and utterly amazed at the hugeness of their generosity and thoughtfulness.

Words are inadequate to express how I feel about this. I am enormously humbled. I would have been grateful for a goodbye card signed by them all. Oh - they gave me that, too, with the most beautiful personal messages from each of them.

I dreamed about my bike that night. I loved my old beach cruiser. My daughter and I used to ride all the time - down the beach, to her school - the ocean breeze blowing our hair, watching the sun set on the ocean. Riding a bike is such simple, pure fun! And my new bike is absolutely the best cruiser I've ever had. 1000 times better than any I've ever had. There's even a cute white basket. And a silk rose attached to the handlebars. And my wonderful friends gave me a rose-designed bell for the handlebars and rose stickers, too.

It's been a rollercoaster week, starting off on a downhill slide. But beautiful friends did a beautiful thing, sharing their hearts to do something extraordinarily generous and nice. I feel so blessed that we are present in one another's lives right now. We all click. I don't believe I've ever had such a tight bond with friends at work like this. It's kind of magical and amazing. It all feels so right and perfect.

Now to think of a name of my bike.



paintergal said...

Oh, the blessing of good friends! What a wonderful way to share their love for you.

Shell said...

A beautiful bike. You have great friends. I send you my prayers for your cousin and also in remembrance for your mother. Those kind of anniversaries are challenging.

rebecca said...

Oh, Rose, what a bittersweet week you've had. I, too, remember my mother all of the time. I will never forget the day she passed. It was as if the floor had been taken out from under me. And it took me a long time to lift from the depression that followed. My prayers are with you and your family right now. Your week began as if you could not breathe from the sadness of it all, yet it ended with you not being able to breathe from the blessings of it all. Yin and yang. always at work. What loving and wonderful friends you have. Only a testament to the kind of person that you are. I am very happy for you and your new bike. It is snazzy alright!

And know that I will be thinking of you and holding you in my prayers.


Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Rose, what an absolutely beautiful bike & one of my favorite colors, lime green. So happpy that your friends honored you like that and I'm sorry you've had such a bad week.

Grandma Eleanor is actually Peter's Grandma and she is a character too! I don't have any of my grandparents left. Thank you for stopping by to see me.

Rose said...

Thanks, PG! It was quite a surprise.

Shell - I greatly appreciate the prayers. Prayers uplift and support; such a gift.

Rebecca - Blessings to you and to your mom; you understand the utter loss. Thank you for the prayers; they are very appreciated. Yin and yang - the universe always seems to keep things in balance.

Rhoda - Oh, so I guess her beauty didn't get passed to you - lol! You're both still gorgeous. Thanks for stopping by! I love to get your sweet notes, as I know you are a busy, active person.

Lady Prism said...

Oh Rose, it's beautiful! Look at that dainty pweeety!! Think of the fun you'll have in'...


And I will say a prayer for your loved ones and for you too, but it is so absolutely beautiful how your murky week can culminate so poignantly. You are so blessed.

I too, have had a rough "month" with a pesky illness that sucked the life out of me. BUT I have emerged victorious ha! ha!

To celebrate my renewed strength I started a new blog, one with more color and vibrancy. I can now be read at:

It is still, as always, so calming to visit here. It is wonderful to leave so renewed.

( hmmm'...perhaps I will get myself a bike as well :)

C├ęcile said...

Rose what a touching post. I'm on my way tomorrow to see my mother and all my sibs. I'm especially grateful that she is still with us, especially after reading this. But the part about your co-workers, was what made me reach for the tissues. What a glorious bike! We want to see pics of you riding it, now.

Anonymous said...

Sending warm hugs as you mourn the loss of loved ones as well as your job change. Your friends know you well and brought you such joy when you needed it most. Bravo!

Enjoy your rides and sunfilled days to come.

Daisy Cottage said...

I can't think of anyone more deserving of this special token of your friends' love than YOU. You give so much to everyone and they treasure you as we all do. I'm so sorry that you have been on a rollercoaster as of late and I hope that you will soon be stepping onto another "ride" in life that is uplifting and as wonderful as you are.

Love always,

Jill said...

What treasures. The bikes not bad either. Isn't it wonderful how Karma works.

Your family will be in my thoughts.