Saturday, November 14, 2009

dancing in the mirror …

101709 Mom and IThis morning as I laid in bed, still in that beautiful, open, in-between space between sleep and wakefulness, my mom was suddenly and surprisingly on my mind. I instinctively started saying over and over "I love you. I love you. I love you." As love filled that golden space between, I sensed her as a young woman – so pretty! - dancing in front of a mirror. The image was so clear: She wore a long, creamy movie-star-style dressing gown, swaying prettily in front of a full-length mirror, a glimpse of leg peeking out from the dressing gown as she moved and danced. The energy of it was just so beautiful and I felt so filled with love between us.

I get these mind/heart images or thoughts or energies about her from time to time, and they’re usually from before I knew her, not as I knew her after I was born. It’s as if she's telling me more of her story, the parts that I wasn’t here for yet, as if she wants me to know who she was here outside of her narrow definition to me as “Mom.”

You should know that Mom was a champion swing dancer, winning many contests with one of her brothers as her partner. Oh, she loved to dance! Seeing her moving in front of that mirror as a young woman this morning seemed so natural, exactly as I would imagine her doing at that age.

Mom working at dry cleaners

As I said, these sensations occur from time to time, and usually not in that in-between time in the morning. I’ve had sensations when I’m doing something completely random - maybe cooking, or shopping, or seeing something interesting on a walk or while driving – and there’ll she’ll be in my heart/mind, her energy of love so instantly recognizable. I’ll feel a sense of how she experienced something very similar to what I’m doing in that moment, how she experienced life when she was pre-wife and pre-mom; I’ll get a sense of her wonder or her delight or her surprise at these things.

Crazy? Odd? Maybe. I don’t sit around and mope about her being gone; I know and trust that she is in a place of utter love and beauty and is purely, abundantly happy. So, I don’t think I’m manufacturing these sensations from a sense of loss. I don’t know. The energy seems to come to me unbidden, in the most random of circumstances.

It’s interesting to me that she chooses to show me her story. They’re not messages of guidance to help me on my own journey or warnings of some future event. They’re more like a sense of knowingness in my heart/mind, very sweet, very comfortable, very wonderful. I smile when they happen and say to myself “Oh! I see! Thank you” and I feel that I know more of her story through her own energy.

I think it’s wonderful that she’s done this for me from time to time. We’re here so briefly; in a couple of generations, the small details of our stories – favorite flavor of ice cream, our first kiss, our delight at a specific smell – will be lost. There will be no one left to tell our stories. And I’m fine with that. This is not our eternal life here; it’s just a pit stop where we do some work, live, laugh, love. But maybe after we’re gone, we’ll do like Mom and share those stories with our loved ones energetically (if that’s what’s happening; I’m still not ruling out “crazy” as a possibility, or, as my dad says, maybe I’m just “getting swimmy in the head”).

Do you ever have a sensation of a loved one who’s crossed over? How does it feel to you?

14 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I'm not a very energetically sensitive person, so haven't had such an experience myself. But I think it's wonderful to develop that kind of sensitivity and that seems to be what you're doing. How lovely to receive these vignettes from your Mom!

Anonymous said...

My family is small, and my parents are both still hereo. My most significant loss was my dad's mom at age 95. Listening to her stories in the last 5-10 years of her life are some of my favorite memories. I can't say I've had a revisiting moment as you describe, but you know what, I'm going to be more on the lookout for that. Your mom is soooo alive in you Rose and she must be so proud.

stewcarol

Erin said...

Rose, this was so incredible to read. My mom passed away when I was 12...the older I get, the more I sit and think about her before she "mom", what she was like when she was my age, the experiences she had. It's so neat to think of her as a real person, not just my mom. Your words were so touching, so eloquent, and I hope I can be aware of the energies you write about. What an amazing thing!

Connie said...

This was so neat to read Rose. I am in awe that you are able to do this with your mother. I enjoyed seeing the picture of the two of you together - she is beautiful but so are you.
I have "seen" my mother in some of my dreams and they were so real - other times I am aware of her presence but do not see her.
You are truly foruntate that you have these "moments" with her. I am 68 and lost my father at 21; my mother at 31. Sometimes it feels like I never had parents. I was that late in life baby and my parents were much older than me.
Thanks for sharing Rose - I so love to read your blog.
Hugs,
Connie

paintergal said...

I love, love that photo of the two of you!
The love between you is so evident.
Why do we think it should end at death?
When I was about 12, I had a strong sense of missing my grandpa who died when I was two. Since I was so young, of course I didn't know him. But there it was- that sense of missing him.

Laura Hegfield said...

Yes Rose...often my grandmother or my great aunts (all of whom I was close to growing up) come to me in dreams! I feel their energy/presence...I do not think this is crazy at all. We are energy contained in bodies for a short time...but when that energy is released what would keep that love away from those of us still living? Nothing, of course. How wonderful to have this continued and very real connection with your mother!

blessings,
Laura

stacy said...

thanks to your beautiful writing i can "see" her, too! my parents loved to dance. my mom is still living, but my dad passed away in 2004. when i was a little girl, my father would dance with me while i stood on top of his feet!

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

Debra - My mom used to tell us stories about her own energetic connections and other family members have experienced similar things. I'm grateful to experience whatever this is.

Carol - Wonderful that you got to hear your grandmother's stories! Yes, be on the lookout; you may be experiencing "revisiting" already.

Erin - Yes! That's exactly what I sense, too; as if she's letting me know about the child/girl/woman she was.

Connie - You lost your parents so young. It's nice to know you mom's energy still is with you. I love that for you.

