Friday, April 17, 2009

Trust ...

One night last week as I slipped into bed and prepared to read for a bit before going to sleep, I noticed how brilliant the moon was outside my bedroom window. Turning off the bedside lamp, I laid there looking at the moon, thinking. And praying.

"God?" I asked.
"Trust me," He answered.

We have this conversation from time to time, me asking for a bit of reassurance, some answers. The Divine telling me to simply trust. And so I do. And my heart is at peace. I stared at the moon and felt love glow within me until I fell asleep.

Two weeks ago (March 31), I was laid off. I knew it before I even went into work; I'd gone to the bank and noticed that my account had more money than it should have. The company had deposited my vacation pay so I knew I was going to be released that morning. So I went in, was laid off, gathered a couple of things and went back home.

It's actually nice to have this break; I hope it isn't too long, though. In 2001, my dot com company closed and I was off work for four months. In 2007, I was laid off due to company merger; that one was just 8 weeks before I landed this last job that I really loved. I have some savings that will help tide me over, for which I'm grateful.

I'm also grateful for this time. I have a number of things that have accumulated at home, projects that are not quite finished, an office that is 1/3 painted and mostly in boxes since I sold my large bookcase; a lot of cleaning and clearing that needs to be done. I feel that this is a great time to shed some of the debris in my life, physical, mental and emotional. Clearing away cobwebs. Losing the weight of stuff. Release the old and open up new spaces in my life. I want to get rid of some furniture that no longer works for me, I want to completely organize the garage, I want to get more exercise, do more cooking. I've been craving change for some time and it's time for change to manifest itself in my life.

My granddaughters were with me a couple of days last week and we had a wonderful time together. I've also spent time working in the courtyard, moving everything around, sweeping and cleaning the winter debris of fallen leaves and dirt, moving pots to new spaces, rearranging the furniture to better take advantage of the sunshine from my chaise where I like to sit and read on weekend days. I love the way the courtyard looks right now, with so many things coming into bloom and sending off new growth.

It's great to have time to take a walk each morning; so helpful for my bad hip and spine as long as I monitor how I'm feeling. The previous two times I was laid off in the fall and in late summer, so it's nice to be off during spring when everything is blooming and filled with a vibrant energy. As I walk, the birds are singing and swooping about. One neighbor has a row of peach trees with new fruit growing and the little birds love to taste the tiny peaches. I see what's blooming in everyone's yards, I notice some new construction, garage sale signs. People walking their dogs or just out for a walk always wave and say hello. The fresh air and sunshine put me in such a happy, grateful mood.

Last week, my mother-in-law, Phebe, passed away. Actually, ex-mother-in-law, but I've always remained close with my ex's grandmother and sister, who I claim as family. And in recent years, I've reconnected with my mother- and father-in-law, too, which has been a blessing to my heart. That may seem odd to some people, since their son and I divorced. But it's better to release things (like the pain of divorce) instead of being burdened by them. Freeing up the heart and opening it with love is just healthier and more connected to the Divine, I feel.

Phebe was a caring, loving, generous woman; as a young bride, I really bonded with her and she taught me a lot when I joined their family. She will be missed very much by all her friends and family who loved this fun, lively, spirited woman so much. We all know, though, that she is very happy to be reconnected to her loving husband in heaven. She's missed him so much and now they are happily laughing and loving together once again. May God grant peace and grace to all who love them both and miss them here.



Kate Michelle said...

Rose, I am so sorry you have been laid off from a job you loved. I admire your positive attitude. With all you have planned you won't have time to work at a job. (:
A lovely tribute to your ex-mother-in-law. Thank you for the reminder of freeing up the heart. You are a wise lady!

Anonymous said...

Hi Salsa,
I'm sorry about your mother-in-laws passing, and am glad you reconnected with her. I'm sure you brought her peace and joy, as you do to those around you. Beautiful post, trust...and will be taken care of! Take Care,
Carol (stewcarol)

Maureen said...

Rose this post is so inspirational. I admire you for your ability to take what most would consider a kick in the pants and make it a positive thing. I know it can't be easy being laid off, but what a breath of fresh air to see how you've come to terms with it in a way that is purely you. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that the very moment you feel it's time to return to work, a dream of a job will be there waiting for you. So sorry to hear about the loss of your former mother in law. Loss is never easy, but you seem to have it in good perspective! Hugs

Cindyann said...

I appreciate your perspective. Nice to look to the positives at this time in your life. I've undergone changes in nearly every part of my life the past 2 yrs. Some quite painful, but I had growth with all. In the exercise dept. bought myself some super compfy Asics running shoes which the gal told me most walkers use. I walk 4-7 miles a day. Granted, that's 2 hours of the day but, my stress is so much lower doing this and I sleep great!

paintergal said...

Love this: "Trust Me". So true!

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Rose, I'm so sorry about the layoff, I think I saw that somewhere a few weeks ago & meant to get over here. I know you have a deep faith & that will get you through.Your outlook is always so positive. And I'm sorry for your loss too. "trust me" is all you need for sure.

Thanks for coming by to see me, your uplifting words are always appreciated, sweet Rose!

Rose said...

Kate Michelle - Thank you for your visit and very kind words.

Dear Carol - I'm not one to carry grudges; it's an unnecessary burden that weighs down the soul. Thank you for your faithful visits to my little blog.

Mo - Thank you for the uplifing words and the hugs! Here's one back: (((Mo)))

Cindyann - Thanks for the Asics recommendation. You inspire me to increase my mileage!

Carol - I'm not always as strong as I'd like to be, so I've learned to listen and trust that I am loved and will be taken care of.

Rhoda - Another bonus of being laid off: I get to visit some of my favorite people more, like you! Thank you for your kind thoughts, Rho.

kelee Katillac said...

Rose! Thank-you for your lovely visit to The Katillac Shack today! Dear Kim brought us together.
I sooo appreciate your blog and the uplifting quotes.
And your rich post and reflections. I too am clearing things-object and energies that no longer serve me.
Many blessings to a special soul. I just know it.

please stop by,kelee

Daisy Cottage said...


May your days during this chapter in your life be filled with beauty and peace and daily wonder. I know that YOU know that these are precious moments and soon you WILL be back to work and that new job will bring you another journey that I hope is as happy as the last one.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law too. She was blessed to have had YOU in her life.

Love to you Rose.


Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Hi, Rose! Thanks for taking a peek at the farmhouse, isn't is beautiful? A sponsor just means he is advertising with me on my blog.

Britt-Arnhild said...

Good luck to you Rose during this time of making new desicions.

Kelee Katillac said...

Thank-you for the insightful wodom...lov the variety of quotes.
The Randi's wife's quote great and unsentimental! FAB!!!! What I always have seen in that couple!

love, kelee

Lady Prism said...

Rose, I think it's quite exciting to be moving on to another place of work soon ( as what will eventually happen) and get to meet a lot of new people....make new great friends!!

I'm so sorry about your mother-in-law. Your writing is such a celebration of her life that I feel her so alive in my mind and heart.

- every time I see a bike, I remember yours...

FrenchGardenHouse said...

Rose, what a great, and inspiring post! The perfect way to look at life. :) I know God has a plan for another job for you. Thrilling, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Hi Rose, just checking in to say hi....what say you?