PG - You're right; the energy of love is eternal. How wonderful that you should miss your grandfather that you didn't know on this side. I can't explain it, but think it's wonderful.

Laura - How amazing that your womenfolk come to you. The Divine Feminine energies seem to be prevalent in so much. You're so right about the brevity of our embodied life and the eternal energy of our love.

Stacy - I can imagine you and your dad dancing; what a beautiful memory!

Jan said...

Rose,
A lovely tribute to your mom. I think it's wonderful that she is choosing to connect with you in this way. Enjoy and savor!
(The photo of you two is quite beautiful!)

Yes, I have experienced this. With my grandmothers and my father. They are such graced experiences. Their contact is precious. Perhaps this is why I do not have a huge fear of death...

dec0r8or said...

OK, so I was reading along with this and saying to myself "YEs! That happens to me too!" And here you are at the end of your post asking us that very question. What you describe is exactly what I feel happens to me on occasion. I love to think of my mother "checking in" once in a while. It's comforting, and I feel like she's very close at those times...almost as if she's over my shoulder, sharing the moment. Pretty cool. :)

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

Jan - "graced experiences" - an apt description. It's beautiful htat you have that with your grandmothers and father.

Sharon - Wonderful, isn't it? Knowing that we are always connected to those we love. Yup, pretty cool!

TechGoddess said...

As always, your story touches my heart and inspires... the photos are beautiful. What is the machine in front of your mother in the second photo?

I think my grandfather is my guiding angel. He died a year before my sisters were born, five before me. Why he chose to walk with me and not again as himself I do not understand. I think it is why my grandmother's photos of their life together were trusted to me... so that he can help guide the story.

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

TechGoddess/Heather - It's an old-timey cash register. Mom was working at a cleaners in El Paso at this time. How beautiful that your grandfather (who preceded your birth) walks with you in this life. I know how much you value those photos and the sense of family history in them. You honor your ancestors in the way you care for those precious photos.

Laura Hegfield said...

Hello my fellow blog travelers, inspirers, angels, artists, writers, gentle good HUMANS,

Yesterday I had this wonderful Idea! To create a special blog for American Thanksgiving with gratitude quotes from many people I know...some of you received the request below....My Blogging Co-ConSpiritor Deb Whaley asked me a great question-would I mind if she did the same thing on her blog? OMG...this was the best idea ever! So now I am asking all of you on my blog roll to consider joining in to make this a worldwide BLOGGING GRATITUDE EVENT...I LIKE THE IDEA OF MOBIUS...BECAUSE IT NEVER ENDS...LIKE LOVE...I LIKE THE IDEA OF QUILT BECAUSE IT'S A PATCHWORK OF COLORS AND WORDS STITCHED TOGETHER...AGAIN WITH LOVE... A BLANKET OF GRATITUDE TO WRAP AROUND THE WORLD!

I know that some of you are in other countries and do not celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday November 26 like in the US, but I figure every day is an opportunity to share our gratitude so why not just all do it on the same day?!!!

So below you can read the simple message I put out...my REQUEST TO YOU, IF YOU SHOULD CHOOSE TO ACCEPT THIS LOFTY ASSIGNMENT, IS TO COLLECT A TON OF GRATITUDE QUOTES FROM YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, COLLEAGUES...AND THEN FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR BLOG BUDDIES...SO THIS WILL GROW AND GROW AND GROW INTO A WORLD WIDE EVENT.

I AM VERY SICK RIGHT NOW...THERE IS NOT A WHOLE LOT I CAN DO PHYSICALLY TO DO TIKKUN OLAM (REPAIR THE WORLD) BUT THIS IS ONE THING I CAN DO...PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS AND MAKE THIS THE MOST AMAZING BLOGGING EFFORT TO WAKE EVERYBODY UP TO THE BLESSINGS THAT ABOUND IN THEIR LIVES...IT IS TOO EASY TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE DETAILS OF OUR LIVES ...WE NEED SOMETIMES TO BE REMINDED OF HOW WONDERFUL OUR LIVES TRULY ARE.

IF THIS FEELS TOO BIG, TOO OVERWHELMING ...FORGET ABOUT IT...THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION FOR ANYONE...BUT IF IT FEELS LIKE A GOOD HEALTHY CHOICE FOR YOU...THEN PLEASE JOIN ME IN THIS QUEST FOR MORE GRATITUDE, MORE JOY, MORE AWARENESS OF THE GOODNESS INFUSED IN THE WORLD!


LOVE TO ALL,
LAURA

AS most of you know you know by now..I have trouble with language...I worry about my blog...it very important to me...I'm thinking ahead to Thanksgiving...I would like it if all of you special earth angels would right a sentence or two about what you are grateful for in your life...in the moment you recieve this message...or the minute you have time to get to it...but be present in that exact moment when you write. don't think too much...just close eyes...breathe into the moment and allow feeling of gratitude to arise...then write words that flow from you deep well of truth. OK?

then send to me...I publish for thanksgiving blog...I was hoping for interview with cami walker...but not sure that will happen...that ok...life all about changes.

some of you are very present voices online, in books, as teachers, coaches...also just my friends...all voices important...please do this for me, for us for all the world...we all have much to be grateful for....

I know this sacred task I ask of you...I know some of you shy and also busy people...it not take long for you to do this...it mean so much to me and other people when the read what you say...it can even be silly...that fine...happiness a good thing

if you too shy or busy, I understand...but i think this be amazing outpouring of gratitude for world

love to you all

Laura
http://www.shinethedivine.com
Reveal Your Sacred Spark & Realize Your Creative Dreams
...breath by breath...moment by moment...step by step.